All I want for Christmas is a baby in my belly...

Well, that's what most women with infertility or trying to conceive want.  In the meantime we drool over the latest gadgets to help track or improve our fertility. From internet-cheapie (IC) OPKs and HPTs to the most advanced of Fertility Monitors.

Informing friends and family about our condition is definitely a personal choice, but for those of you who have shared your plight, you may take advantage of this holiday season to request a nice "Trying to Conceive Gift Basket" or just replenishing your supplies.

So, I'm going to create a list of possible TTC gifts you could ask for this Christmas! These are at least the ones I would want if I were actively TTCing!

1. Fertility Monitors--
1. There are many options for this, but my top choice would be the OvaCue Fertility Monitor 
   it provides up to 5 days  notice of ovulation, is effective for women with long or anovulatory cycles, and does not need additional sensors. It is expensive upfront, but would not require any other recurring costs.
2. Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor  
   perhaps the most popular--upfront costs are lower, but recurring costs could be expensive as it requires 1 test stick for each day of testing. Also, if you are anovulatory or have lengthy cycles (over 44 days) it will not be effective for you.
3. OvWatch  
   a watch that senses changes in hormone levels in your sweat as you sleep. Low upfront costs, but recurring costs are 30 day supply of sensors.
2. Charting or ovulation detection tools--
1. Fertility Microscope  
   this is a very low-tech version of the OvaCue--you use the microscope to analyze your saliva for changes that indicate ovulation. If there is "ferning" in the cells, it means ovulation is imminent.
2. BBT--Basal Body Thermometers--perhaps the cheapest tool with the lowest recurring cost (changing battery). My favorite is the   BD Basal Body Thermometer
    It features continuous beeping while taking temp and to show that  it is inserted properly. Also has a lighted display to show temp in the dark.  
3.  OPKs (Ovulation Predictor Kits)--urine tests to show the level of LH in your system. When the LH rises about 2 days before ovulation, the test and control lines will be the same color (or test line darker). You can get a cheap internet version for quantity (advisable for those with irregular O) or for convenience, I recommend 
4. Clearblue Digital Ovulation Tests
. No lines to interpret, just a circle or smiley face to indicate O. 
3. Fertility Supplements and Aids
1. Prenatal vitamins--essential to prepare for pregnancy, and to ensure once conception occurs that neural tube defects are minimized.
2. Various vitamins and supplements--there are SO many that could be 
3. used depending on how you are trying to enhance your fertility or what challenges you face. You can try a blend like Fertility Blend, Fertiliaid, etc. Some come in tea form, such as Fertilitea. I recommend doing research on which vitamins are likely to help your unique situation before proceeding. 
5. Pre-Seed
--a sperm friendly lubricant that is especially helpful for those who have low or poor quality CM. 
4. Other tests, etc.
1. FSH or Fertility Tests--these test for elevated FSH levels in women, which may indicate low ovarian reserve. If positive, inform doctor so he/she can do further tests.
2. HPT--Home pregnancy tests--a given, because every woman TTC wants to see if this month is their month! There are various types and kinds--if you tend to test without abandon, cheaper internet strips would be best to give you quantity. If you want to ensure high quality, you may want to go for name brand tests like First Response, EPT, or Clearblue. Look for high sensitivity so you can test BEFORE you expect your period! The premier tests are the digital--the earliest detecting are usually EPT or First Response. These give definitive in black and white your pregnancy status. 
3. Sperm Fertility Tests--there are some at-home kits for testing sperm fertility. The effectiveness and quality are much less than at the doctors, but if your man is nervous about going in, perhaps this is what will help him see if there is a NEED to do so or not. 

This may not be the most comprehensive list, but is a good checklist if you want to add something to try or refill for your efforts.Check out my Amazon Listmania List: Best products for TTC for some more specific products I recommend. Best of luck to you all, and I hope you have a fruitful holiday season. 

New blog design!

I just needed a change. I like the calming blue of the water. Also, in early pregnancy many women dream of water, so I'm hoping this will encourage something to happen! I also changed the layout. You will see navigation, subscription, following, labels, and other items for moving around this blog in the

<=== LEFT sidebar.

You will see items such as the acronyms I use here, blogs I follow, and other pregnancy related items I like to bring to your attention at the

RIGHT sidebar ===>

 I hope this seems better organized and easier to navigate! I also enabled a mobile version in case you want or need to surf from you phone and to hopefully make it easier . Let me know what you think!

Current cycle status and vitamin regimen

So, since I am not charting, OPKing, or doing really anything to track my cycle most of this is a guesstimate. I would say the only thing I am really doing is marking when my period arrives on my phone's calendar and when it is projected. Since I tend toward 30 day cycles, I am estimating to get my period this cycle on 11/25/11--Thanksgiving, AGAIN. I only hope that it is much less painful than last Thanksgivings. Still, I am about 4 days away from my expected period--still no spotting, but I could still get it as close as 2 days before.

I really am trying not to obsess about my cycles, but when my BBs hurt so much, and I know that I've ovulated....I can't help but wait and wonder. I only keep track of when to expect my period so I can know if it is late. I try not to obsess about whether or not I am...I tend to despair that I will never get pregnant naturally.  I did have some spotting about a week ago for 2-3 days..not much...could have been O-spotting. Time will tell. 

I'm also out of supplements. I need to get my Royal Jelly, B-Complex and Folic Acid replaced. I've been out for awhile. Other than that I'm going back on my Melaleuca Vitality 4 vitamins since when I added that to my regimen last time I had such a long luteal phase. So I really believe in those. 

Hopefully I'll be able to get some soon. 

How to inactively TTC

Wow. That's a loaded statement, if any, "how to inactively TTC." Really more of an oxymoron, like hot ice or cold fire. Most of the peeps on the Pregnancy/TTC boards refer to it as "not trying not preventing" or NTNP for short (or some version of this).

Before I forget, and go into my quasi-philosophical ramblings, I want to attempt to explain my sudden burst of activity after stating I would not be active. The simplest explanation is that a few of these things were initiated before we chose to NTNP. Specifically, the Redbook video was submitted a few weeks before, and it seemed a shame to not share this wonderful campaign with my readers and fellow infertility club members.

Then I got approached to do a great article on infertility consultants at Examiner.com, so it seemed natural to pursue this too. By this point I believe my grieving over not actively TTC had begun to heal. Also, I am the type of person that I tend to focus on a particular activity or goal intensely, somewhat obsessively (ok TOTALLY obsessively). So, part of postponing TTC was that I had this lost feeling...like I was drifting, purposeless. This is a time when most people throw themselves into their work...I ended up getting back to substituting full-time and had a few job interviews. I also needed time to figure out what the right ratio and mix of fertility stuff I could participate in and not hurt. Also, my current somewhat depressed mood state is quite exacerbated in the days leading up to my period and especially the week of my period. During those times I feel excessive guilt, hopelessness, shame--classic depression symptoms. So, not an ideal time to surf the fertility boards and watch others obsess about their cycle.

And I think that is the key. As much as I care about how those girls do, I can't handle my own issues while I cheer them on. Every time I look at where they are in their cycle, it makes me think about where I am in my cycle. Or tempted to re-start my Fertility Friend so I can track my cycle. Or just feel sad that I can't even test.

And then there is my testing insanity. I've always been a bit of a POAS addict, but I seriously--seriously--get this crazy denial about my negative HPTs. I convince myself of all the plausible, yet unlikely ways that I could still be pregnant even though it is most certainly negative. I have even insisted on another beta test AFTER a few days of full, red flow, convinced I was having an ectopic.

