E for Encouragement!!

So today's post is more of a general, "hey, look what I found!" than a specific TTC post. Although, I do know that all of us TTCing (especially us LTTCers) could use some encouragement!!

Actually, many of you many not know that I am a social worker, specifically with a Masters and that I now am working as a therapist in a community mental health agency. I'm very lucky to be working with a co-worker who has extensive experience in Dialectical Behavior Therapy or DBT as we call it for short. She has been leading a DBT group for some time now and when another of my co-workers left I was honored that she asked me to co-lead with her!

So, I have been co-leading for a few months now. Our sessions are 2 hours long, once per week and last for 8 sessions. There are 4 different "areas" or "topics" that are focused on each cycle. This cycle we're on is that last new one for me to experience and personally, for me one of the most helpful (Emotion Regulation). It really helps me to understand how emotions function and to recognize when they go awry. I already knew much of the information before, but DBT organizes it into one cohesive material.

So, today's class was actually focused on Distress Tolerance (who doesn't need that!) or probably more commonly thought of as stress management, but in DBT the focus is on managing your emotional intensity so it doesn't rise so high that you can't function and achieve your goals, but still be aware of them and how you're being affected, instead of "numbing" yourself or being "mindless."  One way this is achieved is by using simple skills to bring down your stress level and in Distress Tolerance this is generally helped by focusing on other things or activities.

Today was a fun day because we had just finished "Self-Soothing" and gave them all a small package of various items to self-soothe with, such as candles, relaxing teas, lotions, and calm music.

Today we learned the IMPROVE skills. IMPROVE is an acronym to help them remember the skills easier when they are away from their books. These skills are useful, but can also seem cliched because parents or caregivers often will tell someone to "imagine a happy place" or "listen to happy music" when a person is down or sad instead of listening to them and validating their feelings.

However, they are still very useful skills and the last one in IMPROVE is Encouragement. Basically, tell yourself things like, "I think I can" "I can take this one step at a time" "I am making a good effort" etc. You can see how it might seem cliched right?

After work I was writing up my notes and listening to my Pandora Radio on my iPhone when "The Middle" by Jimmy Eat World came on. As I started singing along I really listened to the lyrics and realized that this was the PERFECT encouragement song for my clients! See the lyrics below:

Hey, don't write yourself off yet

It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.

Just try your best, try everything you can.

And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away.

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.

Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).

Hey, you know they're all the same.

You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in.

Live right now.

Yeah, just be yourself.

It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else.

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.

Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.

Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).

Hey, don't write yourself off yet.

It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.

Just do your best, do everything you can.

And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say.

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.

Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.

Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).

I just think it's so uplifting and fitting for, well, everyone, but especially my clients. I love the last verse, especially "Just do your best, do everything you can. And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say"


If you'd like to learn more about DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) find more information at Amazon 

AF has landed!

Well, AF has finally come, after 5 or more days of leaving her calling card. It's kind of nice, I get a bit of a countdown to AF. This time at least her breadcrumbs weren't super big. The spotting still started about 5 days ago but was not very noticeable.

That's relieving. I forgot my night dose of progesterone and wonder if that was one reason AF battered through the front door.

BUT, I nearly didn't go in for work. If I didn't have the on-call pager with me, I probably would've stayed home. I was so NAUSEOUS when I was driving in, but it got better throughout the day. I think the Midol was really what helped.

So, cycle analysis time! Very early O (for me) at CD13....was CD14 but I reported Watery CM around my regular O-time and it shifted back because of that. Overall a pretty chart. My EWCM was weeeeiiird though. It was like sticky, but completely CLEAR! I guess like the feel of rubber cement but super clear. NO cloudiness whatsoever.

Well, I had really weird TWW symptoms. Totally Gassy the whole time. BB pain was strange. Started in armpits and at one point was so painful, almost as much when I was pregnant it made me wonder.

That's the worst part. I must have had nearly ZERO chance of pregnancy, but that didn't stop my brain from wondering hmmmm, what if?

So much that I took 3 of my new 10 mIU pregnancy tests, just cause. That's literally flushing money down the toilet! (but only .98 cents apiece, so not that pricey).

