I will not listen to IPS, I will not listen to IPS....

I have a love/hate relationship with studying my "symptoms" during a TWW to see if this somewhat newer symptom or way more intense breast pain = BFP in my future. But is it PMS or EPS (early pregnancy symptoms)?  Sometimes I call PMS "IPS" for imaginary pregnancy symptoms.

I love going to www.countdowntopregnancy.com to log my most recent symptoms and check out stats on most common early pregnancy symptoms, when they're most often experienced, etc. It is one of my favorite sites, as they offer at least 6 ways to log breast pain---because if you've been TTCing long, you know one cycle may have tender nipples only, sometimes just underarms/sides of breasts hurt and sometimes breasts ache when just sitting but don't feel worse if touched and other times only hurt if touched/pressed.

Way to confuse a girl, eh!  Anyhow, I'm bringing this up because my PMS/IPS symptoms are singing their song:

When you're running to go pee
and go up a size or three,
then it must be time to take your H-P-T!

If your boobs are really sore
and you crave chocolates galore,
then it's time to get behind that bathroom door!

If your eyes are drooping low
and your thinking's kind of slow
then this month you're bound to miss your Aunt Flow!

test-test-test TEST test-test-test TEST 
It is your time to TEEEEEEEESSSST!!!!!!!

So, I'm a leetle obsessed with symptoms. Last night around 6PM, it seemed like my nips were starting to throb and by 10PM the tops and sides of my breast were burning kind of sore--kind of tingling. I also noticed getting tired around 10PM before I took meds--usually don't get tired until 11PM or later.

BUT, I will not test tomorrow. If I temp tomorrow AND Friday morning, I can test then. 

Happy 12/12/12!!!

For all you number fanatics this is the last repetitive number date we'll ever see!!! It's been a great 12 years, eh? Lately I've been obsessed with palindromes (letters or numbers that are the same backwards and forwards).  In the last 6 months or so, I've just randomly noticed palindrome numbers---the time is 3:33 or 11:11, scores on games 999, my receipt number is 222.

So, needless to say, I was a bit psyched it was 12/12/12 today!

Now, for some more interesting number dates to look forward to:

11/12/13
12/13/14
and of course, the only Pi day of our lives---3/14/15


Nothing more today, just hope you're having a great day!

Five Temp Challenge update: Day 3

Just to update! Day 3 of the Five temp challenge.  My Day 3 temp is:  98.6

Since I started taking my temp more regularly, this has appeared above my chart:

Note: Your chart data does not allow ovulation to be pinpointed to within a 24 hour timeframe.
Your temperature suggests, however, that ovulation may have occured between CD 19 and CD 24.

Hmmmmm....I see why it says this; I have a large dip in temps on CD19 (98.2) and then my next temp 2 days later is 98.7, a big climb.  If we take ovulation to be the earliest day in the range, CD19, this still gives me a fair chance of pregnancy (3 days before O).  If ovulation is CD20 or later, I'm screwed.

See my chart for the month:



My Ovulation Chart

BUT!  One thing about charting for so long is that I get to know my pattern.  Some women have no particular pattern to their luteal phase temps.  The pattern most women want to see is what we call triphasic.  Most charts are biphasic, meaning the first phase (follicular) has a set of temps in a lower range and then the temperature shifts into a second phase of higher temps (luteal phase).  Many women who become pregnant have a third phase, where within the luteal phase, their set of temperatures jumps to a higher range of temps. 

The more common ovulatory patterns are: slow rise, stair step rise, and fall back rise. A slow rise is as it sounds, the temp jump being just barely 2/10ths or more, then rising slowly.  Stair step rise is a version of the slow rise, where you have a rise, then a temp about even, then another jump and so forth.

A fall back rise occurs when you have a high jump indicating ovulation, then between 2-4 days past ovulation, your temp falls back to or below coverline. After the fall, it generally rises back up to the level it was previously.

My charts, in general, are a classic fallback rise. I will generally see a fallback temp between 2-4 DPO and have had one as late as 5 DPO (any later it starts to be a dip due to the corpus luteum failing and/or implantation if you're pregnant).

Here are some examples:

Anyhow, this months chart, with ovulation so up in the air, yes, it is possible that CD19 was my O date. If you look at my cervical fluid on my chart, however, you'll notice that the fertile CM ends 2 days before the temp on CD19.  Knowing that I have a classic fall back rise, and that in the past my O has been confirmed on the last day or next to last day of fertile CM, one could assume that the low temp on CD19 is indeed a fallback temp. This would mean my ovulation was more likely to occur on CD17.

But....all of this is theory right now, since I didn't take data to know one way or the other on those days. Ce la vie. Two more temps and I can test! 

Five temp challenge!

Ok, so before I begin, I just noticed my dashboard said I was at 199 posts. So this is my 200th post!

Essentially, I've been a little HPT crazy. These evaps or what-not are causing me to over-test. I will say I'm proud that I did not test more than once a day. Prior cycles I might test 2-3 times a day. I know, here. I think what helps me to not test as often is not knowing when, or if, I ovulated.

I've also not been temping much, and I really can now that I'm not spotting at all. So, I made an agreement with myself that I cannot test again until I have logged at least 5 temps. Since I started this on Monday, if I temp 5 days in a row, that will make Friday my 5th temp.

So, current BD sessions in the running are two. I decided to split my chart up and designated my week of spotting as start of another cycle. Very arbitrary, but I don't know what to expect post Dep0 Provera. With that as my CD1, I have BD on CD8 and CD16. I'm willing to tentatively rule out the CD8 BD session, since my most recent BFN was about 14 days past that date.