Let's just say I waste a LOT of money on pregnancy tests....even when I've already had my period.

Benefits of utilizing an infertility consultant

Check out my most recent article on Examiner.com as the Austin Infertility and Miscarriage Examiner, Benefits of utilizing an infertility consultant. This article shows you what an infertility consultant is and how one can help you in pursuing successful conception and birth. I had the privilege of interviewing Mindy Berkson, of Lotus Blossom Consulting, LLC about the benefits of using an infertility consultants.

One thing Mindy emphasized over and over was that although adding the consultant fee it was a larger cost upfront, that infertility consultants will work to ensure you get the most of your "infertility dollar" so to speak by helping you get the best treatment available so that it takes you fewer cycles to conceive AND sets you up for adding to your family later by preparing eggs/embryos to be stored. As she recommends, this can significantly reduce the amount of time spent on the IVF process (or third-party reproduction) when you choose to add to your family.

Now, I too can suffer from that hesitancy to put out a large amount on something in hopes of a long-term reward. Especially now that I still have no full-time job or regular insurance benefits. It's like a gamble--do I put forward a lot of money now, in hopes that it will save me later, or do I spend less on something that might also work to save? It is frustrating because we always seem to remember the times that we chose to lay out a lot and didn't get the savings or result we wanted. But what about the times we invest in something cheaper to get quantity, but end up having to purchase that item/service again and again, with the result that we spend as much or more than the more expensive item? Or worse yet, the product simply doesn't do what it proposes or has a negative effect based on what you intend to use it for? It is those times that I usually end up giving up on the higher priced item because I have already put so much towards the cheaper, less effective one.

Unless it is something worth it. Something very important to my health, comfort or safety that is a need rather than a want. I guess when I think of it in relationship to trying to have a baby, would I rather wander blindly through the maze of infertility treatments and hope I get a good outcome right away or hire someone who knows the way and can help me reach that goal sooner.

It is a tough decision, and I'm hopeful that I can find one to help me when my active TTC efforts resume. Like anything though, it is a joint effort, so I'll have to get DH on board too!

Redbook's No Shame Campaign "The Truth About Trying"

Recently, RESOLVE.org partnered with Redbook magazine to launch a campaign to decrease the stigma around infertility. Their campaign is called "The Truth About Trying" and has dozens of videos from celebrities and average people who have experience infertility. Their videos give testimony to their experience. They also have several articles highlighting the experience of infertility.

RESOLVE contacted me to ask for a video submission of my infertility story, and it was included with a dozen other videos as a part of their campaign. See my video below, and visit the Truth about Trying site for more videos like it. Redbook is inviting everyone in the infertility community to submit a video of their own and help dispel the myths surrounding infertility.

Perhaps if you find it hard to share your own journey with people in your life, you could show them videos that explain the experience of infertility to them.

Decreasing the stigma of infertility

Check out my most recent Examiner article. It highlights the stigma of infertility and is geared toward people who may not be aware of infertility. Check it out, and feel free to link to it to help increase awareness of the impact infertility has! Decreasing the stigma of infertility

Gonna be on hold---indefinitely

In talking with my husband, we have agreed that since we have so many debts, it would be irresponsible to actively TTC right now. I would go further to say that since it could be so hard for us to be pregnant now, that we should actively prevent. Essentially, the only way for me to truly NTNP is if I put away all of my active TTC tools---and stop all TTC related activity. This means I won't be posting about TTC, reading about it, socializing about it, etc. I need a total withdrawal from it in order to achieve any real NTNP. So, most likely, I won't be posting on this blog until I can get a job so that our income is more than our bills.

Unless I decide to change the theme, but this is a primarily TTC blog. I will be back, eventually. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

Thank you all for keeping up with me so far, and best of luck to you in your TTC journeys.

The importance of timing

I think one of the "infertility myths" that most of us believe when we start TTC is that if you have sex on or around ovulation, you WILL get pregnant. 100% chance, and it is just a matter of catching the egg. Of course, that doesn't count for many women who don't know ANYTHING about their cycles, and still believe that ANY sex at ANY time can result in pregnancy....they certainly have further to go in understanding how timing intercourse around O is important.

So breaking it down, based on research, there are about 5-6 days of the "fertile window" meaning sex during this time will have the highest probability in resulting in conception.  These are usually the 4 days BEFORE O, O date and they just throw in day after O, because calculations could be off and they really just don't know FOR SURE how long an egg might last, etc. The reason it is the 4 days before O is that sperm can have a longer lifespan--if conditions are right, maybe 5 days---but that would have to be High sperm count coupled with lots of EWCM with the perfect pH balance in the uterus to keep the sperm going till the egg arrives. And because it can take sperm up to 1-2 hours to reach the fallopian tubes, it's good to have as many waiting to receive the egg as possible.

Anyway, according to many articles, in a healthy couple--meaning no known fertility issues--intercourse during the fertile window only give between 20%-30% chance of pregnancy--I've seen between 15%-30% quoted---most stated that for couples with one or more fertility issues, this drops to 12%-15% chance of conception. So each cycle you may have no more than a 1 in 5 chance of conceiving...this is MUCH less than the certain 100% most of us grow up believing.

I think this is something that I remind myself of....because after 3 years of BFNs and a miscarriage, it can get disheartening to fail cycle after cycle after cycle.

Emotion and control

As many of you may or may not know, I have bipolar--a mood disorder. This means that due to environment and/or biological causes, my brain either has too much of a certain chemical that controls moods---at times there is not enough/too much or it doesn't have the receptors to receive what is there.

In regular words, this means that without medication, I will cycle through emotional stages that overwhelm my senses, decrease my attention span, increase impulsive actions (like spending, sexual activity, or other addictive behaviors), and even maybe cause thoughts of grandiosity--where literally I believe that "anything you can do I can do better" Literally. Or, at other times I am in the depths of despair, with feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and extreme guilt.

Sounds fun right? I consider this condition of mine a challenge to my goal of perfection. I wouldn't say it is a conscious goal. It's not something I actively add to my to-do list, but there is this undercurrent drive of the need to be better. On the flip side, this might also be interpreted as "I'll never be good enough". It just really depends on the mood I'm in.

On reflection, I see how this condition is the perfect check to the potential pitfalls of pursuing perfection. (I got really alliterative there!). It reminds me that I cannot put everything in a little box where it should behave as I want it to, or hope it will. Not people, not things, and not even my own body and mind.

At first glance, it would seem that this inability to check emotions without extreme awareness and assistance of medication is meant to spur me further into achieving perfection. At one time it did. Still does. But that is a mistake, because what it really is there to do is remind me that I cannot achieve perfection.

So, what is the solution then? Resign myself to being a failure? That is one way to look at it, but will inevitably encourage depression and cynicism. So far, the only thing I have found that really brings peace, that in moments of feeling out of control and anxiety, panic that to reach a place of calm serenity I must accept. Accept where I am, who I am, and what I have in that moment. Accept my limitations, my abilities, and knowledge. NOT what I wish I had, not the people or things I think I should have or be; Just WHAT & WHO I AM. Accept without reference to past or future goals.

Because it is only when I accept what I am, that I can perform and participate to the best of my ability. This is my starting point to wellness, and will be essential should I ever achieve pregnancy, as for the sake of the baby I will NEED to stop taking medication.

In this moment, I have peace of mind. I have skills to assist me in reaching that peace of mind. And I have  supporting, loving friends and family that will help me get there. But I have to do it.

