So, you may have noticed I have been MIA lately. I am spending Christmas in Texas with mine and DH's family. I want to move back now! It is agonizing to have to wait another 18 months. Le sigh.
Well, I'm definitely enjoying my "recharge" I get when I visit. I just feel so much more AT HOME when I am here compared to WA. I am definitely more stressed and much less relaxed in WA.
So, Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukuh, andHappy 2011 to you all! See you next year!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Friday, December 10, 2010
Positive Word Challenge Day 3--Trying or Preventing?
Sooooo, last time we BD I was intent on protection...and trying out new methods of barrier protection. This time tried the Sponge...so-so. So far the best I've tried, but still have some others I might look into.
Well....today I had a HUGE dip in my chart. And I'm right around the time that I could be O'ing. I thought my CM was sticky, but noticed the circular pattern in my underwear and changed it to watery. And DH has been wanting to BD. So, when I came home tonight I *might* have DTD without using protection. Ooops!
I doubt I'll actually become pregnant. The one cycle I did achieve pregnancy, I used Mucinex and had picture perfect EWCM. This CM is a combo of sticky/watery. Less likely to help the sperm reach the desired destination.
Well, fingers-crossed. Who knows, maybe I'll get a Christmas Miracle?
Well....today I had a HUGE dip in my chart. And I'm right around the time that I could be O'ing. I thought my CM was sticky, but noticed the circular pattern in my underwear and changed it to watery. And DH has been wanting to BD. So, when I came home tonight I *might* have DTD without using protection. Ooops!
I doubt I'll actually become pregnant. The one cycle I did achieve pregnancy, I used Mucinex and had picture perfect EWCM. This CM is a combo of sticky/watery. Less likely to help the sperm reach the desired destination.
Well, fingers-crossed. Who knows, maybe I'll get a Christmas Miracle?
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Positive Word Challenge Day 2--Gall Bladder/GI issues
So to add to the continuous onset of disease after disease I have developed over the last two months some GastroIntestinal issues. I suspect gall bladder because most of the women on my Mom's side of the family (including my Mom) have had their gall bladder removed. Essentially I have almost no appetite because whenever I eat I get nauseous and have severe diarrhea about 2 hours later.
I have been looking for a new PCP for awhile, but kept post-poning because I would forget at work to call for an appointment. I found a new clinic that has all of the amenities I like plus a walk-in clinic. So, yesterday I called in sick (I was SO tired from waking up every hour and restless sleep) and went to the clinic for an appointment.
I saw a doctor who FINALLY listened to my concerns and instead of giving me all of the reasons to decline further tests/treatments, he said "I think these are the tests you need to have, what do you want to do?" My other doctors seemed to minimize my pain and made me think they had the opinion I was a hypochondriac.
As soon as I can I want to transfer care over to the new doctor. Let's call him Dr. Empathy. I just need to call my insurance and find out what if anything needs to be done.
I will keep you posted. I expect to hear from Dr. Empathy in about 1-2 days (most likely 2). There's a chance it could be gall bladder. If that is the case, most likely I'll need surgery, which I'm sure will delay my TTC some more. Maybe Cheri22's prediction will come true. In that case I might not get pregnant until June 2011! Ah well.
I have been looking for a new PCP for awhile, but kept post-poning because I would forget at work to call for an appointment. I found a new clinic that has all of the amenities I like plus a walk-in clinic. So, yesterday I called in sick (I was SO tired from waking up every hour and restless sleep) and went to the clinic for an appointment.
I saw a doctor who FINALLY listened to my concerns and instead of giving me all of the reasons to decline further tests/treatments, he said "I think these are the tests you need to have, what do you want to do?" My other doctors seemed to minimize my pain and made me think they had the opinion I was a hypochondriac.
As soon as I can I want to transfer care over to the new doctor. Let's call him Dr. Empathy. I just need to call my insurance and find out what if anything needs to be done.
I will keep you posted. I expect to hear from Dr. Empathy in about 1-2 days (most likely 2). There's a chance it could be gall bladder. If that is the case, most likely I'll need surgery, which I'm sure will delay my TTC some more. Maybe Cheri22's prediction will come true. In that case I might not get pregnant until June 2011! Ah well.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
1st Positive Word Challenge Post--AF arrived
Of course the day I post my positive word challenge I forget to post. For three days. Ah well. This is why each of the next 30 posts will start with the above title. "Nth Positive Word Challenge Post" until we reach 30th.
So, Thursday morning, around 1AM....still awake watching a movie with SIL and her husband. Cramps began really strong. I had been spotting for 5 or more days. This time go to the bathroom and FULL flow. My cramps were so bad I was nauseous and after the movie was over I broke down in tears.
DH was sooo sweet. I asked for a heating pad, but SIL was without one. So he offered to "massage" until the pain was gone. I was a bit skeptical, but his hands were as warm as a heating pad! That felt a little better.
The strange thing is that when I have the 5 days of spotting before full flow, my actual period flow looks like this: Heavy --> Light --> Light --> Spotting. Sometimes there is a Medium instead of the Light . But this was how my flow went this time. I actually thought I was on a spotting day today but went to pee and lots on the TP. So to be safe I put in a pad.
Well, enough yucky period talk. I had such positive pregnancy symptoms this cycle it caused me to hope against hope despite my BD schedule lacking. I had these Extra-Sensitive (10 mIU) HPTs that I was using. I kept getting one line each day. I had more success with SMU as you will see in this 11 DPO pic and invert:
I am pretty sure they're evaps. But they give hope, and it's horrible. This was my concern with the 10 mIU tests, that they would lead to more evaps. I kept telling myself to accept a DEFINITE line as a positive and to ignore the evaps. I am out of tests because I started POAS at 7DPO. That is insanely early!!
I have ONE FRER, but I can hold out on that one until just before my period. So, my goal is to avoid buying any HPTs until O is confirmed (at 3DPO or so). Early-pregnancy-tests.com has a very quick delivery, so if I order around 5-6 DPO, then the tests will arrive around 10-12 DPO.
The hard part is this: I am a POAS-aholic (Peeing-on-a-Stick). I worry that my need to POAS will be so great that I will run out and buy any test I can get my hands on (even evil blue-dye!). I am hopeful that not having any peesticks in the house will keep me from this.
Hopefully.
So, Thursday morning, around 1AM....still awake watching a movie with SIL and her husband. Cramps began really strong. I had been spotting for 5 or more days. This time go to the bathroom and FULL flow. My cramps were so bad I was nauseous and after the movie was over I broke down in tears.
DH was sooo sweet. I asked for a heating pad, but SIL was without one. So he offered to "massage" until the pain was gone. I was a bit skeptical, but his hands were as warm as a heating pad! That felt a little better.
The strange thing is that when I have the 5 days of spotting before full flow, my actual period flow looks like this: Heavy --> Light --> Light --> Spotting. Sometimes there is a Medium instead of the Light . But this was how my flow went this time. I actually thought I was on a spotting day today but went to pee and lots on the TP. So to be safe I put in a pad.
