Hope Springs Eternal

I just had an appointment with my psychiatrist after starting to cut my anti-psychotic in half.  I told him how it has been messing with my sleep as I am now taking less and that I generally wake around 3-5am most mornings. I even have had one or two very sleepless nights.

He stated that I could take Melatonin to aid sleep and it wouldn't interfere with my other medications, which makes me happy because it works really well for me without giving me a hangover.

The most gratifying thing that he said was that because taking a lower dose of anti-psychotic has really affected my sleep he definitely believes the risperdal was the source of my elevated prolactin levels! This excites me because my OB/GYN said all of my other hormone levels seemed normal and thinks that this may be the only thing preventing me from ovulating.

One thing my psychiatrist did suggest that I think I might look into is to have my adrenal glands tested. I have read that a lot of weight problems can be caused by overactive adrenal glands--which produce cortisol and adrenaline.  He suggested that this could be the cause of my weight problems.

I think I might do some research on this further. I'm very excited for this next cycle because he said that I could stop the anti-psychotic altogether in 3 weeks!

Resetting your Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor

So my co-worker recently found and gave me her Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor to use as she isn't using it any longer. I downloaded the instructions to it here.

As it was used before me I will need to reset it or it will be going on its memory of my co-workers last 6 cycles. So I tried to take a picture step-by-step to show you how to do this if you are thinking of buying a used monitor.

Step 1. Make sure the monitor is OFF and open up a test stick. I bought a few expired test sticks for this so that I don't waste a set of new ones.

Step 2. Unwrap the test stick.

Step 3. Prepare stick for insertion into monitor. You must remove the cap (on the left)

Step 4. Place cap on opposite end (over the soft wick).

Step 5. Your test stick is now ready to use in the monitor. The view you see here should be facing up when you insert it into the monitor.

This is what it looks like once inserted.

Step 6. Note: I don't have pictures of these steps exactly as I needed both hands and could not take a picture of it.
   a. Press and HOLD the m button (to the right of the display.

   b. Turn the monitor on. The button will be on the left side of the monitor.

Step 7. At first you will see on the screen this symbol warning that a test stick is inserted and must be removed. KEEP HOLDING DOWN THE m BUTTON!

Step 8. Next, the display will show all of the symbols on the monitor. KEEP HOLDING DOWN THE m BUTTON!

Step 9. Once the screen returns to just the sign warning to remove the test stick, you can let go of the m button and remove the stick.

Now your monitor is ready for it's first use! You'll see the flashing m symbol and two dashes where the cycle day is like so:

So now I'm anxiously awaiting the arrival of AF so that I can begin using the monitor! This cycle I intend to use soy isoflavones on CD3 for 5 days to try and jumpstart my estrogen and bring on ovulation.

We'll see!

Another restless morning

Ever since I started cutting my anti-psychotic in half I usually find myself awake anywhere from 3-5am. Not every morning, but enough to notice a difference and I never had trouble sleeping through the night before. I wonder if it will affect my temperatures. I usually try to stay in bed until my alarm goes off but this morning I was so hot and sweaty that I decided to take my temp an hour early and go ahead and get up. I wish I were in bed asleep right now because I'm still quite tired, but it just wasn't happening.

The weird thing is that for so early my temp was a bit higher than normal (97.90). Yesterdays OPK was completely negative, however, I did notice my sample was more diluted than it has been the last few days. Still, I got zero test line and I think that if I had ovulated yesterday there would have been SOMETHING even with a diluted sample. So I feel this higher temp today is just a fluke unless by some miracle I'm ovulating today.

A lot of my other fertility signs are pointing towards it. Lately my cervix has been so high I can't reach it so I can't evaluate the texture and my CM has been odd. It has a very lubricative feeling, but most of what I pull looks sticky more than anything, so I've been putting creamy.

I just don't know what to think about my body because I get a sign like a super-high cervix, but negligible CM. Yet still no positive OPK (barely even close) and temps all over the place. Looks like I'm back on my anovulatory cycles. I had such hope because for at least two cycles in a row I had 28-30 day cycles on their own with no help. That was when I was on the calorie-shifting diet and had lost some weight. I have to wonder if there is something about a higher protein diet that is more regular.