My "magic" supplement list

Well, it's taken near 2 years, but I am hoping I have *finally* found the magic mix of supplements that has balanced my cycle and (God-willing) will assist in bringing me a sticky BFP! I thought I'd share this with you!

Now, I would just like to caution that because some of these supplements have worked for me does not mean that they will necessarily be the best choice for you. I try to talk to my doctor or at least my pharmacist before trying a new vitamin to see if there are any negative interactions with my Rx meds.

So, to summarize, my main issues that are inhibiting my fertility are:

1. Lack of good fertile quality CM, or enough of it;
2. Spotting before AF and/or short LP--my max on avg is 11 days and less than 12 gets to be a problem
3. ???? Overall hormonal balance

The problem is that a lot of my stuff is unknown since I supposedly had taken care of the prolactinemia. So, I'm going to list the vitamins/supplements I take, the dosage and the reason(s) I take them. Also, any warnings or known interactions.

• Royal Jelly
• 1 tablespoon full (usually just a regular spoon, dip in gel and eat what sticks to it!) If you decide to take a capsule, try to hit 1000mg daily
• Increase EWCM, overall hormonal balance--improve egg health and quality
• Some WARNINGS==If you are at all allergic to bee stings or honey, think very carefully before trying this amazing supplement. Please check with your doctor. If you are unsure, or want to try it anyway, start with a small dose and wait 48 hours to see how you react.
• Also, IF you take Clomid or another Rx med to induce O, double check with your doctor or pharmacist about whether Royal Jelly will counteract it. Although most doctors have no idea what it is, so just do your research. I would HATE for well-earned money to go towards fertility treatments that may be negated by this supplement.
• B6 and B Complex
• 200 mg B6; 50 mg Super B Complex
• To lengthen my LP and hopefully increase progesterone in the luteal phase and diminish spotting before my period.
• I take these together because most B vitamins go right through you if not all taken together. So to increase my absorption of B6 and Folic Acid, I am taking the B Complex with both.
• Folic Acid (B9)
• 4 mg Most recommend no more than 400-800 mcg during TTC. Because one of my Rx meds may deplete folate levels, I'm encouraged to take 4 mg, about 1000X the recommended daily amount. But B vitamins are water soluble, so whatever my body doesn't take in get expelled in my urine *this makes for some really BRIGHT Pee.
• This is mostly to decrease spinal defects in the embryo once it implants. Although there is research that is starting to find an increase in fertility with an increase in Folic Acid
• Prenatal--Multivitamin
• Follow package instructions
• I have been taking a vitamin pack lately that has daily doses of 4 different pills in foil wrapped packets for morning in night. It has:
• 1 Multi Vitamin in AM/PM
• 2 Calcium in AM/PM
• 1 Antioxidant blend in AM/PM
• 1 Probiotic in PM
• I was slightly worried about the Antioxidant one due to negative ramifications of Retin-A use, but I checked a few of the components out and lately have seen a lot of reading that says anti-oxidants help support fertility in important ways!
• I'm about to use the last of that pack, so I will be going to the Prenatal I had before 
• Trimedisyn  According to www.prenatalvitaminreviews.org this is one of the best Prenatals you can buy! So, yes, a bit pricey, but it would really be the best for your baby.

Whew, that's a lot! But I finally divided my two pillboxes into morning Rx meds and vitamins and evening Rx Meds and Vitamins. I was using one for Rx and one for Vitamins before, and this is SO much simpler!!!!!

4DPO today!

Ok, so I know I have not been sharing much with you guys lately. I really need to jump back on my blogging bandwagon, because it is fun! So, this cycle in summary, I had 2 days of potential BD in the fertile cycle, one of which was the day after O, so it might as well not count, the chances are that low.  The other was about 4 days before O, so not great chances there either.

However, still a chance. And what is encouraging to me is that I do think I have finally had a picture perfect cycle. Now if only it will get me my picture perfect BFP! I've had such classic CM progression. It went from dry to sticky to watery/creamy to EWCM....and I had at least FOUR days of EWCM!!! The one BD before O was also on the 1st day of EWCM. Also, I checked my cervix this cycle and I got a very high soft, medium open cervix the day or two before O.

Then, the day after I O'd I went from swimming in EWCM to dry by the end of the day! It was magical. And my temps! They have NOT been their usual pattern, but in this case I think it is good. My pre-O temps have gotten back in the low 97s like they did right around my pregnancy last July (2010). And my post-O instead of slowly climbing up, I had one spike of .7 on 1DPO, then another .5 on 2 DPO....I didn't get my fall-back temp until today!!!

So, here's my 4 DPO update for today!

So, 4DPO--
As traditional with me, symptoms are more severe in the evening. Most notable are dull aching/cramping in pelvis--not quite like AF, although today's were a bit stronger. Sometimes I just can't tell if it's constipation or actual cramping though.  Metallic taste in the mouth is continuing.And spotting that's not-quite-spotting....it was very scant and more like a brownish watery residue....not my usual at all. Temp went down slightly...I guess I'll call that my fall-back. I've had one as late as 5 DPO, but this one was slight--only .2 degrees. 
Mood---don't get me started, let's go with Moody. Although to be honest, I"m just pulling out of a depressed mood, and so a lot of it is that more than anything. I'm fine most of the day then get into a sullen mood with DH because he kept criticizing my choice of steak for the party.  He's just SO particular, but I was trying to save MONEY! Which he's always harping on! Anyway, he finally confronted me with an apology for his surly mood earlier (we were both gems today). Then I had to explain to him what about his behavior I found so upsetting. Not so much the surliness, but constant criticism when I do things FOR him. 
Ok, still not quite over that one I see. He did apologize and we made up, but not before I became a crying mess! 

Detect5 Progressive Pregnancy Test by early-pregnancy-tests.com

Sooo, I was looking through my inbox and got the monthly Early Pregnancy Tests.com newsletter featuring their August sales. (Seems a little late for sales at the END of the month). Anyway, a new test caught my eye. The Detect5 Progressive Pregnancy Test. Sounds intriguing, right?  Apparently, this test is like FIVE pregnancy tests in one. The design is to give you a better indication of where you may be in your pregnancy (or at least what levels of hCG can be detected in your urine at the time). Here is a picture to tease you with...

Detect5 Progressive Pregnancy Test

So, I haven't purchased this yet, as it is $25.00 regular (on sale for 19.95). Meaning to me that this is not a test I buy to SEE if I'm pregnant, but after a BFP is confirmed by cheaper means, this test would give me the luxury of determining AT home, what range my hCG could be detected in my urine.

For an infertile woman, this is priceless. How many of us anxiously await the phone call from our doctors with our beta hCG levels? Wondering how high they are?

Now granted, this would not replace the exact definitions of a blood beta hCG serum, but for most of us girls, the comfort of being able to tell if our levels were falling BEFORE the lab processes the results, sends them to the doctor's office, nurse receives and manages to call us with them.....well, might be priceless comfort for a girl in her 1st trimester.

So, one day, maybe, if I do get a BFP on more traditional HPT, I might buy one of these suckers. But at $19.95 a pop, I'd really want to need to use it...I mean if my Doctor is going to do a beta, I would most likely only use this after the 1st one or if I feared m/c....to see if the levels were dropping*.

*note--this test and the beta may not make a good comparison as the urine does not transmit as much of the hCG as the blood. So, it would only be an "estimate" of the change---even if lower it could mean no appreciative drop since the two means of testing are so different.*

Anyway, it's a cool idea, and I can see why one would be so expensive...essentially it's 5 tests, of varying hCG levels, plus the packaging. But....it's a lot. Not to say I haven't at LEAST thrown that much towards 50+ pregnancy tests that have all been negative in the last few weeks, but, still...when it's all at once on ONE test....don't know.

