Sadness...

Well, today I had my 4th blood draw. My numbers went down from 77 to 46. So, I am officially miscarrying. In one week I'll take another pregnancy test to make sure my levels are down to pre-pregnancy levels. Then on to TTC again...

Doctor appts and Beta levels

So, good news, today my doctor's office at the MICC (Maternal-Infant Care Clinic). It's not until 08/16/10, and they said that it will most likely be giving them my information a pelvic exam and MAYBE a "small" ultrasound. What is a "small" ultrasound?

I went for my second beta this morning. I called and asked and checked online on my e-care, but still no information. When I talked to the nurse last she said that they didn't have the results and could possibly call back tomorrow.

And DH is riding me about having low blood-pressure because someone he knew had low blood-pressure in pregnancy and it affected her kids mental ability.

*sigh* I can't wait until 08/16.

First OB appointment

So today I had my first appt with an OB at my current OB's practice. She was very nice and answered a lot of my questions. Thankfully she agreed to do two betas  So I had one drawn today and will go back to the lab on Wednesday to have the second beta drawn.

DH is soooo impatient. He texted while I was in the appt and then after wanting to know NOW. I had to call him and explain how the betas work. I wonder if he was thinking it was like a urine test that only takes a few minutes.

Well, apparently it was his Mom that was really impatient. Eventually MIL called me. I explained to her how it works and that maybe I could call in the morning to see if I could get the results. If not I'll ask for them Wednesday when I go for my second draw.

The only thing about the appt is that I mentioned how I had a lot of ovary pain since my previous menstrual cycle and she mentioned I should look out for signs of an ectopic.

BUT, I'm convinced that the left ovary pain I am having is something else entirely. I had severe abdominal pain after I O'd in June. It became kind of a dull ache and then after I O'd it started to be more painful. And I'm completely positive that I O'd on my right for my BFP cycle. I had the O pain there and everything. Plus, I don't think twins run in my family so I really doubt that I would have O'd on both.

This is what I must tell myself in order to be calm and positive. Plus it is true. But now I am really aware of my abdomen and any little ache or pain. 

So, technically today's quote is from week 5, but as it seems pertinent to the topic I thought I'd include it today. Most italics, underlines, and bolding are my own.

Week 5 Your Pregnancy Week by Week:

Quote:

Symptoms of an Ectopic Pregnancy: * cramps Yes * tenderness in the lower abdomen sorta * bleeding or brown spotting seems to be more related to cervical irritation * shoulder pain, caused by blood from the ruptured tube irritating the peritoneum in the area between the chest and stomach NO * nausea Yes * low-back pain Yes * low blood pressure Yes Diagnosing Ectopic Pregnancy It may be difficult for your doctor to diagnose an ectopic pregnancy because many of the same symptoms can be present in a normal pregnancy. To test for an ectopic pregnancy, HCG is measured. The test is called a quantitative HCG. The level of HCG increases rapidly in a normal pregnancy and doubles in value about every 2 days. If HCG levels do not increase as they should, an abnormal pregnancy is suspected. In the case of an ectopic pregnancy, the woman may have a high HCG level with no sign by ultrasound of a pregnancy inside the uterus

4 weeks along!

So, today symptoms are very fatigued, backache, cramps, nausea (off and on, mostly afternoon/evening), BAD heartburn (sometimes), frequent urination, extreme dizziness, boobs more sore and shortness of breath.

I also seem to be having MORE heart palpitations than I usually have from my heart condition.

Today, I told my good friend DeAnna that I'm pregnant. She and I already had loose plans today and when she called and asked what I wanted I asked to go to a craft store, because I know she LOVES crafts and I thought I could you know, say I wanted to look at scrapbooking or stamping and then point to a baby theme and ask if it would be good for announcing my pregnancy.

Well, we got there and it was mostly fabric. She is on a big sewing kick so of course we started looking at the fabrics. There just happened to be a crib display with a really cute blanket. We were looking at it and she mentioned how she couldn't wait to start sewing for my baby. So I said yeah, I couldn't either and she better get started soon. She immediately picked up and after confirming it, showing her a pic of my BFP tests (yeah, I have them on my phone, who doesn't?) we just had an nice afternoon talking about what clothes she wants to make. 