I must try using the diet generator for it again. I can't be depended on to eat according to the diet when I have too much control over what I eat and it was working. Plus, there was this diet program we were set to start, a holistic program, but there is a problem with the way WA state licenses it so the owner is having to decide if she can stay and run it or not.

I'm not sure how many days to give AF before she shows. I did just get the ClearPlan Fertility Monitor from my friend at work and have ordered the test sticks so I may just wait to use the progesterone to start AF until after they show up so I can reset the monitor.  I even ordered about 3 expired sticks to use for resetting so I don't waste a good stick from the new package.

In reviewing the prices online for the sticks I really do think Amazon is the  best price for sticks within the expiration date. There were a lot of them going for about $20 or less on eBay, but the expiration date couldn't be guaranteed and I wouldn't want to chance it.

I really wish I could call in sick today and just try to get some more rest, but it is so hard to try and reschedule clients and my schedule is out so far anyway that I think that I shouldn't call in just because I'm feeling poorly. I suppose I could go back to bed and try to get some rest and come in an hour late. Then do some work from home on Wednesday. I think I'll just shower and go in because even now I'm still hot and sweaty.

I think I need to really watch the caffeine. I had two sodas yesterday. I only intended to have one but my husband served me one for dinner and I wanted it so I drank it anyway. I think at the very least I'm going to say no soda after 5PM and see if that helps with my sleep at all because I'm very sensitive to caffeine. Too much a day or after a certain hour messed with my sleep before and it certainly will now. I guess it will have to be the price I pay for going off the medicine. I wonder if I should start taking Melatonin on a regular basis just to see if it will help me sleep through the night.

We'll see what tomorrow night brings

Lose Weight or Procreate?

So, I've been thinking lately that I really need to lose a lot more weight in order to be more healthy when I do conceive. I'm going to need all of the help I can get with being high-risk already due to my heart and bipolar disorder (double whammy!).

So, I had some recent success (lost 8 lbs) with a small setback (gained about 3-4 lbs back). I haven't had the heart to stick to my diet (calorie shifting) so the weight is steadily increasing again.

DH just found out about a program called Splendid Figures, which he is willing to do with me! Looking over the program it works quickly and it looks like along with dieting there are SHOTS involved (eep!) including Vitamin B6 and an Appetite Suppressant.

I have actually heard that Vitamin B (one of them at least) can be helpful with fertility, however, I would worry about what is in the appetite suppressant and if it would be harmful to a baby.

However, the diet clinic has doctors on staff so I plan to ask their recommendation. I have heard even without something like this to aid weight loss it is advisable to wait at least a month after losing weight to begin TTC again. It couldn't hurt to take a break and hopefully this would go towards making me more fertile and likely to conceive.

I'll probably still monitor my charts to aid in birth control, but must find a barrier method DH will put up with if it is not good to conceive while on the appetite suppressant.

Well, I'll keep everyone posted. First I have to make an appointment at Splendid Figures and see what's what.

Don't think O will come this cycle...but who knows?

Well, my OPKs keep getting lighter and I don't believe I ever had a positive one.

Here are the ones from yesterday and today

I don't really know what to think because today's looks slightly darker. I do think I wasn't holding my urine for a complete 4 hours before yesterdays test.

I have gotten very sad today because I let myself get my hopes up that I was really O'ing, on my own. But, I'm running out of OPKs and am not sure I want to order more. This is what I hate about OPKs because regardless of how cheap they are I feel I am just throwing my money down the toilet (literally) because they never work for me. Which is more depressing because the reason they aren't working is because I'm not ovulating.

All the same, I feel like today's OPK gives me a smidgen of hope. I think I might find my local Dollar Tree and see if they have any New Choice OPKs in stock. I heard recently you can get them there and I figured I'd test them out until I decide if I want to get more while I wait for my friend to deliver the fertility monitor she promised.

Just a temporary moment of hopelessness but I think it will pass. Nothing a POAS addiction won't cure ;)

O may be coming!!

So, I was disappointed a few days ago by a dip in my temperatures after a huge temp spike.  I decided to carry on with my Ovulation Test Strips or OPKs.

For most of the time I kept seeing this:

As you can see, the test line (on the left) is barely there.