Well, enough yucky period talk. I had such positive pregnancy symptoms this cycle it caused me to hope against hope despite my BD schedule lacking. I had these Extra-Sensitive (10 mIU) HPTs that I was using. I kept getting one line each day. I had more success with SMU as you will see in this 11 DPO pic and invert:
I am pretty sure they're evaps. But they give hope, and it's horrible. This was my concern with the 10 mIU tests, that they would lead to more evaps. I kept telling myself to accept a DEFINITE line as a positive and to ignore the evaps. I am out of tests because I started POAS at 7DPO. That is insanely early!!
I have ONE FRER, but I can hold out on that one until just before my period. So, my goal is to avoid buying any HPTs until O is confirmed (at 3DPO or so). Early-pregnancy-tests.com has a very quick delivery, so if I order around 5-6 DPO, then the tests will arrive around 10-12 DPO.
The hard part is this: I am a POAS-aholic (Peeing-on-a-Stick). I worry that my need to POAS will be so great that I will run out and buy any test I can get my hands on (even evil blue-dye!). I am hopeful that not having any peesticks in the house will keep me from this.
Hopefully.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
30 day Positive Thinking Challenge!!
So, I've pretty much created this challenge for myself. I am a mental health therapist, and day in and day out I work with people that have severely negative self-images. The worst part is they don't realize it and they believe the negative opinions they have of themselves are truly who they are. This makes it nearly impossible for them to effect the change they wish because they are rooted in the belief that they can achieve nothing, are worthless and no one loves them.
So, I started noticing that I have a lot of negative self-talk myself. In discussion with a co-worker on sending out subconscious thoughts he postulated that our subconscious is only attuned to positive words and phrases and if we send out a negatively phrased desire "No pager calls" then our subconscious drops the No and delivers what we don't want "Pager calls".
So, For the next 30 days I will attempt to post some sort of status update daily, even if I have nothing of substance to post. Although there are many ways to hedge phrases and words that have negative values, to make this simple, I am avoiding the use of words that specify the negative and here's a list for you.
***ADDED THREE NEW WORDS BEFORE n't***
So, I started noticing that I have a lot of negative self-talk myself. In discussion with a co-worker on sending out subconscious thoughts he postulated that our subconscious is only attuned to positive words and phrases and if we send out a negatively phrased desire "No pager calls" then our subconscious drops the No and delivers what we don't want "Pager calls".
So, For the next 30 days I will attempt to post some sort of status update daily, even if I have nothing of substance to post. Although there are many ways to hedge phrases and words that have negative values, to make this simple, I am avoiding the use of words that specify the negative and here's a list for you.
- No
- Not
- Never
- None
- Nothing
- Nowhere
- Neither
- Nobody
- No one
- Hardly
- Scarcely
- Barely
- Should
- Always
- Usually
- Only
- n't (don't, won't, couldn't, etc)
So, from now on, instead of saying "I don't want to go to the movies" I will say instead "I want to stay home" "I want to go to a friend's house" etc. This may even help me challenge my indecisiveness as to state something in the positive such as in the example I must have a firm idea of what I want. It's so easy to decline something because then you are not required to offer an alternative.
So, dear readers, please keep me accountable. If you see me post a negative word listed above, shout it out in the comments!!! The first to catch me at it will receive a Babydust temporary tattoo! Hee hee. And the challenge will begin with my next post.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Mac is back!!!! and other TTC related stuff.
Hip, hip, hooray! I have my Macbook Pro back and the screen is be-yoo-tee-ful!! I can hardly stop looking at it...it's so clear. And readable. And I can see EVERYTHING!!!!!! Yippeee!!!
Ok, so now that this is done, update on my cycle. BFN, BFN, BFN. This is why you don't start testing before 9 DPO Melissa!!!! Even super sensitive 10 mIU brand is failing me. And POASing is so addicting, it is almost as if every BFN increases the desire to test again. One day I test THREE times that day! It's madness! I had nothing to go on either. Just silly suspicion.
Here is the thing. A few days ago I was getting SO tired. Without any obvious reason. Such as lack of sleep, or staying up til 4AM. Nothing that should have affected me that greatly. So from about 6-9DPO I would get so tired every evening. Especially when I worked, but even over last weekend. Things were tasting funny (I had a lemon bar that tasted "chemically" even though it was the same recipe my friend had also used).
Now I am much more energetic and combined with my lack of BFP it is making me feel more defeated. Although lately anything with tomato sauce tastes REALLY acidic (more than usual).
Oh, and I can't recall if I updated on my ECHO. My doctor left a message last Friday (2 Fridays after the 2nd ECHO) saying first that there had been no change since the last one, see you in a year. Then he obviously reviewed my notes and called back explaining why the second ECHO had been done and that because there had been no decrease in function this was good, but we still need to address the current lower functioning.
I panicked because he was very vague saying we needed to address it in the next few MONTHS. He called Monday and I got a chance to discuss it with him. He explained it was something about the pressure the ventricle made on the left side that was too low. Every year I go to these appointments and they're fine, but ultimately they're looking for changes to see if I need surgery to repair or replace my valve. I was fearful that he was going to tell me this was happening.
I was so relieved that he said this is something that could be fixed with medication. I need to set up an appointment with him in January and we'll discuss what meds are needed and what will be safe for pregnancy.
I guess we'll see!
Ok, so now that this is done, update on my cycle. BFN, BFN, BFN. This is why you don't start testing before 9 DPO Melissa!!!! Even super sensitive 10 mIU brand is failing me. And POASing is so addicting, it is almost as if every BFN increases the desire to test again. One day I test THREE times that day! It's madness! I had nothing to go on either. Just silly suspicion.
Here is the thing. A few days ago I was getting SO tired. Without any obvious reason. Such as lack of sleep, or staying up til 4AM. Nothing that should have affected me that greatly. So from about 6-9DPO I would get so tired every evening. Especially when I worked, but even over last weekend. Things were tasting funny (I had a lemon bar that tasted "chemically" even though it was the same recipe my friend had also used).
Now I am much more energetic and combined with my lack of BFP it is making me feel more defeated. Although lately anything with tomato sauce tastes REALLY acidic (more than usual).
Oh, and I can't recall if I updated on my ECHO. My doctor left a message last Friday (2 Fridays after the 2nd ECHO) saying first that there had been no change since the last one, see you in a year. Then he obviously reviewed my notes and called back explaining why the second ECHO had been done and that because there had been no decrease in function this was good, but we still need to address the current lower functioning.
I panicked because he was very vague saying we needed to address it in the next few MONTHS. He called Monday and I got a chance to discuss it with him. He explained it was something about the pressure the ventricle made on the left side that was too low. Every year I go to these appointments and they're fine, but ultimately they're looking for changes to see if I need surgery to repair or replace my valve. I was fearful that he was going to tell me this was happening.
I was so relieved that he said this is something that could be fixed with medication. I need to set up an appointment with him in January and we'll discuss what meds are needed and what will be safe for pregnancy.
I guess we'll see!
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Things that make you go hmmmm...
So. Sorry faithful readers for my lack of posting. My Mac is in the shop FINALLY getting its screen fixed so I haven't have had much opportunity to update. Well, I'm definitely in the TWW. I'm about 8 DPO and since maybe Fri (5DPO) I've been getting increasingly fatigued. Since yesterday especially I've been so tired by afternoon I'm yawning all of the time. Since I have these 10 mIU HPTs I have bought at www.early-pregnancy-tests.com I am testing everyday from now until either BFP or AF I guess.