The way it works is you dip the test in urine...each of the 5 tests should get a purple control line. Then, if you have at least the amount of hCG in your urine, a line would appear on each test that has this much urine or less. The 5 levels are from least to greatest mIU levels: 25, 100, 500, 2000, 10000.

So, if you had more than 100 mIU hcg detectable in your urine, but less than 500, you would only see test lines on the 25 and 100 tests. Unfortunately, this means the higher you go that your level can be in a range that increases from 75, to 400, to 1500, to 8000.

Still, it's a step closer for women fearing miscarriage to see if their hCG levels are rising or falling. Or at least to give the1st trimester mamas some peace of mind.

This cycle so far...

I apologize readers for neglecting this blog so. I have been busy...looking for work, keeping house, unpacking, etc. So, I haven't been temping at a regular time every morning and it's making my temps a bit screwy. After adjusting one and leaving the rest, FF has settled on an O date for me. That makes me 8DPO today.

This cycle my BBs have been VERY sore. I decided to start rating it on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being worst pain. The last few days it has ranged from 6-8 in pain. And I was very tired the last two days, with pelvic cramps.

Today, my BB pain lowered to about 5-6. Fatigue was much less. Who knows. I started seeing some signs of spotting, so that may pick up in a day or two. If I haven't gotten full-fledged AF by Thursday I might test. I don't think I am pregnant, it's just strange symptoms for me.

Lesson learned--take my vitamins!

So with the move and everything I had a few times where my vitamins ran out and then I didn't fill them for a week or so because I was busy or something. That happened in June and July. Well, at least I know that they really are working for me, because the last two cycles after O was confirmed my period arrived around 3-4 DPO. It also could be stress or any number of things.

This last one decided to come on my birthday during the worst of my sinus infection!  Yipee! NOT.

So,  before I went to visit my family, I made sure I got back on my vitamin regimen. I am just hopeful that next cycle I get my semi-normal 11-13 day LP back!

Update on the move

Well folks, if you're still hanging around and checking for updates, I thank you. I may have not posted here about this, but in April DH and I finally started moving forward with plans to move back to TX. Unfortunately, our apt lease was until OCT, so we agreed at the time that he would go down at that time to start his business, and I would join him later. Sooner if I could find a job. It's been a tough few months and eventually with my parents help, we started moving forward with getting me and our stuff down there.

So, the last two weeks I have been packing with a great deal of help from family and friends. Without them, I may not have made it on time as I had a brief hospital stay after going to the ER with some concerning symptoms.  The doctors cleared me of anything life threatening and I really think it's mostly due to extreme stress, anxiety and fatigue.

Hopefully as far as TTC is concerned this will put an end to our enforced WTTC and put us on a track to start actively TTC. I do have to have an initial appt with my  cardiologist in August to look forward to.

I'm fairly certain this cycle is dead in the water. I haven't seemed to O yet according to my chart, but last cycle it didn't confirm until 5DPO. But I also wouldn't be surprised if due to the extreme stress I've been under gearing up for the move that O has been set back a bit. It may be too much to hope that O will happen after July 1st when I fly to TX, so I'll settle for another month of NTNP or so while we get settled back in the house, etc. It may not be until August that I get a chance to start back on my CBEFM (Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor) to start tracking O more precisely.

And once I move I'll pick a specific wake-up time to temp by. My current wake time is 7:10AM, but the last few weeks I tend to be awake anywhere from 5AM-6:30AM  to pee, so I end up taking it early. I may have to pick an earlier time, maybe 6AM. This chart looks ok, but majority of the temps have been adjusted. I know I shouldn't change them all, but I worry what it would look like without them around the same time. I may experiment and see what it would look like to change all the temps to the times/temps they were actually taken. Maybe my O would have been seen by now!

Time will tell. For now, here is a video of my last packing prep before the movers came

Understanding Male Infertility

Understanding Male Infertility

Check out article for Father's Day on how to address male infertility in Austin, TX.

I'm such a symptom whore

Hi fellow blog-readers! I'm sorry to have abandoned you for a bit. I went to TX Memorial Day weekend and saw DH. Also, we finally set a date for the move, July 4th weekend!!! As you can guess I have been very busy preparing to move, packing, leaving work, etc.

It was very exciting that I had just happened to be ovulating Memorial Day weekend when I saw DH. So I had a cycle where it *might* be possible for us to conceive. And I started getting some distinct IPS that were different than any I've had recently and resembled a few from my miscarriage. I started spotting around 8DPO---and then it lightened. Maybe IBS? I had fingers, toes and anything else crossed that it was so.

 I even decided to supplement with some progesterone cream. But then the bleeding increased and AF arrived Thursday morning. She just loves to crush my hope when it is at it's peak. I let myself be consumed again by every little symptom after promising myself not to listen to the symptoms again. 

Ah well. Maybe next time.

Fertility spotlight: Texas Fertility Center

Fertility spotlight: Texas Fertility Center

Check out newest article on Examiner.com

Support after pregnancy or infant loss in Austin

Support after pregnancy or infant loss in Austin

Here is my article on where to find support groups in the Austin area for pregnancy or infant loss. As I am the infertility and miscarriage examiner for Austin, I thought it might be prudent to remind people that there are those that need extra support on Mother's Day as it can remind them of their loss.

Acupuncture to treat infertility

Acupuncture to treat infertility

Check out my article at the Austin Infertility and Miscarriage Examiner page!

Infertility Myth Busted: "Slow down, you have plenty of time to have kids!"

Although infertility has no age boundary, the older a couple gets, the higher the incidence of miscarriages or difficulty in conceiving. According to RESOLVE among the risk factors to conception:

A woman's age can affect her fertility. By age 40, a woman's chance of pregnancy has decreased from 90 percent to 67 percent. By age 45, the chance of becoming pregnant declines to 15 percent. Infertility in older women may be due to a higher risk of chromosomal abnormalities that occur in the eggs as they age. Older women are also more likely to have health problems that may interfere with fertility. The risk of miscarriage also is much greater for older women. 

I don't know how many times  when sharing my fertility hopes and despair that a well-meaning friend or co-worker would pipe up with "You're young, you have plenty of time!" Such a comment stings in several ways.

• It instantly invalidates your struggles and fears. A comment like this says "You have no right to worry and your pain is unimportant."
• It also sends the message that the speaker is somehow bored or impatient with you and hasn't the time to comfort you about your concerns.

• One of the most frustrating aspects of this comment is it's complete ignorance to actual risk factors to fertility. 

The truth is, for most couples over the age of 35 the risk of infertility is heightened. Also, the actual likelihood of achieving conception from intercourse during the fertile period (3-5 days around ovulation) is only around 20-25% for healthy couples.

A couple ages 29-33 with a normal functioning reproductive system has only a 20-25% chance of conceiving in any given month (National Women’s Health Resource Center). After six months of trying, 60% of couples will conceive without medical assistance. (Infertility As A Covered Benefit, William M. Mercer, 1997) 

 So, it's incredibly frustrating and demoralizing when someone waves off your infertility concerns with a "You're young, this will pass!" It makes me want to scream and tear out my hair. I know the proverbial "biological clock" is over-used, but it has basis in fact! I say this not to be hopeless, but realistic, that each woman's fertility dwindles with each cycle. That's one less egg, one less opportunity to achieve pregnancy and one more step towards overall potential medical conditions that can affect your chances.