She REALLY wants me to have a girl, but for some reason a girl just feels wrong when I think about this baby. It just might be wishful thinking, and you know I would LOVE a girl...I just don't feel that this baby is. I'm not sure really why. It's hard to think of the baby generically. 

Excerpt from Your Pregnancy Week by Week for 4 Weeks:

Quote:

Environmental Pollutants and Pregnancy Drinking water may contain lead if your home has brass faucets, lead pipes or lead solder on copper pipes. You can call your state health department; ask them to test your water. Running water for 30 seconds before you use it can help reduce levels of lead; cold water contains less lead than hot water. In addition, if you use crystal goblests with any regularlity, be aware that lead crystal contains lead, and you might be exposed this way. And be aware that some scented candles have wicks that contain lead, so avoid these during pregnancy. Arsenic may be hiding outdoors in your back yard, which may cause problems during pregnancy. Furniture, decks and play sets made from pressure-treated lumber may be preserved with chromated copper arsenate. This chemical was banned in 2004 but may still be present in some situations. Wash your hands thoroughly after you've been outside, and protect picnic tables with tablecloths when you eat on them. A polyurethane sealant applied once a year can help protect you from arsenic exposure.

And the results are....

Here is my ticker for Pregnology:

Make a pregnancy ticker

Today I felt different. My temp kept going up, which was a good sign and I woke up feeling like I'd been punched in the stomach. So, I got up and decided to test again. And I saw the faintiest faintest of lines.



It was so exciting, but I had to know for sure. I told DH that I could be, but he's so used to me getting excited over *might* be pregnant that he was in disbelief. So I waited til he left and took the digi...this is it



I was so happy excited I started hyperventilated a bit. It was kind of a combo of crying and laughing. So I texted the pic to DH saying, Suck on this Baba! I was still a little peeved because he also insists on being in the WAITING ROOM during the delivery. Lily-livered weakling. I think he'll come around.

But he's very excited now. He came home and gave me the biggest hug ever! I can tell he's happy, he won't let me eat diet food and won't let me lift anything. (((eyeroll)))

Anyway, I'm hoping for stickyvibes and a sticky little bean

Moody and Weepy and Backaches oh my!

I never understand why my symptoms seem to come and go. Yesterday my backache was KILLER. Today this morning still pretty bad, but then for most of the day didn't notice it. Now the pain is starting to come back a little.

This morning woke with cramps...those are also now coming back dully. Sometimes I wonder if it's mostly psychosomatic. Because when I start talking about my symptoms, they start getting worse.

This one is really weird, and I don't know if anyone has ever had it, but my neck hurts...like my glands are hurting that are in there. I wonder if I should look into the lymphatic reaction to progesterone and the 2ww.  2 cycles ago I felt the glands above my breasts burning....like the milk production was getting cleaned out after years of being turned off.

Right now, I don't know if I'm pregnant. If someone were to ask for either yes or no, I'd say no. Mostly because the symptoms don't seem altogether unique for my usual 2ww. I have read some women's posts where only one or two symptoms seem to change, while others seem to have radically different symptoms during their tww before pregnancy. I might review the thread on The Mommy Playbook where women post the symptoms they had just before their BFP.

I guess we'll see. I got very weepy today, mostly because DH and I fought. But I think I cried more than I usually would.

I just wish I would stop waking early! Inevitably I end up waking just under 3 hours before I usually temp. Today, however, I was soooo tired from yesterday that I slept in.

Fun at Alki Beach

Yesterday, DH and I decided to go visit Alki Beach in West Seattle. They had the start of SeaFair there in the form of a Pirate Festival on the beach. We got there at the end of the festival so there were only a few booths selling trinkets and stuff.

The beach and view were beautiful...unfortunately forgot to take pictures, I am sooo not a shutterbug! Driving in we could see the Seattle skyline across the water. UW was having their polevaulting team performing on the beach. That was interesting, but most of the ones we saw were not very good.

We walked up and down looking at all of the beautiful homes in the area...I think we may have walked a mile or two! It was sunny and hot but then we drove down to Salty's, which is a fine dining restaurant on the water. Beautiful view here too! I really enjoyed my food, but DH seems to think the only flavorful seafood is Cajun style. I really LOVE Cajun food growing up on the border of Texas and Louisiana, but I do think there are other good ways to do fish. My pea risotto could have used more salt, but they had tater tots tossed in truffle oil! OMG, they were the best tater tots I have ever had!