So far BFNs, but if my suspicions are right, I thought it would be nice to test and see just how much earlier these might show a BFP. God-willing that is what this is. If not I'll have to see the doctor for sure if this tiredness doesn't go away.
So far BFNs, but if my suspicions are right, I thought it would be nice to test and see just how much earlier these might show a BFP. God-willing that is what this is. If not I'll have to see the doctor for sure if this tiredness doesn't go away.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
O date changed
Well, since my "false O" my temps have been around my pre-O temps. I had an OPK on CD15 that was so close to being positive, but I was unable to test the next three days so I'm not sure if I O'd or not. My temps have jumped a little but dropped again today. But since Thursday my nips have been painful to the touch, in addition to sore sides. And today the nips hurt even w/o touching them. Which leads me to think I have already O'd.
My Clearblue Easy Monitor
is no help at all. It keeps reporting low. But, if I enter raised temps for the next three days it says today is O day. Which would match my CP and CM...I think I'm going to jump DH tonight and quit waiting!
My Clearblue Easy Monitor
is no help at all. It keeps reporting low. But, if I enter raised temps for the next three days it says today is O day. Which would match my CP and CM...I think I'm going to jump DH tonight and quit waiting!
Monday, November 8, 2010
Early O....or not?
So this morning I awaken to a freezing bedroom and of course my temp drops way below coverline. Meaning my dubious CH were taken away. HOWEVER, I remembered today that I have a classic fallback rise that usually occurs around 4DPO. To illustrate, I created an overlay of my 3 previous charts pinned at their respective O date. I also pinned this cycle at it's potential O date.
Voila! As you can see here, if this cycle is pinned at potential O date of CD 9 then today's lowered temp is simply my regular fallback rise...most likely. I did testing in FF...if my temps go back above the "coverline" of 98.1 F then most likely my CH will return with O date back on CD9.
Got to go to work, and then my ECHO today. I'll update if I can, but I don't expect to talk with my doc until maybe tomorrow.
Voila! As you can see here, if this cycle is pinned at potential O date of CD 9 then today's lowered temp is simply my regular fallback rise...most likely. I did testing in FF...if my temps go back above the "coverline" of 98.1 F then most likely my CH will return with O date back on CD9.
Got to go to work, and then my ECHO today. I'll update if I can, but I don't expect to talk with my doc until maybe tomorrow.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
This time REALLY early O! (WTH!)
So, if you saw my last post it commented on some strangely high pre-O temps and the possibility of having O'd (already!). Well, today's temp after genuine 7 hours sleep, no waking before temping was at 98.3. Apparently this was high enough for FF to select O at CD9. CD9!!!!!! That's a full 10 days before I expected to usually O and at least 4 days before my last O.
I guess it doesn't really make a difference. I should be glad I'm ovulating, y'know? I guess my problem is that I want to know "Why?". I think I sought to start charting for control of my cycles. Now I realize that was a myth. Charting is useful, but it still can't help me change when and how I ovulate. I can look at patterns and take some vitamins that may address a certain deficiency, but real change isn't possible. It's take what you get and hope you can read the signs well enough for your goal.
I have to say this is especially frustrating as I am trying to avoid (barely) until after my ECHO, possibly until January. I'm not so practiced at preventing. I thought I was okay because I never thought I'd have O on CD9!!
But, although we did BD on CD5 I think the state of my CM around then was too pitiful to allow the sperm to survive 4 days to wait for the egg. I know it can happen, but I don't have confidence that it will. Plus I haven't had my ECHO yet (tomorrow!) so I only hope that the results aren't bad...for various reasons, but also because I'd like to start trying again.
I guess we shall see....
I guess it doesn't really make a difference. I should be glad I'm ovulating, y'know? I guess my problem is that I want to know "Why?". I think I sought to start charting for control of my cycles. Now I realize that was a myth. Charting is useful, but it still can't help me change when and how I ovulate. I can look at patterns and take some vitamins that may address a certain deficiency, but real change isn't possible. It's take what you get and hope you can read the signs well enough for your goal.
I have to say this is especially frustrating as I am trying to avoid (barely) until after my ECHO, possibly until January. I'm not so practiced at preventing. I thought I was okay because I never thought I'd have O on CD9!!
But, although we did BD on CD5 I think the state of my CM around then was too pitiful to allow the sperm to survive 4 days to wait for the egg. I know it can happen, but I don't have confidence that it will. Plus I haven't had my ECHO yet (tomorrow!) so I only hope that the results aren't bad...for various reasons, but also because I'd like to start trying again.
I guess we shall see....
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Strange chart
So, I'm trying SO hard to stay off of the computer. I at least have to get on to update my charts at Fertility Friend and Countdown to Pregnancy.
I have noticed this cycle more than last my pre-O temps are super high. Other than one or three that are in regular pre-O range the rest are 98.0 and above. The last 2 temps I had to temp adjust because my urge to pee in the morning has been so strong. I don't really think I have changed much my drinking habits at night.
Also, I've had a super high sense of smell the last two days. It is something I usually get around O, but I haven't had other classic O symptoms. I have been trying to assess my CM, but it seems at most Creamy---one day it seemed watery, but I downgraded it. Also, the most fertile my CP got was MM-. Still not quite there.
Yet, I did a little advance experimentation with FF. I entered two more temps at about the same temp I am now (98.2) and FF gave me dotted CH on CD9! That would be a SUPER early O, plus I would have one day of unprotected intercourse around 4 days before O. Not great odds, but possible. I don't really think that I O'd then, but I have to wonder.
The last recorded OPKs were around CD4 and CD5 (BD on CD5). Those so far were the closest to positive as I had a medium darkish line, but still nowhere near positive. The last two days my OPKs have been completely and utterly BFN---there was no line whatsoever. Also, I've learned to slightly interpret my CBEFM sticks and those were really negative. The estrogen is super high and the LH is almost non-existent. Going by that, I'd say I haven't O'd at all, and could be another week or so away from it.
Time will tell. If I JUST look at my PMS symptoms (sore side bb, backache, higher sense of smell, etc) I would say I have just O'd. But NONE of my other fertility signs (except possibly BBT?) agree with it.
Sometimes I really hate charting.
I have noticed this cycle more than last my pre-O temps are super high. Other than one or three that are in regular pre-O range the rest are 98.0 and above. The last 2 temps I had to temp adjust because my urge to pee in the morning has been so strong. I don't really think I have changed much my drinking habits at night.
Also, I've had a super high sense of smell the last two days. It is something I usually get around O, but I haven't had other classic O symptoms. I have been trying to assess my CM, but it seems at most Creamy---one day it seemed watery, but I downgraded it. Also, the most fertile my CP got was MM-. Still not quite there.
Yet, I did a little advance experimentation with FF. I entered two more temps at about the same temp I am now (98.2) and FF gave me dotted CH on CD9! That would be a SUPER early O, plus I would have one day of unprotected intercourse around 4 days before O. Not great odds, but possible. I don't really think that I O'd then, but I have to wonder.
The last recorded OPKs were around CD4 and CD5 (BD on CD5). Those so far were the closest to positive as I had a medium darkish line, but still nowhere near positive. The last two days my OPKs have been completely and utterly BFN---there was no line whatsoever. Also, I've learned to slightly interpret my CBEFM sticks and those were really negative. The estrogen is super high and the LH is almost non-existent. Going by that, I'd say I haven't O'd at all, and could be another week or so away from it.