I guess the type of support I want from a friend when I am despairing over my last BFN and whether or not I'll EVER achieve a BFP is "I know it's so tough, but you'll get there!" I think that support is more welcome than advice, especially poor advice.

To get the low-down on Infertility, visit RESOLVE's Infertility 101 Check out RESOLVE for more information on National Infertility Awareness Week® (NIAW) and how you can get involved in your community!

Infertility Myth Busted: Having an infertility diagnosis means I must see a specialist

Infertility Myth: "Having an infertility diagnosis means I must see a specialist."

Many infertility diagnoses can be simply treated by the couple's OB/GYN (obstetrician/gynecologist). Most couples go to their OB/GYN to get assistance in diagnosing the obstacles to successful conception. He or she may also be able to treat the issue by assisting the couple with tracking the woman's ovulation and/or prescribing medications or other treatments to combat the particular issue. Depending on the doctor, he or she may be able to do further treatments. If further specialist intervention is needed, the OB/GYN will refer the couple to an RE (reproductive endocrinologist) for further treatment.

I myself was diagnosed with hyperprolactinemia for my anovulation. Upon reviewing my medications, my OB/GYN identified one of them as a possible culprit. Two weeks after stopping that med, I had my first crosshairs on my fertility chart!!! So far I haven't sought additional help, but am thinking of looking into another round of tests to see if there is something else occurring that might be causing my spotting around 9DPO (or full AF at that date). 

For an Infertility 101 go to RESOLVE.org to learn more about infertility. For more on how to participate in National Infertility Awareness Week.

BFN--Now waiting to TTC after move to Texas.

Soooo....after NUMEROUS BFNs--Big FAT Negatives on all of my HPTs....now we're in a holding pattern. I can't move until I get a job. DH is already down there starting his business. God-willing, either I get a job or his business takes off like a rocket and I can move down anyway.

I had quite  rotten week. Tuesday I was walking with a co-worker to get lunch and had a misstep on the pavement and twisted my ankle.  I had to hobble back to the office. Then he offered to drive us there and at the place my phone fell out of my pocket...I heard it and was so distracted by my ankle I said I'd get it back at the office. Got back and NO PHONE. He searched, I searched. Nothing. So I even went back in my car to see if it fell out of the car and there was nothing.

Got a new phone that evening, and then of course, my co-worker found it in the BACK of his car with a lot of other stuff. Since then been ibuprofen, elevating and icing. Thursday I got my period and was a royal, moody terror. I called in sick because I didn't want to inflict myself on others.

Ah well, I guess my TTC efforts will be focused on weight loss and getting to Texas!

Pics of Nephew Will from my visit!

 Hmm...I'll have to think about that.

So cute!

Yes, I know.

Argh, get me my booty (booby)

 Ah, relaxin with Mimi

 Just a little, Mom, please?

 Look who is shy!

 Just so precious!!!

To BFP or not to BFP?

Well, let's just say AF is playing games with me again. I try to ignore the possible pregnancy symptoms (yeah right). I was able to hold off testing until 9DPO. I had a super duper chart, my last 8-9 temps were all within a tenth of 98.6!

Then of course, I start to spot, slowly. And a very different kind of spotting. Dark red or brown, not light pink or bright red like usual. The last few days it seemed to only get heavier when I exercised. Then it would be almost absent.

Today my temperature took a nose-dive. I knew it would only be a matter of time. And I keep getting BFNs (though one or two evaps!!)

Well, today I had a rough day. Sprained my ankle, lost my cell phone....but I bounced back. After it now seems my spotting has receded after increasing. WTF?!

Maybe, just maybe, praying that this is a HUGE implantation dip and not the beginning of AF? Pretty please?

For those who see pregnant women EVERYWHERE

We all know how it seems the moment we start TTCing that suddenly pregnant women seem to pop out of the woodwork. And when you're infertile or have miscarried, it makes simple trips to the grocery store horrible.

One of my fellow TMPers pointed out this blog, Life, Loss and other things She posts an article calling this the "Infertility and Miscarriage Phenomenon" She really captures this phenomenon and how it feels to the infertile woman. She also has a great way to make the pain a little less.

Santa Baby?

BD'd today, so got genuine BD on O-3 and O. DTD on O-1, but the only possibility would be pre-ejaculate, and even if there were some (and I doubt it) there would have been so little that the KY may have killed it off. 

But,  it's enough. My BFP cycle we only DTD twice, on O-1 and O, so this is similar. I think the thing is that I wonder if this is what a normal girl's "fertile cycle" is like.

It's been so different for me. I usually have a bit of sticky CM, then sticky/creamy, then creamy/watery or creamy/EWCM. And it is usually scant. I don't want picture perfect CM but I just would like something that doesn't look like I'm producing two different kinds at once!

Also, I usually only get bb pain, increased sense of smell, and backache starting no more than the day before O and leading up to AF gradually increasing bb and back pain, others tend to fall away. Plus a few days after O is when the breakouts occur. But THIS time, it coincided with my picture perfect EWCM (that I made without EPO or Mucinex!!). It just seems like my body's been out of sync and now everything is working the way it ought to be.

So even if I don't get a Santa baby, I'm hopeful that this is a positive change that will eventually lead to my BFP. Hey, maybe Cheri22 will be right and I'll get a June BFP! But I wouldn't mind if she was off by a few months.

In Texas Meeting my New Nephew!

My sister's first baby was born 3/16/11. Welcome William James! He was 8 lbs 7.8oz and 22in long. My dad was able to get me tickets down and so I'm visiting for the weekend. Here is a picture


He's so adorable I can hardly stand it! More pics to come Tuesday!

Royal Jelly Effects and Cycle Changes. *Update at bottom*

So, after about 15 days of Royal Jelly, here is my experience....

As for not necessarily fertility benefits:

• Stable, long-lasting energy. I was getting over sinusitis and left me very tired. The day I started this I started having a stable alertness--not the jittery kind from an energy drink or coffee that goes away in an hour or so, but lasting at least through work.
• Also, a more stable mood. I do have a mood disorder, and have been (and still am) on psych meds since diagnosed. Not once since then have I felt this sort of mood stability....yeah, I might get weepy, stressed, or angry, but what is different is I am able to go right back to center. I now have the ability to calm down without getting derailed for a day or more or coming home and taking it out on DH! Not that it makes me happy per se, but it is like the harness you wear when you are on a climbing wall---if you slip, it's there to keep you from falling too far and hard and maybe help you get back on the wall.
• Appetite suppressant. Normally when I take something with an appetite suppressant (you know we've all tried ONE), it works awesome for the first day or two, but then the effects weaken and I crave food again. This stuff is pretty long lasting. Sometimes it's as if I get full REALLY fast. The other day I was in the middle of eating and just. did. not. want. food. I felt stuffed to the gills, but it was just breakfast. This is unlike me in many ways. It was bad at first, because I ended up only having a packet of oatmeal for lunch the first day, it gave me a headache I think from not eating enough.

Fertility effects:

•  Started taking on March 1st exactly! So, as of today have been taking it 19 days. This is actually enlightening because I'd assumed that my reaction last period was due to starting the Royal Jelly, but according to this it was started AFTER my last AF started...hmmm.
• Anyway, from observation it appears that I have had more emotional TWW, but back to a 9 day LP >p Only really spotted one day before, it seems I will have to trade one for another. It seems that my regular PMS symptoms have been magnified/altered slightly.