Last night though, my OPKs started to look like this:

There's a weird marring on the test, but I don't think it's invalid.

And here is this morning's test:

It looks slightly lighter than last nights. Note the test line (on the left) is not the same color as the control so it is not yet positive, but the fact that the test line is getting darker is a good sign!

Also, I am observing my other fertility signs, the primary of which is cervical fluid (or mucus) and the secondary is cervix position. I noticed yesterday and the day before my CM has become increasingly more watery. This is good as this and EWCM (egg-white CM) are the most fertile.

Also, I observe a secondary fertility sign, my cervix position (CP). Today my CP was very high and medium consistency and the opening was about medium open.  So this is also a great sign. When it is high, soft, and open I should be at maximum fertility!

Fertility Friend states that I am at my most fertile right now.  So it's time to get in some BD (baby-dancing ; ) to try and catch the egg.

I'm just so excited that I *might* be O'ing! Will keep you posted with updated pics later.

Gift of Clearplan Fertility Monitor

So, today at work while the computers, phone and tv were down, me and another co-worker were chatting and I was sharing our efforts to conceive and obstacles and what not. My co-worker was very sympathetic and stated that it took her awhile before she was able to conceive her daughter.

Then, an amazing thing, she stated that she has a Clearplan Fertility Monitor (now Clearblue Easy) that she isn't using and would like to give me!

This is so exciting. I mean, I know based on my temps right now I am not ovulating, but going off the meds may help when my prolactin level goes down to start ovulating.

So, I am hopeful for many reasons. First, I am hopeful that the elevated Prolactin is the only thing preventing me from ovulating and once the meds have left my system I might start having a normal cycle.

Second, now I will have this AWESOME tool...could be one of the best things to assist a couple in trying to conceive. For FREE! Obviously I'll have to buy the test sticks for it, but this is too cool.

To OPK or not to OPK

I had bought a bunch of OPK test strips online about 6 months ago but gave up on them as my cycles were outrageously long and even at .99 a strip I didn't feel 20-30 per cycle was a good investment.

However, now that I'm having a decent cycle length (no more than 32 days) I thought I'd give it a whirl. They can be very useful as one of the few things that can predict ovulation rather than confirm it after the fact.

Here are a few of my negative OPKs this cycle. As you can see from the bottom one there is a faint test line, but because it is not as dark as the control line it is still negative.

In reading the instructions for an OPK they instruct to hold your urine at least 4 hours before testing and that the best time to test is around noon. Many of my cohorts on the forums suggest testing twice per day to ensure you don't miss an evening surge, but it is inadvisable to test after 8-10pm.

I knew these things but was only half-heartedly testing. Yesterday, according to my chart, my temp started to rise and today it's a full 3/10ths of a degree higher than the the highest of my last 6 temps. I am hopeful that insh'allah (God-willing) my temps will continue to rise or stay at that level and ovulation will be confirmed.

If that's the case, then did my OPKs fail me? I wasn't making sure that I held my urine a full 4 hours nor attended to the times I took the test...it might have only been the same time two days at most.  Also, I may have taken a few outside the recommended time period.

Taking all of these factors into account I would say that it is user failure, not test failure. But then again, one or two high temps does not guarantee ovulation and it could be that my temps will drop again tomorrow. However, if I have ovulated according to my temps, will I choose to continue using OPKs?

If I have ovulated, this would give me the belief that I CAN and I would attempt to be more diligent in the use of the test strips and follow directions. If I found it too difficult for the luxury of knowing in advance that I am ovulating, then I may not buy anymore, however, as I do have some left, I might as well give it a whirl!

Wacky HPT dream

So, last night I had a dream about being in this huge building and there was some evil dictator trying to take over disguised as an orchestra leader but with a plot to blow up the building.

Somehow this dream morphed into me walking along a path and I thought I would use an OPK. I usually use the green test strips that I get online that are supposed to be dipped. I used it as a midstream and it got soaked and when I looked at it it had the blue strip instead of green. So I had accidentally used an HPT and there were TWO lines! I didn't quite believe it and it was so soaked it started coming off in strips like layers of paper. Each strip had two lines though. I was so surprised and excited.