Time will tell. If I JUST look at my PMS symptoms (sore side bb, backache, higher sense of smell, etc) I would say I have just O'd. But NONE of my other fertility signs (except possibly BBT?) agree with it.
Sometimes I really hate charting.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Taking a small break....
This is just to let my few faithful readers know that my wrist overuse is flaring up, in part because of my lack of keeping up with exercises and largely because I am addicted to being on the computer.
So, I know the best thing now is for me to get off until they stop hurting all the time....because they are now even off of the computer. Gonna buckle down, do some exercises, etc.
I'll definitely try to make some big updates, I expect at least not until Nov 8th when I get my ECHO and after I talk with my doc (who know when that will be?). I might try to do at least one post a week. I know I'm a bit of an irregular poster anyhow, but I figure since I KNOW I'll be gone for awhile then I might just let people know what to expect.
Thank you to all my faithful readers....maybe if I can figure out how to upload voice memos I could update that way??
So, I know the best thing now is for me to get off until they stop hurting all the time....because they are now even off of the computer. Gonna buckle down, do some exercises, etc.
I'll definitely try to make some big updates, I expect at least not until Nov 8th when I get my ECHO and after I talk with my doc (who know when that will be?). I might try to do at least one post a week. I know I'm a bit of an irregular poster anyhow, but I figure since I KNOW I'll be gone for awhile then I might just let people know what to expect.
Thank you to all my faithful readers....maybe if I can figure out how to upload voice memos I could update that way??
Thursday, October 28, 2010
E for Encouragement!!
So today's post is more of a general, "hey, look what I found!" than a specific TTC post. Although, I do know that all of us TTCing (especially us LTTCers) could use some encouragement!!
Actually, many of you many not know that I am a social worker, specifically with a Masters and that I now am working as a therapist in a community mental health agency. I'm very lucky to be working with a co-worker who has extensive experience in Dialectical Behavior Therapy or DBT as we call it for short. She has been leading a DBT group for some time now and when another of my co-workers left I was honored that she asked me to co-lead with her!
So, I have been co-leading for a few months now. Our sessions are 2 hours long, once per week and last for 8 sessions. There are 4 different "areas" or "topics" that are focused on each cycle. This cycle we're on is that last new one for me to experience and personally, for me one of the most helpful (Emotion Regulation). It really helps me to understand how emotions function and to recognize when they go awry. I already knew much of the information before, but DBT organizes it into one cohesive material.
So, today's class was actually focused on Distress Tolerance (who doesn't need that!) or probably more commonly thought of as stress management, but in DBT the focus is on managing your emotional intensity so it doesn't rise so high that you can't function and achieve your goals, but still be aware of them and how you're being affected, instead of "numbing" yourself or being "mindless." One way this is achieved is by using simple skills to bring down your stress level and in Distress Tolerance this is generally helped by focusing on other things or activities.
Today was a fun day because we had just finished "Self-Soothing" and gave them all a small package of various items to self-soothe with, such as candles, relaxing teas, lotions, and calm music.
Today we learned the IMPROVE skills. IMPROVE is an acronym to help them remember the skills easier when they are away from their books. These skills are useful, but can also seem cliched because parents or caregivers often will tell someone to "imagine a happy place" or "listen to happy music" when a person is down or sad instead of listening to them and validating their feelings.
However, they are still very useful skills and the last one in IMPROVE is Encouragement. Basically, tell yourself things like, "I think I can" "I can take this one step at a time" "I am making a good effort" etc. You can see how it might seem cliched right?
After work I was writing up my notes and listening to my Pandora Radio
on my iPhone
when "The Middle" by Jimmy Eat World
came on. As I started singing along I really listened to the lyrics and realized that this was the PERFECT encouragement song for my clients! See the lyrics below:
I just think it's so uplifting and fitting for, well, everyone, but especially my clients. I love the last verse, especially "Just do your best, do everything you can. And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say"
If you'd like to learn more about DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) find more information at Amazon
Actually, many of you many not know that I am a social worker, specifically with a Masters and that I now am working as a therapist in a community mental health agency. I'm very lucky to be working with a co-worker who has extensive experience in Dialectical Behavior Therapy or DBT as we call it for short. She has been leading a DBT group for some time now and when another of my co-workers left I was honored that she asked me to co-lead with her!
So, I have been co-leading for a few months now. Our sessions are 2 hours long, once per week and last for 8 sessions. There are 4 different "areas" or "topics" that are focused on each cycle. This cycle we're on is that last new one for me to experience and personally, for me one of the most helpful (Emotion Regulation). It really helps me to understand how emotions function and to recognize when they go awry. I already knew much of the information before, but DBT organizes it into one cohesive material.
So, today's class was actually focused on Distress Tolerance (who doesn't need that!) or probably more commonly thought of as stress management, but in DBT the focus is on managing your emotional intensity so it doesn't rise so high that you can't function and achieve your goals, but still be aware of them and how you're being affected, instead of "numbing" yourself or being "mindless." One way this is achieved is by using simple skills to bring down your stress level and in Distress Tolerance this is generally helped by focusing on other things or activities.
Today was a fun day because we had just finished "Self-Soothing" and gave them all a small package of various items to self-soothe with, such as candles, relaxing teas, lotions, and calm music.
Today we learned the IMPROVE skills. IMPROVE is an acronym to help them remember the skills easier when they are away from their books. These skills are useful, but can also seem cliched because parents or caregivers often will tell someone to "imagine a happy place" or "listen to happy music" when a person is down or sad instead of listening to them and validating their feelings.
However, they are still very useful skills and the last one in IMPROVE is Encouragement. Basically, tell yourself things like, "I think I can" "I can take this one step at a time" "I am making a good effort" etc. You can see how it might seem cliched right?
After work I was writing up my notes and listening to my Pandora Radio
on my iPhone when "The Middle" by Jimmy Eat World came on. As I started singing along I really listened to the lyrics and realized that this was the PERFECT encouragement song for my clients! See the lyrics below:Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just try your best, try everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
Hey, you know they're all the same.
You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in.
Live right now.
Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just do your best, do everything you can.
And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
If you'd like to learn more about DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) find more information at Amazon
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
AF has landed!
Well, AF has finally come, after 5 or more days of leaving her calling card. It's kind of nice, I get a bit of a countdown to AF. This time at least her breadcrumbs weren't super big. The spotting still started about 5 days ago but was not very noticeable.
That's relieving. I forgot my night dose of progesterone and wonder if that was one reason AF battered through the front door.
BUT, I nearly didn't go in for work. If I didn't have the on-call pager with me, I probably would've stayed home. I was so NAUSEOUS when I was driving in, but it got better throughout the day. I think the Midol was really what helped.
So, cycle analysis time! Very early O (for me) at CD13....was CD14 but I reported Watery CM around my regular O-time and it shifted back because of that. Overall a pretty chart. My EWCM was weeeeiiird though. It was like sticky, but completely CLEAR! I guess like the feel of rubber cement but super clear. NO cloudiness whatsoever.
Well, I had really weird TWW symptoms. Totally Gassy the whole time. BB pain was strange. Started in armpits and at one point was so painful, almost as much when I was pregnant it made me wonder.