Well, hopefully I'll be able to improve my LPD. I fear though that my particular brand is from poor FSH stimulation in the Follicular phase instead of progesterone deficiency. Time will tell.

FF I loathe you sometimes...

So I wake up this morning and entered a new temp (98.4 at 7:15AM) and today FF decided to change my date AGAIN. I think it is because of the watery CM after O. I have no doubt based on temps that my O was either CD13 or CD14 (now FF moved it back to CD13). Still really early for me, and although I was having fertile CM after O (and around when I normally do) my temps would have to go up to around 99 to shift O to now.

Plus I've been having SUPER PMS since my "O" date of either CD13/14. It is interesting that my TCOYF still thinks I O'd on CD14. I did test it and if I take out the Watery CM on FF CD22 and CD23 it shifts back to CD13. Whatever, either way, my chance of pregnancy is around 10%...sounds like a lot, but most of that is generous. Plus, my BD before O was "protected" with spermicide. Not the most reliable protection but definitely brings chances down.

It just messes up my Countdown to Pregnancy - My Two Week Wait Symptoms because for some reason you can't change the O date unless you delete the cycle. And then I'd have to manually enter all of the signs and symptoms again. Too much work for 8 days or 9 days! Plus if my O date changed again I'd have to do it again! I might have to email them about this issue.

Ah, well, we'll see what the cycle brings. I'm happy to say with the B6 and Progesterone cream that my spotting is soooo light. Not as heavy as last time at all and almost seems non-existent. So, although it started around 6-7DPO it's not bothersome enough to worry me. Definite improvement from last cycle.

This is the house that Estrogen built

First off, when conceiving this post I was originally going to call it "This is the House that Progesterone built" because I assumed that high levels of progesterone were directly linked to PMS symptoms.

Then I decided to do a bit of research. I found a website based on the research of one Dr. John R Lee, who pioneered studies in the 1970's on how natural hormones (bio-identical hormones) affect women's hormonal balances compared to traditional Hormone Replacement Therapy (synthetic hormones or ones from other species). He coined the term "Estrogen Dominance" which he found responsible for many diseases and symptoms, including PMS.

From reading many of the articles on his site I learned that Dr. Lee found progesterone's role in hormonal balance was to help break up excess estrogen. So, estrogen dominance is usually caused by low progesterone.

So, what was I going to write about today? The fact that since day 3 of progesterone cream my PMS has skyrocketed. I've had increased bb tenderness since yesterday (feeling bruised), fatigue and constipation in addition to the gassiness I've had since around O (totally abnormal for me). Today I had the tiniest bit of spotting after work. Super anxiety, but that's more related to what has been going on with me lately.

Again, I assumed that it was a side-effect of using progesterone cream, but my initial research on progesterone symptoms was inconclusive....it seemed that the primary symptoms linked to high progesterone were fatigue and I think water retention but not ALL of the PMS symptoms were mentioned. I kept wanting to remind myself that this could not possibly be pregnancy so, it must just be the progesterone.

I only BD unprotected day after O and although it is included on FF's intercourse analyzer, actual estimated probability of conception on that day alone is nil. It's just included because you can't exclude the possibility. The 1995 study in NEJM by Allen J. Wilcox, M.D., Ph.D., Clarice R. Weinberg, Ph.D., and Donna D. Baird, Ph.D. that analyzed intercourse patterns by days around ovulation gave the day after 12% chance JUST because you can't exclude the probability.

So when I got home I did further research and found the information about estrogen dominance. Apparently Dr. Lee believes the majority of PMS symptoms, especially the mood ones, are caused by either estrogen dominance or deficiency. So do I have that? I dunno. I'd have to get tested to see. But I suspect since I have signs of LPD that I may have the estrogen dominance.
So now I'm attributing the increased symptoms to potential estrogen dominance....at least it's not progesterone.

For more information on Dr. John R Lee's research on hormone balance through natural means check out this book and others on Amazon.

Interesting Temp Spike

This morning, at 4DPO I had a humongous temp spike! Whoa! See below

Just waiting to see if I spot, when I spot, and how long till AF. ***fingerscrossed*** my LP gets longer, without FIVE days of spotting first!