I think all this OPK testing has me dreaming of doing HPT tests. Dreams are weird, huh?

Early Pregnancy Tests Survey of TTC women

Here are the survey results of early pregnancy tests.com's survey of women trying to conceive (TTC). I thought it interesting that nearly 80% of women surveyed voted the TTC process either a little stressful, but not bad to moderately stressful. I took this survey the other day. Only 24% of women stated that they had fertility issues.

I thought it would be interesting for others to check out that might be ttc. Realize that this site is geared towards those ttc so they have a good sample of their target population.

Lowering Prolactin levels due to anti-psychotic meds

I get to start tapering my meds!

To explain, this is exciting because a few months ago my OB/GYN ran tests that showed my prolactin levels were a leetle high and possibly causing me not to O. After months of arguing and waiting with my psychiatrist I finally get to start tapering down!

I just hope two things:

1. That I don't start showing symptoms (of Bipolar) as I know my psychiatrist will put me back on the meds in a snap, and

2. That combined with my recent weight loss, inshallah, this will jumpstart my cycles and lead to regular ovulation!

I had gone off all the sites and even stopped charting b/c he wouldn't take me off of it but then in February AF (evil Aunt Flow) showed after SIX months of hiding. At first I was thinking, finally, but how long until the next one. And I was floored when she showed up less than 30 days later! So I started charting again and am now gearing up for trying to conceive again.

So, inshallah (God willing), this month as the meds start leaving my system my prolactin levels will normalize and I will FINALLY have an O date.

Just am really hopeful and wanted to share!

Get more info on how antipsychotics affect prolactin levels--
Antipsychotic treatment: when to measure prolactin.(Adult Psychiatry): An article from: Clinical Psychiatry News

The Great Sperm Race

So the above video is of a British documentary called The Great Sperm Race. It's an entertaining look at the journey a sperm takes from production to fertilization and all of the hazards in between. It's also informative (especially for the trying to conceive couple). In between all of the science facts they do a scale representation of a sperm's journey if sperm were the size of say, a person. So there are all these people dressed in white acting out the various journey of the sperm through a male's and female's reproductive tract. Parts of it made me chuckle.

There were also a lot of different viewpoints from the contributors. One woman stated that when a woman has an orgasm she produces fluid that makes the womb more alkaline and therefore more welcoming to sperm!

Regardless, I got a kick out of the video and thought I would share. I think it's a must for anyone trying to conceive.

Disappointing chart

If you click my little butterfly banner in the sidebar you can check the progress of my fertility chart.

It was looking good for a little bit there, but it might have been just too early for the O (Ovulation). My calendar predicts that I might ovulate this Saturday so we're going to work at catching the egg by then, although my primary fertility sign (Cervical Fluid) is not at peak fertility right now. It is not completely infertile at this point so there is a chance it will become fertile again.

I'm praying to God that I will actually O and see the red crosshairs there...I've never had that in all the times I've charted over the last year and half.

So, here's hoping!

Massage day!

I have never had a professional massage before. I was stopping by GNC to get some GNC Folic Acid 800mcg, 100 Tablets and GNC CALCIUM CITRATE PLUS 180 CAPLETS (EXP:07/2011) after exchanging my Apple Care Protection Plan at the Apple Store.

Right next to the GNC was a new massage place called "Spa Massage" (find in Alderwood Mall here) that specializes in Chinese Massage. I opted for the 20 minute massage, which was supposed to be a chair back massage, but because I asked for a woman masseuse due to my religion, they did a table massage. I only paid the chairback massage but I think the masseuse actually gave me a full table accupressure massage. It was so amazing I don't think I'd mind paying more to get that again.

I was a little nervous because I didn't know if I'd have to disrobe, but they let me get the massage with my clothes on, which was awesome! For the most part the masseuse used her hands and there were times that the pressure was a lot, but it never really hurt. At one point I know she was using her feet! When I was done I felt like I'd been pulled and reshaped. Not only did I feel more relaxed in my muscles, but I actually noticed my mood was higher...I almost felt giddy. Still about an hour later I can feel the sense of calm and relaxation. It was heavenly.