That's the worst part. I must have had nearly ZERO chance of pregnancy, but that didn't stop my brain from wondering hmmmm, what if?
So much that I took 3 of my new 10 mIU pregnancy tests, just cause. That's literally flushing money down the toilet! (but only .98 cents apiece, so not that pricey).
Well, hopefully I'll be able to improve my LPD. I fear though that my particular brand is from poor FSH stimulation in the Follicular phase instead of progesterone deficiency. Time will tell.
That's relieving. I forgot my night dose of progesterone and wonder if that was one reason AF battered through the front door.
BUT, I nearly didn't go in for work. If I didn't have the on-call pager with me, I probably would've stayed home. I was so NAUSEOUS when I was driving in, but it got better throughout the day. I think the Midol was really what helped.
So, cycle analysis time! Very early O (for me) at CD13....was CD14 but I reported Watery CM around my regular O-time and it shifted back because of that. Overall a pretty chart. My EWCM was weeeeiiird though. It was like sticky, but completely CLEAR! I guess like the feel of rubber cement but super clear. NO cloudiness whatsoever.
Well, I had really weird TWW symptoms. Totally Gassy the whole time. BB pain was strange. Started in armpits and at one point was so painful, almost as much when I was pregnant it made me wonder.
That's the worst part. I must have had nearly ZERO chance of pregnancy, but that didn't stop my brain from wondering hmmmm, what if?
So much that I took 3 of my new 10 mIU pregnancy tests, just cause. That's literally flushing money down the toilet! (but only .98 cents apiece, so not that pricey).
Well, hopefully I'll be able to improve my LPD. I fear though that my particular brand is from poor FSH stimulation in the Follicular phase instead of progesterone deficiency. Time will tell.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
FF I loathe you sometimes...
So I wake up this morning and entered a new temp (98.4 at 7:15AM) and today FF decided to change my date AGAIN. I think it is because of the watery CM after O. I have no doubt based on temps that my O was either CD13 or CD14 (now FF moved it back to CD13). Still really early for me, and although I was having fertile CM after O (and around when I normally do) my temps would have to go up to around 99 to shift O to now.
Plus I've been having SUPER PMS since my "O" date of either CD13/14. It is interesting that my TCOYF still thinks I O'd on CD14. I did test it and if I take out the Watery CM on FF CD22 and CD23 it shifts back to CD13. Whatever, either way, my chance of pregnancy is around 10%...sounds like a lot, but most of that is generous. Plus, my BD before O was "protected" with spermicide. Not the most reliable protection but definitely brings chances down.
It just messes up my Countdown to Pregnancy - My Two Week Wait Symptoms because for some reason you can't change the O date unless you delete the cycle. And then I'd have to manually enter all of the signs and symptoms again. Too much work for 8 days or 9 days! Plus if my O date changed again I'd have to do it again! I might have to email them about this issue.
Ah, well, we'll see what the cycle brings. I'm happy to say with the B6 and Progesterone cream that my spotting is soooo light. Not as heavy as last time at all and almost seems non-existent. So, although it started around 6-7DPO it's not bothersome enough to worry me. Definite improvement from last cycle.
Plus I've been having SUPER PMS since my "O" date of either CD13/14. It is interesting that my TCOYF still thinks I O'd on CD14. I did test it and if I take out the Watery CM on FF CD22 and CD23 it shifts back to CD13. Whatever, either way, my chance of pregnancy is around 10%...sounds like a lot, but most of that is generous. Plus, my BD before O was "protected" with spermicide. Not the most reliable protection but definitely brings chances down.
It just messes up my Countdown to Pregnancy - My Two Week Wait Symptoms because for some reason you can't change the O date unless you delete the cycle. And then I'd have to manually enter all of the signs and symptoms again. Too much work for 8 days or 9 days! Plus if my O date changed again I'd have to do it again! I might have to email them about this issue.
Ah, well, we'll see what the cycle brings. I'm happy to say with the B6 and Progesterone cream that my spotting is soooo light. Not as heavy as last time at all and almost seems non-existent. So, although it started around 6-7DPO it's not bothersome enough to worry me. Definite improvement from last cycle.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
This is the house that Estrogen built
First off, when conceiving this post I was originally going to call it "This is the House that Progesterone built" because I assumed that high levels of progesterone were directly linked to PMS symptoms.
Then I decided to do a bit of research. I found a website based on the research of one Dr. John R Lee, who pioneered studies in the 1970's on how natural hormones (bio-identical hormones) affect women's hormonal balances compared to traditional Hormone Replacement Therapy (synthetic hormones or ones from other species). He coined the term "Estrogen Dominance" which he found responsible for many diseases and symptoms, including PMS.
From reading many of the articles on his site I learned that Dr. Lee found progesterone's role in hormonal balance was to help break up excess estrogen. So, estrogen dominance is usually caused by low progesterone.
So, what was I going to write about today? The fact that since day 3 of progesterone cream my PMS has skyrocketed. I've had increased bb tenderness since yesterday (feeling bruised), fatigue and constipation in addition to the gassiness I've had since around O (totally abnormal for me). Today I had the tiniest bit of spotting after work. Super anxiety, but that's more related to what has been going on with me lately.
Again, I assumed that it was a side-effect of using progesterone cream, but my initial research on progesterone symptoms was inconclusive....it seemed that the primary symptoms linked to high progesterone were fatigue and I think water retention but not ALL of the PMS symptoms were mentioned. I kept wanting to remind myself that this could not possibly be pregnancy so, it must just be the progesterone.
I only BD unprotected day after O and although it is included on FF's intercourse analyzer, actual estimated probability of conception on that day alone is nil. It's just included because you can't exclude the possibility. The 1995 study in NEJM by Allen J. Wilcox, M.D., Ph.D., Clarice R. Weinberg, Ph.D., and Donna D. Baird, Ph.D. that analyzed intercourse patterns by days around ovulation gave the day after 12% chance JUST because you can't exclude the probability.
So when I got home I did further research and found the information about estrogen dominance. Apparently Dr. Lee believes the majority of PMS symptoms, especially the mood ones, are caused by either estrogen dominance or deficiency. So do I have that? I dunno. I'd have to get tested to see. But I suspect since I have signs of LPD that I may have the estrogen dominance.
So now I'm attributing the increased symptoms to potential estrogen dominance....at least it's not progesterone.
For more information on Dr. John R Lee's research on hormone balance through natural means check out this book and others on Amazon.
Then I decided to do a bit of research. I found a website based on the research of one Dr. John R Lee, who pioneered studies in the 1970's on how natural hormones (bio-identical hormones) affect women's hormonal balances compared to traditional Hormone Replacement Therapy (synthetic hormones or ones from other species). He coined the term "Estrogen Dominance" which he found responsible for many diseases and symptoms, including PMS.
From reading many of the articles on his site I learned that Dr. Lee found progesterone's role in hormonal balance was to help break up excess estrogen. So, estrogen dominance is usually caused by low progesterone.
So, what was I going to write about today? The fact that since day 3 of progesterone cream my PMS has skyrocketed. I've had increased bb tenderness since yesterday (feeling bruised), fatigue and constipation in addition to the gassiness I've had since around O (totally abnormal for me). Today I had the tiniest bit of spotting after work. Super anxiety, but that's more related to what has been going on with me lately.