Really though, I'm not sure what I can attribute to the Royal Jelly. It certainly hasn't extended my LP at all. What I'm noticing now seems to be what happened my last cycle. And it sucks. Because what is happening as that I have slight TWW symptoms and then the 1st day or two of my AF I get super-duper preggo symptoms. Today, we went to Pike Place Market and we were having a good time, but I started to get queasy, dizzy, and tired. And my BBs are KILLING me. Like, they didn't hurt this much since I was pregnant. But if this is to follow last cycle, I was most definitely not pregnant. This is beyond frustrating. I'm definitely bleeding and even if I am somehow pregnant it is most likely a chemical. I'm not sure I want to know, because I most likely won't know the answer. I know that most cycle changes last for about 3 months or cycles. I'm hopeful that this will lead to increased fertility later, but if not I'd rather it stop because it is driving me batty!!!

ETA: I forgot to add that it seems to make my pee BRIGHT YELLOW. I mean neon. At least it's not orange. Also, at some point I liked the effects of the non-fertility benefits so much I increased to 2 capsules a day. Definitely tooo much. I started feeling itchy in my ears and pelvic area....as I said, I have no knowledge of allergies to bees, but I will definitely not be taking more than one capsule (500 mg) per day. I know I should probably leave well enough alone, but the non-fertility benefits are so great I don't want to give it up. So no more than 1 capsule a day.

Happy Birthday Nephew!!!

Today my nephew was born to my sister!!! He was a healthy 8 lbs 7.8 oz and 22 inches in length. He came right on time for his due date and kept Mama happy by not making her miss having her regular doctor there!

His name is William James. I can't wait to meet him!!!

Over-the-Counter (OTC) Drugs that are safe in Pregnancy

When I was last at my Doc's office a while ago I had asked about an OTC cold medicine that may be safe during pregnancy. He conveniently provided a list of OTCs safe in pregnancy.

Here's the list and text in it's entirety:

The following OTC drugs are generally considered safe to use during pregnancy, but should be used for a limited time. Please call your provider's office if you have questions:


Pain Control
Acetaminophen (Tylenol)
Ibuprofen (Advil, Motrin)
   Not in weeks 1-12 or after 34 weeks, unless prescribed by provider.  
   After 12 weeks, up to 600mg every 6 hours for 24 hours; then, must discuss usage with your 
  provider.
Any Cough Drops/Throat Sprays OK

Antacids/Digestive Aids
Tums
Gas-X
Maalox
Mylanta
Pepcid Complete

Anti-Diarrheal Preparations
Immodium AD

Laxatives
Fibercon
Metamucil
Cirtucel
Milk of Magnesia
Colace/Pericolace (Stool Softener)

Decongestants/Allergy
Sudafed (Psuedoephedrine) After 12 weeks
Benadryl (Diphenhydramine)
Chlor-Trimeton (Chlopheniramine)
Ocean Nasal Spray
Claritin (Loratadine)

Combination Drugs (Do NOT take Tylenol with these)
Tylenol Cold (Acetaminophen, Chlorpheniramine, Psuedophedrine) After 12 weeks
Theraflu  (Acetaminophen, Dextromethorphan, Psuedoephedrine, Chlorpheniramine)  After 12 weeks
Comtrex (Acetaminophen, Brompheniramine, Psuedophedrine)  After 12 weeks


Cough Preparations
Robitussin DM (Dextromethorphan)
Robitussin (Guaifensin)

Hemorrhoids
Anusol HC
Tucks
Preparation H

Anti-Nausea Aids
Vitamin B6
Ginger Tea (In moderation)
Raspberry Leaf Tea (some debate on this one)

Doxy-B Regimen for Morning Sickness
1/2 Unisom Tablet and 1 Vitamin B6 100 mg in AM
1/2 Unisom Tablet and 1 Vitamin B6 100 mg in PM
1    Unisom Tablet and 1 Vitamin B6 100 mg at Bedtime

Can't make comments!!

So, just wanted to let y'all know I really am appreciating all of your comments, but for some reason I have some glitch that isn't allowing me to post comments at ALL on Blogger! Basically I go to post a comment and the dropdown box that asks me to pick a profile has nothing for me to select. So I get an error message saying I have to pick a profile first! So d@mn frustrating!

Waiting for true IPS to begin...

Well, since hCG isn't produced until AFTER implantation is complete (which can take up to a day or two) it really makes little sense to pay attention to symptoms until that window starts right?

Which is one reason I've been discounting most of my symptoms up til now. Depending on which book/site/doctor you consult, implantation can happen anywhere from 6-12 DPO. So, all of my symptoms up til now have really just been my regular PMS.

So far I have had:

• Backache
• Sore BBs (sides, nips, kind of burning/itching on whole area at times)
• Headaches
• Fatigue--been worsening since O...now it is pretty constant but increases after 5PM
• Some moodiness/weepiness--but nowhere near as bad as in the past.
• Weird pain in pelvis--mostly dull cramps or cervix pain, but have also started getting a yeast infection---started Yeast Gard to circumvent
• Frequent urination--not as bad as last time, but cannot hold forever

That's about all...seems the usual list I get. So TODAY is now 6DPO, so I'm entering the beginning period when implantation may occur. So I'm on the lookout for some Implantation signs.

When I woke this morning, I had a HUGE temp dip. I did take my temp 2 hours early (again to pee!) BUT even adjusted it was 98.03, which is now below coverline. Part of the issue may be that it was daylight savings time last night (jump forward--lost an hour) so that accounts for some of the dip, maybe all of it. But potential implantation dip? Looking at my last preggo chart, other than my fall-back rise (which was also at 3 DPO) I didn't have a significant dip until 8DPO and was able to get a faint positive 4 days later at 12DPO using tests at about 25 mIU sensitivity.

To further complicate matters, my 10 mIU tests just arrived from Early Pregnancy Tests.com. OMG! Sometimes I wish Early Pregnancy Tests.com weren't so fast!  Them being so sensitive I reason they could catch a BFP as early as 8DPO...I must wait until Thursday to test (10DPO). Maybe if I don't open the package...

Philosophizing about attraction and fidelity

==Note-I started this post MONTHS ago, and just realized I never published it. It doesn't really have to do with TTC, but rather my thoughts on committed relationships and our behavior==

Today I was thinking about how what we believe about ourselves and what we believe about others is shaped by so many different influences. Society, family, teachers, friends, spouses...they and many others have been just one influence on what we think about life in general and our own purpose and role in it. Some repeatedly, others may have only one encounter with significant impact.

I think I was especially ruminating on the effect television, books and radio may have had on American views of co-ed interaction. It seems that there is little difference between how men and women interact when single or in a relationship. What I mean in particular is whether it is expected/allowed for men and women who are in a relationship to be alone with a member of the opposite sex. And this is looking at heterosexual interactions and leaving out the component of homosexual romantic overtures, which have differences.

It just seems in my opinion that as men or women we are so used to the possibility of a romantic connection that we may be overlooking the basics of a platonic relationship between the sexes. For instance, a woman who is happily married can be attracted to another man while being completely faithful and attracted to her husband.  Think about it. I realize many individuals reading this have realized this long ago, but I also know that many people act or think as if the above statement is a paradox. That it is mutually exclusive for a man or woman to be attracted to their partner AND another person.

I think there is so much jealousy and fear that this small allowance of attraction---to physical, social, character traits--of another person than the one they have committed to be with leads to the slippery slope of adultery. I disagree with this belief. Yes, in some relationships, especially ones that are rocky, this could be a danger. However, if we assume that both partners in the relationship are fully committed and caring for one another---and trusting--this could hold little risk.