Either bumping up the B6 to 200mg or adding progesterone will help. Shoot, need to take another dose. I keep forgetting the evening one.

Early O....hmmm

Well, yesterday I noticed I had two high temps and I was wondering if maybe I had already O'd. I entered a fake temp for Sunday and voila! O date on CD13. Then just to be sure I entered another high temp and the O date was changed to CD14.  Which is really early for me. I normally don't O until CD19-21.  I'm hopeful that *maybe* this is the B6 working? I really don't know if it changes the O date to help lengthen the LP or how it works.

I guess I'll just keep observing this cycle and hope that the LP lengthens. I started using progesterone cream to see if that would help end the spotting.

Urgh....

Had a super stressful week. All this time I thought my chest hurting was bronchitis and then realized I was just SUPER stressed about work.I think I just got over-worried about having to turn in FMLA certification and then some weird misunderstanding with my boss. It's all sorted now, but Monday they're going to announce that we all must have a minimum caseload of 70 clients! I'm so hoping that because I run two groups that I might not have to have THAT many but it will certainly mean my numbers stay up to sixty. I'm trying to figure out a different option.

One of my co-workers is looking in to setting up his own practice. Might not be a bad idea and as long as I have a supervisor I could do it. Might do a little research on that. I thought I had to wait to get a license but apparently not.

OMG, EXTRA sensitive HPTS!!!!

So, for the longest time I've had this chart of hCG levels of various tests. There was one brand on there by ACON labs that was 10 mIU sensitivity, but the site doesn't seem to sell to the general public.  Well, I was researching a post for my forum about HPTs and was visiting www.early-pregnancy-tests.com.  And they JUST released their new Extra Sensitive Early HPTs!!!! I'm not even TTCing right now and I bought 20!!!!

If you're wondering why I'm freaking out over 10 mIU or thinking "what's an mIU?" I'll explain. With pregnancy tests (and most of the hormone tests) the lower the mIU (million International Units) the more sensitive the test. Why does this make a difference? Well, after ovulation IF an egg is fertilized it can take anywhere from 3-5 days to travel down the fallopian tubes and into the uterus where implantation occurs. This is generally believed to happen anywhere from 7-10 days past ovulation.

SO, if you've just implanted (say 7DPO) then the amount of hCG in your system will be very low (hCG isn't produced until the egg implants). Most doctors consider a blood level of < 5 mIU of hCG as NOT pregnant. Most early pregnancy tests are around 20-25 mIU (FRER (First Response Early Result) recently revised theirs to SOMETIMES 12-15 mIU). Sometimes if a woman implants early enough or produces a monster amount of hCG quickly a FRER or other early result HPT will POSSIBLY produce a faint BFP around 9-10DPO. Usually women don't see even a faint BFP until 11-12DPO (although a minority will get one earlier).

So, with an early HPT of 10 mIU you could find out earlier and with assurance that your BFP is not an evap.

One negative that I see of this and other early result tests is that if a woman is experiencing a chemical pregnancy (where a fertilized egg implants but within a week or two the pregnancy fails) then they may get the joy of achieving pregnancy but also the pain of a loss.  Without early result pregnancy tests, most of these women would probably not have tested because their period might have come before they had a concern to test.

It's a risk we all take. Sometimes the dream of pregnancy has us soaring high to only to crash and burn.

Nausea and Dizziness...why?

Well, as I've mentioned (several times before) I still have bronchitis. Pain in the you-know-what. Lately it seems that I get sharp stabbing or prickling/burning pains when I breathe and constant dull ache on the lower part of my ribs. My doctor doesn't seem concerned and with 3 doctor's bills waiting to be paid I'm not too anxious to create more unless necessary.

Lately my dizziness is increasing. Lately I've only been dizzy 1 or maybe 2 times a day. Today it was several. When I coughed very hard or got up too fast (duh). It seemed like 6-10 times today that I was so dizzy I had to pause to catch my balance.

I checked and there are several sites that show nausea and dizziness as possible either symptoms or side effects of meds for bronchitis.