Again, I assumed that it was a side-effect of using progesterone cream, but my initial research on progesterone symptoms was inconclusive....it seemed that the primary symptoms linked to high progesterone were fatigue and I think water retention but not ALL of the PMS symptoms were mentioned. I kept wanting to remind myself that this could not possibly be pregnancy so, it must just be the progesterone.
I only BD unprotected day after O and although it is included on FF's intercourse analyzer, actual estimated probability of conception on that day alone is nil. It's just included because you can't exclude the possibility. The 1995 study in NEJM by Allen J. Wilcox, M.D., Ph.D., Clarice R. Weinberg, Ph.D., and Donna D. Baird, Ph.D. that analyzed intercourse patterns by days around ovulation gave the day after 12% chance JUST because you can't exclude the probability.
So when I got home I did further research and found the information about estrogen dominance. Apparently Dr. Lee believes the majority of PMS symptoms, especially the mood ones, are caused by either estrogen dominance or deficiency. So do I have that? I dunno. I'd have to get tested to see. But I suspect since I have signs of LPD that I may have the estrogen dominance.
So now I'm attributing the increased symptoms to potential estrogen dominance....at least it's not progesterone.
For more information on Dr. John R Lee's research on hormone balance through natural means check out this book and others on Amazon.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Interesting Temp Spike
This morning, at 4DPO I had a humongous temp spike! Whoa! See below
Just waiting to see if I spot, when I spot, and how long till AF. ***fingerscrossed*** my LP gets longer, without FIVE days of spotting first!
Either bumping up the B6 to 200mg or adding progesterone will help. Shoot, need to take another dose. I keep forgetting the evening one.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Early O....hmmm
Well, yesterday I noticed I had two high temps and I was wondering if maybe I had already O'd. I entered a fake temp for Sunday and voila! O date on CD13. Then just to be sure I entered another high temp and the O date was changed to CD14. Which is really early for me. I normally don't O until CD19-21. I'm hopeful that *maybe* this is the B6 working? I really don't know if it changes the O date to help lengthen the LP or how it works.
I guess I'll just keep observing this cycle and hope that the LP lengthens. I started using progesterone cream to see if that would help end the spotting.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Urgh....
Had a super stressful week. All this time I thought my chest hurting was bronchitis and then realized I was just SUPER stressed about work.I think I just got over-worried about having to turn in FMLA certification and then some weird misunderstanding with my boss. It's all sorted now, but Monday they're going to announce that we all must have a minimum caseload of 70 clients! I'm so hoping that because I run two groups that I might not have to have THAT many but it will certainly mean my numbers stay up to sixty. I'm trying to figure out a different option.
One of my co-workers is looking in to setting up his own practice. Might not be a bad idea and as long as I have a supervisor I could do it. Might do a little research on that. I thought I had to wait to get a license but apparently not.
One of my co-workers is looking in to setting up his own practice. Might not be a bad idea and as long as I have a supervisor I could do it. Might do a little research on that. I thought I had to wait to get a license but apparently not.
Monday, October 11, 2010
OMG, EXTRA sensitive HPTS!!!!
So, for the longest time I've had this chart of hCG levels of various tests. There was one brand on there by ACON labs that was 10 mIU sensitivity, but the site doesn't seem to sell to the general public. Well, I was researching a post for my forum about HPTs and was visiting www.early-pregnancy-tests.com. And they JUST released their new Extra Sensitive Early HPTs!!!! I'm not even TTCing right now and I bought 20!!!!
If you're wondering why I'm freaking out over 10 mIU or thinking "what's an mIU?" I'll explain. With pregnancy tests (and most of the hormone tests) the lower the mIU (million International Units) the more sensitive the test. Why does this make a difference? Well, after ovulation IF an egg is fertilized it can take anywhere from 3-5 days to travel down the fallopian tubes and into the uterus where implantation occurs. This is generally believed to happen anywhere from 7-10 days past ovulation.
SO, if you've just implanted (say 7DPO) then the amount of hCG in your system will be very low (hCG isn't produced until the egg implants). Most doctors consider a blood level of < 5 mIU of hCG as NOT pregnant. Most early pregnancy tests are around 20-25 mIU (FRER (First Response Early Result) recently revised theirs to SOMETIMES 12-15 mIU). Sometimes if a woman implants early enough or produces a monster amount of hCG quickly a FRER or other early result HPT will POSSIBLY produce a faint BFP around 9-10DPO. Usually women don't see even a faint BFP until 11-12DPO (although a minority will get one earlier).
So, with an early HPT of 10 mIU you could find out earlier and with assurance that your BFP is not an evap.
One negative that I see of this and other early result tests is that if a woman is experiencing a chemical pregnancy (where a fertilized egg implants but within a week or two the pregnancy fails) then they may get the joy of achieving pregnancy but also the pain of a loss. Without early result pregnancy tests, most of these women would probably not have tested because their period might have come before they had a concern to test.
It's a risk we all take. Sometimes the dream of pregnancy has us soaring high to only to crash and burn.
If you're wondering why I'm freaking out over 10 mIU or thinking "what's an mIU?" I'll explain. With pregnancy tests (and most of the hormone tests) the lower the mIU (million International Units) the more sensitive the test. Why does this make a difference? Well, after ovulation IF an egg is fertilized it can take anywhere from 3-5 days to travel down the fallopian tubes and into the uterus where implantation occurs. This is generally believed to happen anywhere from 7-10 days past ovulation.
SO, if you've just implanted (say 7DPO) then the amount of hCG in your system will be very low (hCG isn't produced until the egg implants). Most doctors consider a blood level of < 5 mIU of hCG as NOT pregnant. Most early pregnancy tests are around 20-25 mIU (FRER (First Response Early Result) recently revised theirs to SOMETIMES 12-15 mIU). Sometimes if a woman implants early enough or produces a monster amount of hCG quickly a FRER or other early result HPT will POSSIBLY produce a faint BFP around 9-10DPO. Usually women don't see even a faint BFP until 11-12DPO (although a minority will get one earlier).
So, with an early HPT of 10 mIU you could find out earlier and with assurance that your BFP is not an evap.
One negative that I see of this and other early result tests is that if a woman is experiencing a chemical pregnancy (where a fertilized egg implants but within a week or two the pregnancy fails) then they may get the joy of achieving pregnancy but also the pain of a loss. Without early result pregnancy tests, most of these women would probably not have tested because their period might have come before they had a concern to test.
It's a risk we all take. Sometimes the dream of pregnancy has us soaring high to only to crash and burn.
Nausea and Dizziness...why?
Well, as I've mentioned (several times before) I still have bronchitis. Pain in the you-know-what. Lately it seems that I get sharp stabbing or prickling/burning pains when I breathe and constant dull ache on the lower part of my ribs. My doctor doesn't seem concerned and with 3 doctor's bills waiting to be paid I'm not too anxious to create more unless necessary.
Lately my dizziness is increasing. Lately I've only been dizzy 1 or maybe 2 times a day. Today it was several. When I coughed very hard or got up too fast (duh). It seemed like 6-10 times today that I was so dizzy I had to pause to catch my balance.
I checked and there are several sites that show nausea and dizziness as possible either symptoms or side effects of meds for bronchitis.
I was so confused that I even took a HPT
I knew I shouldn't but, it just had me wondering. I'm such a sucker for pee sticks! Even when I know beyond a shadow of a doubt (ok a little doubt) that there's no way I still succumb to the allure of testing. It's an addiction.