Yum.

Poor DH though, I think all the sun and walking was too much for him. We came home and saw two movies and by the time we got home he had a killer headache. So spending the day at home right now.

I'm a masochist

I think any woman TTC will totally understand what I mean. During the 2ww we welcome sore, swollen bb, backaches, etc. because it *might* be because we're pregnant. I even press my nips or sides of my bbs to see how much it hurts, does it hurt worse than the day before. I feel blegh, but part of it makes me hopeful.  I even get worried when something stops hurting.  I'm only 4 DPO!

Also, starting to pee a LOT more. And I feel hungry allll the time. I went to eat Thai food, and I had my WHOLE plate and an hour or two later I was sooo hungry!

But, although I'm slightly hopeful I feel more hopeless. I've seen all of these symptoms before (and more!) and nothing. I just don't know which will be the magic cocktail that means I'm pregnant!

Impatiently waiting....I just hope that my LP is at least longer than 9 days.

Ovulation achieved!

So, yesterday I had my second Peak reading on my CBEFM. Usually that means that yesterday, CD17 was my Ovulation day and that today I would get a High reading on my monitor (which I did!). Also, as hoped for I got a great temp rise (3/10 of a degree or so). Let's hope it keeps going UP!

I often go to Countdown to Pregnancy - My Two Week Wait Symptoms to enter my symptoms. I love going here. It has so many symptoms you can record during your tww. It almost makes waiting to test bearable.

Now the wait begins....

Peak Reading Day!

Woohoo! Last night I had this nearly positive OPK

It's so close, I can't be sure it wasn't positive. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to take another later that day.  So I just knew when I got up this morning I would see this....

FIRST PEAK READING!!

So, on this Independence Day I set freedom to an egg to travel down the Fallopian tubes and search out a good sperm!

The Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor was stressing me though, because you're supposed to wait no more than 15 seconds after wetting the test stick to put it in. Well it was giving me the "Clean Me!" symbol. So I quickly swabbed it with a q-tip, reinserted the stick, and it still wanted to be cleaned! So I wet the q-tip, and this time when I inserted it it started to read. Phew!

As far as BD....we didn't get it done yesterday because we left for Tacoma at 4PM and we didn't get home till 12:30AM :(  We did have a great time with his nieces. We babysat them while his sister and her husband went out for an anniversary dinner. We took the girls to Old Spaghetti Factory. I had an Orange Italian Soda (I'm obsessed with Orange Cream Soda lately), but my entree wasn't so great. The girls are adorable, about 12, 8, and 5 (I think). Then we took them home and played Wii Rock Guitar and the oldest showed me her report on Ohio.

When his sister came home, they tried to convince us for about 10 minutes to stay the night. Normally, I would've tried to convince DH to stay too, but I was thinking that if tonight was shot as far as BD, he'd NEVER want to BD at his sister's and who knows if he'd want to when we got home! So I kept quiet. Then we sat around mostly telling jokes to each other for about 30 minutes...I think they were hoping if they kept us late enough we'd agree to stay. But we went home anyway.

So, either today or tomorrow I should O and then see a temp jump. Then the tww begins! I'll definitely keep you posted...

High Fertility Day!

So, I've been using my Clearblue Easy Monitor and so far had nothing but Low. Today I got my first High reading! And also, I think I have genuine EWCM! It was clear, slippery and stretched at least 1 inch. I wonder if O is around the corner? I sure hope so.
   I got a reasonably dark OPK, but I did the test around 7:45PM. I'm excited and hopeful that I'll have a reasonable length cycle (like under 42 days) and will hopefully O again. If that is the case the CBEFM will definitely help with this. I just need to get another box of test sticks for the next cycle.
   My temps are a little on the high side for pre-O, but still below 98 so that is good. My back started to ache again last night, but almost in a different way and I can't figure out why.
   We went to see The Last Airbender last night, and although I was really excited to see it, I just couldn't keep my eyes open through it. I had to fight sleep off but at the very end I gave in.  It wasn't that bad of a movie, I was just so tired. And I'm not sure why. I think it has a lot to do with a recent med change my doctor made. He wants me to take some meds during lunch, and I haven't done that in soooo long so I forget often. Hopefully I can start to remember next week because I think it is affecting more than my energy. My mood seems to be slightly less stable too, but I'm using coping skills to manage :D