In such a partnership, an attraction to another person--whether someone they interact with or a movie star--can be a valuable aid to increase the passion in the current partnership. This must come from the understanding by the person that this attraction is simply that--attraction. And this person also accepts that they can be attracted to more than one person and stay faithful to their commitments.

This is where I think the structure of mingling between the sexes muddles the interpretation of relationship status. For instance, to escape the danger of infidelity, it would be as simple as a person prohibiting themselves to be alone with another member of the opposite sex that there would be potential for a romantic relationship (this would exclude many family members). I know some people scoff at the separation of the sexes as unnecessary when considering "mature" adults. Maturity has little to do with it. It can help, but those who believe that "mature" adults can be alone with members of the opposite sex without being tempted are in denial. They are refusing to accept the possibility of being attracted to another person while in a relationship. Also, they are likely operating from the belief that to be faithful to one person, you can be attracted to ONLY that person. Which denies our fundamental make-up as humans to propagate our species.

Peak Day on CBEFM!!!

Well, today is it! My Peak Reading Day on CBEFM! My temp also jumped up to 98.0.....which makes me wonder if O was yesterdary, but that's hardly possible as the CBEFM is rarely wrong on these things. I did start a wee bit late on the test sticks, but I don't think it was late enough to have that much of a miscalculation. ALTHOUGH, with last cycle being super crazy, I did delay setting my CBEFM and my FF CD is off of each other.

So, today, I woke up and tested with certainty that today was Peak Day. And sure enough, there it was! It's strange feeling of certainty I feel. Almost certainty that not only have I O'd, but THIS is it. I'm going to get my BFP.

I really hate this certainty because it's much too early to be certain of the end result. Because that certainty has betrayed me before....even as recently last cycle. And not to rationalize, but last cycle I was reacting to symptoms in an almost manic surety. It's the thought that "these symptoms are so STRONG or UNIQUE (insert whatever) that I MUST be pregnant" Had a sense of nervousness, because it seemed as the knowledge was hanging on a thread that could snap any moment.

But now, even though I have almost NOTHING to go on I have this unshakeable certainty. Even though I don't want it because of disappointment that will be lurking around the corner it's not going away! I only hope it turns out genuine.

I guess we'll see in about two weeks....

Possible look at future babies?

I was at BabyCenter once and it had a Baby Morph tool to find out what you and your Partners baby would look like off of a picture. It was horrific! Someone at TMP posted about a website called Morph Thing and had a much nicer pic. I decided to give it a try and this is what came out:

Kind of cute, eh? Although I can see a bit of a shadow from DH's goatee, lol. You're not supposed to use photos with hair on the face.

Cardiac MRI rescheduled AGAIN!

Well, I knew I had my MRI today, but when I went to bed I forgot to set my alarm for it. I wake up at 7ish and start getting ready, then freak, b/c the MRI lab said I had to be there at 7:30AM and it was 7:10 (at least a 45 min drive in rush hour). I thought it was weird I had to be there so early, when my appt was for 9, but from what I remember the nurse explaining there was a bit of prep involved. So, I call them and say, "This is Melissa A- I know I'm supposed to be there at 7:30, but my alarm didn't go off"--tiny white lie--"but I think I can make it by 8:30" Person at MRI Lab asks, "When is your appt for?" I say "I think it's at 9AM" "Ok, come on in."

I get there, check-in and when the lab tech comes out, he says there was a mistake, my appt was at 8AM and because they are so busy today they can't fit me in. Oops. I forgot to check the appt before I called and recalled that it might have been the first or second appt I had rescheduled that was at 9AM. He tried to call my "home phone". I was confused because my "home phone" is my cell and I didn't get a single call. He said he didn't call that number because it was out-of-state and he though it was not a good number. So, gave me a card and said I could reschedule.

He was actually very nice and apologetic, but I was a bit perturbed that the person on the phone didn't bother to verify the appt. >(

Soooo, next one is scheduled for March 17th @ 8AM.

Oh, and I got my first High for the month on my CBEFM. Since it came rather close to usual O, I suspect I will fall on my old pattern of 2 Highs before my Peak. If that is the case, I may O on Sun! And if I do, I should expect full AF the day after the next MRI.

Argh!!!!!! I hate this timing! I just wish I would have done the first one despite getting sick, then it could be done and I wouldn't have to worry about this mess.

Royal Jelly and Infertility

So, I was at the supermarket today and happened down the vitamin aisle.  I was hoping to pick up a DHA supplement and look at prices and types of prenatals. Then I saw a Royal Jelly Supplement! This was in pill form but I have occasionally read about the benefits of Royal Jelly.

Just in case you're wondering, it is a bee product. It is produced by worker bees and fed to a single drone bee to transform it into a Queen bee. Most bees have a lifespan of about 20 months, whereas a Queen bee lives for 5 YEARS!!! There have been documented studies in it's benefits for fertility in animals and anecdotes from women AND men who have benefited from it.

I had to buy it and see if it has any effect. Hopefully it'll be a good one. In some sites it claims to be a good aid in IVF or IUI cycles as it increases egg health---good for increasing follicles and maturing eggs. Also for those with Male Factor Infertility (MFI) Royal Jelly is said to increase quality of sperm. The "science" of applying use of bee products to aid in health is called Apitherapy. See this blog on developments in the use of Royal Jelly and other bee products.

IPS (Imaginary Pregnancy Symptoms) from hell!!!!!

Well, I've been a bit silent since my 6DPO post due to two things:

1. DH was freaking out (again) over how much I share on the 'net. Admittedly, if WE are pregnant it will be joint effort although I will do much of the incubating and he should have a say in when and how it is revealed.
2. I had no friggin' clue what my cycle was doing!!

If symptoms could truly confirm pregnancy, I would have had my BFP. I had of course tested early on Valentine's Day (8DPO) as the POAS addict that I am. I delayed testing again until 11 DPO (it is amazing the effect of spending extra moolah on the tests has on your willpower!). Mostly with FRER, but at first had the CBE digi HPT. Anyhoo, still BFNs. By 12-14DPO I had been spotting for--no lie--6 days. Wasn't sure what to call it. I was giving up.

THEN, driving home from the GI doc, INTENSE nausea that did not diminish much after a bowel movement. Also, from that day on (and still) I've had intense sense of smell. Changed my sense of taste a bit too. This gave me hope. These were two symptoms I had my last pregnancy (a bit early on the nausea, but I wasn't really near vomiting, REALLY).

Still no BFP on my home preggo tests. If you remember, I was due to have another Cardiac MRI on Friday. I wasn't sure if the MRI itself was dangerous, but I was pretty sure the contrast dye they used was not so helpful. To give it extra time, I called and moved it again. This time I asked the lab advice on possible pregnancy. They advised a beta and they would not do the test. When I called the Heart Dr.'s office, they said though that it shouldn't prohibit the WHOLE test, but just to have no contrast. We were having a lot of snow that week, so I kept that changed appt time. 

So, THIS Friday (March 4th), I'll be finally heading in for this Cardiac MRI. I'm 98% certain I ain't preggo. (always a little doubt when TTCing, right?). I am still at a loss for my intensified symptoms. Not only have I had continued increased sense of smell (despite a stuffy nose!), my temps have been wavering around my coverline, breasts have had a different level of tenderness, and slight dizzy spells. Backaches were increasing too, but that could be me missing the chiropractor due to snow. 

At some point I just wondered if taking Vitex (Chasteberry) for just a week had some sort of impact. ALSO, when I started gaining hope I decided to help it out by taking some progesterone cream. I think I took too much and this is the true culprit of my "symptoms".