Friday would be 20 days past CD8 and 12 days past CD16. It would be possible to get a BFP on those dates for either BD session. If my test is negative on that date, I can firmly rule out the CD8 BD session, but may have to wait another 4-5 days to firmly rule out the CD16.

So, if I get a BFN that day, I will make myself log at least 4 temps before testing again. This weekend we'll be staying over at SIL's, so I must remember my BBT! If I get a BFN that day (or AF shows), I am most definitely restarting the dong quai! I miss it!

Wish me luck!

AF is a mob boss and I just want to be a "made (wo)man"

To quote The Godfather, "Just when you think you're out, they pull you back in!" To compare our menses, aka Aunt Flow aka the Big Red Wave aka the Red Witch (among others), to a mob boss is a pretty fair description, in my book. I know this is anthropomorphizing so that I avoid the shame related to my reproductive system failure, but it is an emotional wringer.

I mean, the promise of life, the long hours, tedious waiting, physical and mental stress and it all ends in a bloody mess.  Pretty apt, right?

I get to feeling this way when I am in that point of a cycle of reluctant resignation. Convinced I'm out after X number of BFNs, remission of strong PMS symptoms, spotting begins...any one of these will do, or a combo.  It's worse when you have false hope. Like an evap line on an HPT.

Anyhoo, I had reached my point of reluctant resignation. Told myself that since I'd been spotting, many days of BFNs following the evap, and my symptoms have been decreasing lately---I'm reading the writing on the wall.

One of the problems for me with this cycle is not tracking O. See my previous post for that. So, I have the additional problem of not knowing if I'm coming or going. Also, as I am awaiting first full flow AF post-Depo Provera shot, I figure I'm in for a rough ride anyway as my hormones balance out. Hopefully the Dong Quai will help that be sooner, rather than later.

So I must remember my skills of radical acceptance. I accept that today I am having sore breasts. I accept that today I had pain in my left groin area this evening. I accept that I had a craving for bone-in fried chicken (I think it was more fried chicken skin, but y'know). I accept that I've had fatigue since after dinner. I accept that I'm having a difficult time finding words. But these things are all I can accept. I have no other information or facts to accept. No conclusions to make.

Never not temping/OPKing/CBEFMing again!

This is a frustrating cycle. Well, I take that back, all cycles when you're TTCing are frustrating. But it has been so long since I haven't been tracking my ovulation, that having to figure out when to test or at least when to expect AF is maddening. Factor in a strong evap a few days ago, and I'm wavering between being convinced I'm miraculously pregnant a month after depo provera shot expired---and knowing it's just AF f*cking with me.

Anyhow, to try and batten down the insanity, I'm remembering the TCOYF rule regarding high temps after O--18 high temps or more after O---you're pregnant!  Now, for the uninformed who have not been or don't know how to track ovulation, and are wondering when to test for pregnancy, this rule is very helpful. Essentially, if you want to test for pregnancy and AF hasn't arrived, wait about 18-19 days after last having intercourse to test.  Super long to wait, especially since most LPs are 12-14 days long.

Of course, I've had some regular intervals of BD spaced about 7 days apart. I tested recently about 14 days after BD session 1.  That was when I got the evap. Since I've had no darkening of tests, I'm figuring it for a fluke.....but then pregnancy paranoia kicks in.  I think "but it's only about 4-6 days after BD session 2. Maybe it's a really, really sensitive batch"  But then, I start getting spotting more regularly now. And cramping. And though my regular symptoms are still occurring, the intensity is less--sometimes I don't feel symptoms, then they come back. I think a sign that my progesterone is declining and I am most likely on the Red Train to AF town.

Ah well.

Dong Quai--effectiveness and PMS symptoms, but no menses yet.

I haven't updated lately on what it was like to use Dong Quai for hormone balancing. I will have to say that I felt great while taking Dong Quai. I had no allergy symptoms and after a week or two I started noticing symptoms of ovulation. I had heightened sense of smell, sore boobs, sore gums, gassiness, frequent urination, and backache.

Since most sources say not to take Dong Quai after ovulation, I decided to stop it, as I was hopeful that these symptoms meant ovulation may have occurred. I also noticed that I spotted for 5-6 days--I was sure AF was on her way, but then one day the spotting just stopped. About a few days later, the PMS symptoms stopped. I ordered a bunch of HPTs, since I haven't been tracking my ovulation hardly at all and wanted to be able to test if AF stayed away forever.

So, about a week later, my PMS type symptoms came back; most notably, horrible backaches, gassiness, frequent urination, and tingling/sensitive boobs. So I started taking HPTs. The first one was clearly negative. The second one I took appeared to have an evap line. I've taken Wondfo ICs before, and rarely get so much as a shadow. Here is the first IC I took with an evap.



Very clear evap, turned up within 10 minutes.  But since then, very, very faint lines and no darkening. So I think it was an evap. But it doesn't help that I have had sore boobs and backaches around that time. Since then, the symptoms have faded somewhat, but still no AF. I am really thinking of starting the Dong Quai again. I miss it and I really don't think I am pregnant. I really ought to start temping again, so I can know whether or not I have ovulated. That could help immensely.

Since I haven't known, I've been testing about 12-14 days past a session of BD that I think could be around ovulation time. I still have one that I'm only 10 days past. At this point, I'm going to hope for some sort of AF soon (with full flow, not spotting for a week). Maybe by Friday? Please!