I was so confused that I even took a HPT

I knew I shouldn't but, it just had me wondering. I'm such a sucker for pee sticks! Even when I know beyond a shadow of a doubt (ok a little doubt) that there's no way I still succumb to the allure of testing. It's an addiction.

New goals....waiting longer to TTC.

Well, recently at my psychiatrists I realized that after the last 90 days (m/c, knee sprain, sick with flu, bronchitis) that I am no longer as emotionally stable as when I started the summer.

So, I realize that in addition to making sure my heart is in the right condition for pregnancy, I'm going to re-assess my mental health each month to see if I'm prepared for it.

Also, I'm excited about the prospect of losing weight. I think this will help me get my heart in the best condition possible as well. So, whenever I get healthy again (no longer sick with cold/bronchitis) I'm going to start using my Wii Fit, starting at least twice per week.

You might see my Weight loss ticker above with my charts...here it is

As you can see I'm currently at 8 lbs lost. I re-made the goals a few weeks ago. Also, I'm using a newish product called Sensa

 

The way it works is you sprinkle it on your food (salty for your main dishes or savory foods, sweet for desserts, muffins, etc) and then when you smell it (has no smell really) it triggers a reaction in your brain that tells you you're full. I end up eating much less on Sensa and feeling satisfied. I feel like it's training to let me know what my full signals are like. 

Oh, and today, another kick in the pants. I started realizing I was having a pain in my lungs when breathing last night. And I've been using the inhaler the hospital gave me more often. SO, went to my PCP (managed to snag an early morning appt) and now I have a cold.
Grreeeeeeeaaaaaat 

I get it God! No baby-making right now! The baby factory is closed for repairs until further notice!

Newest Prenatal--Stuart Prenatal Vitamin

So, I ran out of Prenatals while I was sick. Because I really didn't feel like going anywhere and I wanted to give myself a chance to recover, I wasn't really going out to GNC to get some. Plus I had a coupon for Stuart Prenatals
When I was researching prenatals when I first was TTC, these were the ones that seemed most recommended. Full price, they're around 30 bucks, so pretty pricey, but let me say they're worth it! You can find cheaper ones on eBay, etc, but expect the expiry date to have passed or be within a few months. Most brand new ones I think have at least 1 year. Since I was trying them out for the first time and I'm still just TTCing, not yet preggers, I thought I'd go for ones that expired this Sept.

So far, I have to say I love them, if JUST for the fact that the pill is a decent, swallowable size, AND I only need ONE per day. Unlike my GNC where I had to take two huge honking horsepills each day.

I know many women get nauseous from vitamins. I'm usually not one of those, but generally I do eat when I take them. I don't know if I can honestly assess Stuart Prenatals nauseousness factor because I've been already a bit nauseated the last few days (cramps???). I only started taking them yesterday.

So far though, A++. Also, although you may pay 30 bucks a pop for a bottle, there are 100 tablets each bottle, and you only take one per day. SO, really you're paying for about 3 months worth of prenatals...which averages out to 10 bucks a month. Not bad really!

Finally! CD1 is here!

Whew! Woke up this morning to full flow! After 5 freaking days of SPOTTING!!! Arrrrrrggggh! I HATE LPD!  Well, someone on TMP suggested seeing my doctor. I may have to do that in the next month or so. I just wish my OB had appts on Sat or after work like my PCP can.


That just inspired me to make one. I set it for November 1st---the week before my ECHO. Because I think regardless of whether my Cardiologist suggests WTTC even after ECHO, making sure my cycles are set is most important. Also, I'm freaking sick of 5 days worth of spotting. Plus, not entirely sure AF would've started full force today, but we DTD lastnight/this am. (shrugs)

Well, I also think I'm going to increase my B6 to 200mg...hopefully that will help. That's supposed to be the max. Perhaps I should split some and only take 150mg. I also think that at some point this cycle I stopped taking the B6....when I was sick I felt "what's the point?" and didn't take ANY meds.

Well, we'll see! At least I FINALLY started this cycle. Here's the funny part, if my cycle is about the same amount of days, I'm likely to get AF the weekend before or on the date of my ECHO!