Ah well, if I can get this Cardiac MRI done then maybe I can find out what is happening there, if needed change meds and really jump on the TTC bandwagon!

The Essence of the TWW

I was just mulling over my last cycle again. I went back and forth between certain optimism that this IS the cycle and I AM pregnant to reminding myself that realistically, my "symptoms" over my TWW can change from cycle to cycle just cause that is what our bodies do. We never have "the same" TWW--there will always be that one tiny thing we can point out that is new or different--that we can try to hang our hat on as an indicator that we are pregnant.

But this is the essence of the TWW--the cycling between hope and despondency. We have put so much work, sacrifice and pain into "helping" our bodies create the perfect environment for growing a young life that we anxiously examine any sign that would prove our efforts are not in vain and that we are not engaged in an endlessly futile struggle.

I think it will be the death of me (or my efforts to TTC!)

My Review of The Keeper/Moon Cup

So, you might have read a post of mine a few weeks ago about buying a Menstrual Cup to replace my pads. I chose the Moon Cup--which is the silicone version of The Keeper (made of natural gum rubber or latex). I'm not necessarily allergic to latex, but I liked the idea of a clear one and just in case I was and since the prices were the same, I thought, why not? Here is a picture of the Moon Cup  and the Keeper

So, I did finally start spotting/bleeding enough to give this thing a whirl. I chose Size B (Before Childbirth). The first few times I think I didn't have it in exactly right b/c it still leaked to my undies, but after using it a few times I think I found out how to make it work. I may still have to practice some more, but it seemed to reduce to leaking only so that it showed on toilet paper or not at all.

I was curious how I was going to measure how much of a flow I had. The fullest it has gotten after 8 hours in was 1/4 full. Also, and this may be TMI----I'm on Amoxicillin for my sinus infection and according to TCOYF it is the BEST way to produce EWCM. So, I usually have just a pinky nails worth of blood and the rest is EWCM....very interesting. I decided to wear a pad one day so I could compare the flow---I would say I was having very light flow (almost just heavy spotting as it was inconsistent throughout the day). I did really miss my Moon Cup when I went back to my maxis. Back to feeling like wearing a diaper.

Oh, and when I first started using it I insanely decided to cut just a little of the stem, but either didn't have sharp enough scissors or the the tip was wrong b/c every time it left a jagged edge. So I ended up having to cut the stem off completely! It really wasn't that bothersome before I cut it and I do think it helped with removal a lot.  Also, now that I have no stem I will have to get a little dirtier than I might have with the stem intact.

I would say if you have ever used an OB tampon (without an applicator) that it is about the same. But if you really just can't imagine sticking your fingers anywhere near your hoo-ha (especially when AF is in town) then this might not be your product.

I will say that I needed to experiment to find the right position to insert it. I find it is easiest in the shower now. Of course in public I'll end up having to do it on the toilet so I'm practicing that way a lot. I think I still need more practice getting it in far enough to be comfortable, but it would have helped perhaps to have not cut off the stem.

Overall, I'm very happy with my purchase and am glad to be saying Buh-bye to pads/tampons forever! I highly recommend it.  

Sinuses, temp spikes, sleeplessness, Oh my!

Ok, I know I've used the ol' "Wizard of Oz" Lions, and Tigers, and Bears, OH MY title before, but how can you resist? Also, this is a super long post, and if you read the whole thing, bless you! : )

Sinus update--fatigue is somewhat less, but cough is way worse, sore throat moderately sore (compared to severe) and ears are itchy. Yuck. I kind of wish I'd asked the Dr at the Walk-in for a z-pack in hopes this would clear soon---I saw online it was pregnancy category B!! So is the amoxicillin he gave me, but I have 10+ days worth!! One cool thing he gave was a list of OTC (over-the-counter) meds that are "safe" for pregnancy. (Expect a post with that later!)

Temp spikes---click the link to my chart at the top--99.1! Now for most people this would be a fever. I suppose it could be. I feel I don't have any reliable fever thermometers. The only one I trust is my BBT. Also, woke at 5AMish to pee and so got slightly less sleep than needed to accurately trust the temp. Here's the thing though---lately, my pre-O temps are hovering between 97.6 and 98.1---98.0 is my coverline and my pre-O temps were more often in the lower half of the 97s. So, now my coverline is about the same, but my pre-O temps seem to hover just underneath that until O. SO, assuming that I COULD be pregnant, and that I MIGHT go triphasic, it makes sense that I would get up to the low 99s, right?? (See me desperately grasping straws)

The sleeplessness thing. This COULD have been since I got the sinus infection (about 1 week pre-O) BUT from what I recorded on FF, the waking regularly around 4AM has been since O....not my usual LP experience, though it has happened a few times, this time it is CONSTANT. Also, the frequent urination thing---I usually overestimate this one, but I timed it the other day and 30 minutes after peeing I need to go again.  I can guarantee I will wake at least once before temping (~7:10AM--I know I'm weird for picking that time) and that time has ranged anywhere from 3:30-5AM. Most of those are early enough that I technically can get enough sleep in to have the required 3 hours sleep before temping. But not always. So, I just went and marked every day that I seemed to wake up early AM.

And, I know this is not the accepted truth, but I SWEAR that I have tested myself by taking temps when I first wake (at an early hour) and then again when I wake at regular testing time---and my temp DROPS. This is exactly opposite effect from what you read about in most charting materials. I suspect it is because I get all snuggly under the heavy covers that it acts as a sort of incubation and the first waking and getting out of covers creates a massive cooling down that the short amount of sleep can't regain the temp.

So, high temp, but this morning the leftover sperm from yesterday was streaked with darkish or bright red blood. This is just about on-cue for me to truly start spotting with my reg cycles. But at the same time I have doubt because, well, not to get to TMI, but let's just say there was a lot of irritation in the vajayjay after yesterday's exercise. Right after there was NOTHING. Today, just flecks in the seminal fluid.

Oh, and I decided to test using my CBEFM test sticks with my Clearblue digi OPK reader---the sticks look ALMOST exactly the same. It sure fit. Please don't laugh, but I was so tired when I first woke to pee at 5AM that I think I compromised the test with overflowing urine. I'm new to the CB OPK digi and I forgot that you put the test in the reader BEFORE peeing on it. I was using it like I would for the CBEFM. The CB OPK digi reader wouldn't work with it. So I tried again at 7Am and it did read it...got nothing though. And it looks like Estrogen is back in dominance, which for the average LP it would be higher than LH at this point. I wish there were a home Progesterone test! Kind of pointless unless it is quantitative and all home tests are qualitative (i.e. first one gives an exact # of the levels and the second is just a Yes/No answer). So if there were a Progesterone pee stick I'd have to take a baseline one right before O and then start testing later...but still, it'd be hard to know just HOW high it is getting.

I know we POAS addicts like to think a darker line means more hormone in the test (OPK, HPT, FSH, whatever) but the truth is that although this is generally true, each batch of the respective tests can have a varying amount of dye in each test---meaning same brand, different batch could yield very different results from the same urine sample in terms of color darkness. So, that's why ladies if you take an HPT one day that is super dark and the next very light followed by another dark one---mostly differences in dye, but then you add in different concentrations of urine (unless you truly used all from the same urine sample within 1 hour). Same thing for OPKs. We all like to think we can line up our OPKs and see a gradual darkening of the test line--and generally we can, but don't be surprised if there are a few in-between that get really darker or really lighter than the previous--it's all down to dye and pee.