Lately my dizziness is increasing. Lately I've only been dizzy 1 or maybe 2 times a day. Today it was several. When I coughed very hard or got up too fast (duh). It seemed like 6-10 times today that I was so dizzy I had to pause to catch my balance.
I checked and there are several sites that show nausea and dizziness as possible either symptoms or side effects of meds for bronchitis.
I was so confused that I even took a HPT
I knew I shouldn't but, it just had me wondering. I'm such a sucker for pee sticks! Even when I know beyond a shadow of a doubt (ok a little doubt) that there's no way I still succumb to the allure of testing. It's an addiction.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
New goals....waiting longer to TTC.
Well, recently at my psychiatrists I realized that after the last 90 days (m/c, knee sprain, sick with flu, bronchitis) that I am no longer as emotionally stable as when I started the summer.
So, I realize that in addition to making sure my heart is in the right condition for pregnancy, I'm going to re-assess my mental health each month to see if I'm prepared for it.
Also, I'm excited about the prospect of losing weight. I think this will help me get my heart in the best condition possible as well. So, whenever I get healthy again (no longer sick with cold/bronchitis) I'm going to start using my Wii Fit, starting at least twice per week.
You might see my Weight loss ticker above with my charts...here it is
Oh, and today, another kick in the pants. I started realizing I was having a pain in my lungs when breathing last night. And I've been using the inhaler the hospital gave me more often. SO, went to my PCP (managed to snag an early morning appt) and now I have a cold.
Grreeeeeeeaaaaaat
I get it God! No baby-making right now! The baby factory is closed for repairs until further notice!
So, I realize that in addition to making sure my heart is in the right condition for pregnancy, I'm going to re-assess my mental health each month to see if I'm prepared for it.
Also, I'm excited about the prospect of losing weight. I think this will help me get my heart in the best condition possible as well. So, whenever I get healthy again (no longer sick with cold/bronchitis) I'm going to start using my Wii Fit, starting at least twice per week.
You might see my Weight loss ticker above with my charts...here it is
As you can see I'm currently at 8 lbs lost. I re-made the goals a few weeks ago. Also, I'm using a newish product called Sensa
The way it works is you sprinkle it on your food (salty for your main dishes or savory foods, sweet for desserts, muffins, etc) and then when you smell it (has no smell really) it triggers a reaction in your brain that tells you you're full. I end up eating much less on Sensa and feeling satisfied. I feel like it's training to let me know what my full signals are like.
Oh, and today, another kick in the pants. I started realizing I was having a pain in my lungs when breathing last night. And I've been using the inhaler the hospital gave me more often. SO, went to my PCP (managed to snag an early morning appt) and now I have a cold.
Grreeeeeeeaaaaaat
I get it God! No baby-making right now! The baby factory is closed for repairs until further notice!
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Newest Prenatal--Stuart Prenatal Vitamin
So, I ran out of Prenatals while I was sick. Because I really didn't feel like going anywhere and I wanted to give myself a chance to recover, I wasn't really going out to GNC to get some. Plus I had a coupon for Stuart Prenatals
When I was researching prenatals when I first was TTC, these were the ones that seemed most recommended. Full price, they're around 30 bucks, so pretty pricey, but let me say they're worth it! You can find cheaper ones on eBay, etc, but expect the expiry date to have passed or be within a few months. Most brand new ones I think have at least
1 year. Since I was trying them out for the first time and I'm still just TTCing, not yet preggers, I thought I'd go for ones that expired this Sept.
So far, I have to say I love them, if JUST for the fact that the pill is a decent, swallowable size, AND I only need ONE per day. Unlike my GNC where I had to take two huge honking horsepills each day.
I know many women get nauseous from vitamins. I'm usually not one of those, but generally I do eat when I take them. I don't know if I can honestly assess Stuart Prenatals
nauseousness factor because I've been already a bit nauseated the last few days (cramps???). I only started taking them yesterday.
So far though, A++. Also, although you may pay 30 bucks a pop for a bottle, there are 100 tablets each bottle, and you only take one per day. SO, really you're paying for about 3 months worth of prenatals...which averages out to 10 bucks a month. Not bad really!
When I was researching prenatals when I first was TTC, these were the ones that seemed most recommended. Full price, they're around 30 bucks, so pretty pricey, but let me say they're worth it! You can find cheaper ones on eBay, etc, but expect the expiry date to have passed or be within a few months. Most brand new ones I think have at least
1 year. Since I was trying them out for the first time and I'm still just TTCing, not yet preggers, I thought I'd go for ones that expired this Sept.So far, I have to say I love them, if JUST for the fact that the pill is a decent, swallowable size, AND I only need ONE per day. Unlike my GNC where I had to take two huge honking horsepills each day.
I know many women get nauseous from vitamins. I'm usually not one of those, but generally I do eat when I take them. I don't know if I can honestly assess Stuart Prenatals
nauseousness factor because I've been already a bit nauseated the last few days (cramps???). I only started taking them yesterday.So far though, A++. Also, although you may pay 30 bucks a pop for a bottle, there are 100 tablets each bottle, and you only take one per day. SO, really you're paying for about 3 months worth of prenatals...which averages out to 10 bucks a month. Not bad really!
Finally! CD1 is here!
Whew! Woke up this morning to full flow! After 5 freaking days of SPOTTING!!! Arrrrrrggggh! I HATE LPD! Well, someone on TMP suggested seeing my doctor. I may have to do that in the next month or so. I just wish my OB had appts on Sat or after work like my PCP can.
That just inspired me to make one. I set it for November 1st---the week before my ECHO. Because I think regardless of whether my Cardiologist suggests WTTC even after ECHO, making sure my cycles are set is most important. Also, I'm freaking sick of 5 days worth of spotting. Plus, not entirely sure AF would've started full force today, but we DTD lastnight/this am. (shrugs)
Well, I also think I'm going to increase my B6 to 200mg...hopefully that will help. That's supposed to be the max. Perhaps I should split some and only take 150mg. I also think that at some point this cycle I stopped taking the B6....when I was sick I felt "what's the point?" and didn't take ANY meds.
Well, we'll see! At least I FINALLY started this cycle. Here's the funny part, if my cycle is about the same amount of days, I'm likely to get AF the weekend before or on the date of my ECHO!
That just inspired me to make one. I set it for November 1st---the week before my ECHO. Because I think regardless of whether my Cardiologist suggests WTTC even after ECHO, making sure my cycles are set is most important. Also, I'm freaking sick of 5 days worth of spotting. Plus, not entirely sure AF would've started full force today, but we DTD lastnight/this am. (shrugs)
Well, I also think I'm going to increase my B6 to 200mg...hopefully that will help. That's supposed to be the max. Perhaps I should split some and only take 150mg. I also think that at some point this cycle I stopped taking the B6....when I was sick I felt "what's the point?" and didn't take ANY meds.
Well, we'll see! At least I FINALLY started this cycle. Here's the funny part, if my cycle is about the same amount of days, I'm likely to get AF the weekend before or on the date of my ECHO!
Monday, September 27, 2010
Holy Temp Spike Batman!