I think if I can afford it once a month I may go back to get this massage again. I think it would be an excellent massage for just dealing with stress. They did ask if I was pregnant (probably because my belly makes me look that way) so I suspect that you can't get a table massage while pregnant, but I will definitely ask if a chairback massage would be available because it is very worth it!

Learn how to do Accupressure at home!

Family Awareness Method aka charting

So, awhile back I researched a lot of ways to detect my fertility and maximize it. I knew I could shell out for a Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor that is an excellent way of detecting when you ovulate and helping a girl time intercourse to catch the egg. I didn't want to invest in it right away before I knew if it would be beneficial to me. What I found out about was charting my basal body temperature (waking body temperature) and monitoring my cervical fluids could also help me predict when I may ovulate and all it would cost me is the price of BD Digital Basal Thermometer.

So, I eventually bought Taking Charge of Your Fertility, 10th Anniversary Edition: The Definitive Guide to Natural Birth Control, Pregnancy Achievement, and Reproductive Health. I learned SO much about how my body works and how to best use that knowledge to achieve pregnancy.

Sadly after about six months of charting I realized the problem was this--I don't ovulate. In a year of charting (with a six month break) I never once had a chart the definitively ovulated. I have the classic annovulatory charts.

With this knowledge in hand I went to my doctor who ran some bloodwork. She noticed my Prolactin levels were a little high. She almost scheduled an MRI but when she said it could be caused by anti-psychotic meds I reminded her that I do take an anti-psychotic. So my charge is to get taken off of this med to see if my prolactin levels lower and if I will then start ovulating.

I am still working with my doctor to get taken off of the medication, however, I am excited (hamdallah) to report that my periods have started coming back regularly. I don't know if this is related to my recently starting to lose weight (I am classified by my BMI as Obese)or what but I thank God and have started charting again to see if I am ovulating. I feel really confident that I may have last month, however, my battery died on my thermometer before I could confirm this and it took me awhile to get a replacement battery.

See the sidebar to subscribe to my chart feed.

Strange dream

Last night I had a very vivid dream. In it, I was in my apartment with a baby that could crawl and even walk. There was a snake loose in the apartment and I was trying to catch it before it bit the baby. At first it didn't seem poisonous, but then I noticed the rattle on the tail. I was scared but really wanted to protect the baby. Several times it got loose and snapped at the baby's feet. I alternated between grabbing it with my bare hands and finally trapped it under a small tupperware, only I had a hard time getting all of it to fit underneath.

Just then my husband came home and I asked for his help, but he ignored me and start putting up his things. During that time the snake got out and just as my husband came to help it bit my hand. My husband gained control of it and I started getting ready to go to the hospital but he was dragging his feet. I decided if he wasn't going to take me then I would drive myself.

I'm going to have to check out my dream interpretation book The Dictionary of Dreams: 10,000 Dreams Interpreted. This is really funny because my mom said that when she was pregnant with me she had dreams all the time of snakes attacking me.

The Journey Begins...

About 1 1/2 years ago my husband and I decided we would like to start trying to have a baby. Knowing that coming off birth control could result in a years passing before success we knew there would be a wait. So now it has been over a year and nothing. I have been using the Family Awareness Method of charting to track my ovulation and herein lies the problem. I'm just not ovulating. And without that, it's quite impossible to get pregnant. After some testing I discovered that my anti-psychotic I am on has caused my prolactin levels to be slightly elevated and the end result can be no ovulation.

I am begging my doctor to take me off this medication and now that the weather is getting warmer he finally is willing to do so. I'm a bit nervous because the last time I went off this medication had awful results on my moods, however, this doctor gave me an alternative medication I have been taking for many months to prepare me for going off of the other.

On a side note, I have recently started a new diet and am now slowly losing some weight. Miraculously, after 6 months of no periods, my period has returned on a regular basis, hamdallah. I am quite overweight so it is very possible that the weight loss has triggered a balancing of my hormones. I have started temping again but due to a faulty thermometer battery I may have missed a definitive ovulation. My chart had looked like I had ovulated but wasn't confirmed. At that point my battery failed just when it may have confirmed that I had ovulated.

So, no confirmation yet, but I remain hopeful that with continued weight loss I will start ovulating again and hopefully achieve pregnancy!

I welcome you to join me on my journey.