So if you look at my charts above, you'll see that for two days in a row I've had my temp jump .3 degrees for a total of .6 from 4DPO!!. I was shocked when I saw the temp this morning, 98.9! Other than being close to fever, I haven't had a temp that high, even post-O. Although I technically still have bronchitis, I don't think I am feverish. It was a little warm in the bedroom last night and we sleep with a down cover year round. So ((shrugs)) I dunno, it may go down tomorrow.
Another thing I noticed is that I seem to have a temp dip at 4DPO. This chart, my last chart it was at 4DPO and my m/c chart was at 3DPO.
Lately I've had some vivid dreams. This morning I was half-awake, but dreaming that this old lady (who was supposed to be DH's Mom!) was advising us about buying houses. She started talking about credit scores and stuff and I told her "We actually have good credit" and I said that last bit OUT LOUD! I woke DH, he thought I was talking to him! Really weird. And I said it clearly too, I didn't seem to mumble it, which is weird. Normally when I talk in my sleep I'm totally out and have no idea I'm talking.
I don't really think I'm pregnant though because last time I was I would get so dizzy from low blood pressure. So I don't think I am this time.
Another thing I noticed is that I seem to have a temp dip at 4DPO. This chart, my last chart it was at 4DPO and my m/c chart was at 3DPO.
Lately I've had some vivid dreams. This morning I was half-awake, but dreaming that this old lady (who was supposed to be DH's Mom!) was advising us about buying houses. She started talking about credit scores and stuff and I told her "We actually have good credit" and I said that last bit OUT LOUD! I woke DH, he thought I was talking to him! Really weird. And I said it clearly too, I didn't seem to mumble it, which is weird. Normally when I talk in my sleep I'm totally out and have no idea I'm talking.
I don't really think I'm pregnant though because last time I was I would get so dizzy from low blood pressure. So I don't think I am this time.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
VENT!
So I was thinking about when we started TTC. After my last ECHO (which was taken when I was sick) the doc wasn't too pleased and wants to get another one. If I hadn't even opened my mouth and asked about TTC, he would have set it for 6 months and probably not mentioned anything about whether I should TTC.
BUT, I did ask, and they decided I should NOT TTC for now, and thankfully one of my doctors decided it could be moved up to November instead of 6 months from now.
My vent is that when I first decided I was going to TTC (2 years ago) I worked with ALLLLL of my doctors (in Texas) to get my health--mental and physical--ready for this. My cardiologist said that this would be the BEST time to start TTC regarding my heart. My mental health doctors even though they seemed to be against it, were willing to help me reduce my meds slowly so I could transition off of them easily once I got pregnant. However....
Not ONE of my psychiatrists in Texas mentioned any possibility that the side effects of one of my meds could make me infertile. They didn't suggest testing for it. I had to be the one to finally ask after 6-12 months of charting with no O!!!!!!!!
I will say that my current psychiatrist did mention it, but like a fool, I discounted that "it would happen to me." I was so stupid and stubborn and blind. And when I was finally convinced that it was the medication, the weather was so bad that taking me off of it could have seriously affected my mood!!!!!!
So now, when finally I'm ovulating regularly, my psych meds are perfect, MY HEART is the problem!!!!!!!! Grrrr.....****stomp****....AAARRRGGH!
I know life is unfair. I know things will happen when God plans for it, but why not now? I think the hardest part of waiting is not knowing IF I will ever get a baby. It's like, if I knew that it would happen, then it wouldn't be so hard. But that would affect my behavior right? Then I might not do what needs to happen to get that baby. See the vicious circle? It's why we mere mortals can't know our future.
BUT, I did ask, and they decided I should NOT TTC for now, and thankfully one of my doctors decided it could be moved up to November instead of 6 months from now.
My vent is that when I first decided I was going to TTC (2 years ago) I worked with ALLLLL of my doctors (in Texas) to get my health--mental and physical--ready for this. My cardiologist said that this would be the BEST time to start TTC regarding my heart. My mental health doctors even though they seemed to be against it, were willing to help me reduce my meds slowly so I could transition off of them easily once I got pregnant. However....
Not ONE of my psychiatrists in Texas mentioned any possibility that the side effects of one of my meds could make me infertile. They didn't suggest testing for it. I had to be the one to finally ask after 6-12 months of charting with no O!!!!!!!!
I will say that my current psychiatrist did mention it, but like a fool, I discounted that "it would happen to me." I was so stupid and stubborn and blind. And when I was finally convinced that it was the medication, the weather was so bad that taking me off of it could have seriously affected my mood!!!!!!
So now, when finally I'm ovulating regularly, my psych meds are perfect, MY HEART is the problem!!!!!!!! Grrrr.....****stomp****....AAARRRGGH!
I know life is unfair. I know things will happen when God plans for it, but why not now? I think the hardest part of waiting is not knowing IF I will ever get a baby. It's like, if I knew that it would happen, then it wouldn't be so hard. But that would affect my behavior right? Then I might not do what needs to happen to get that baby. See the vicious circle? It's why we mere mortals can't know our future.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
It just makes no sense!!!!
Ok, I know logically that those temps were likely fever temps and not related to O. I also know that if you somewhat disregard my chart before, oh, CD19 that it looks like the perfect O chart. Nice steady rise after a low dip. Also my CM and CP info more closely correlates.
But, I haven't often experienced mittleschmerz, but what I know about it is
This is just my mind messing with me giving me that kernel of hope that I am 8DPO and that this is some kind of implantation feeling and the bleeding was implantation spotting...and so on and so forth.
I know I'm supposed to be waiting. I know it's a crazy dream. But I also know I'll be slightly disappointed when AF shows this month.
But, I haven't often experienced mittleschmerz, but what I know about it is
- It usually occurs BEFORE a woman ovulates
- It last 2 days max...I think most information I read says it lasts for a few hours at most.
This is just my mind messing with me giving me that kernel of hope that I am 8DPO and that this is some kind of implantation feeling and the bleeding was implantation spotting...and so on and so forth.
I know I'm supposed to be waiting. I know it's a crazy dream. But I also know I'll be slightly disappointed when AF shows this month.
Now I'm 8DPO?
So, I was fiddling around with my FF chart yesterday. I decided to remove the "fever" on my two 99 degree temps last week. I did this because FF gave me a note that it believes I had ovulated sometime between CD10 and CD18, but there wasn't enough info to determine. So here was my chart before, when fever was added:
And here is my chart now without fever checked on the high temps:
The issue is that the BDing we did on CD11 was sort of a surprise so I didn't use contraception. So now there is a possibility that I could be pregnant this cycle!!! Oops!
Who knows really? Today I entered a temp of 98.5 (you can see both charts by clicking the tickers above) so it could be possible that I ovulated on CD19. Which would be fine b/c I used protection during that BD session. I just altered FF to put the fever temps back and now it changed my O date to CD19!!
I think this is much more likely because I was sick with the flu those two days I had the 99 temps. Later in the day my temps lowered to 98 something, but who knows? So, with the new change, I most likely am NOT pregnant. It makes more sense b/c the spotting was likely due to Ovulation and I seemed to be having ovary pains the last two days or so. AND normally my breast tenderness starts a few days after I O, not a week later. Right now they're starting to get tender. So I think I'm good this month and won't end up preggers. We'll see I guess! Not that I wouldn't love a June baby, but the doctors wouldn't be too happy!
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Now it's bronchitis
So, I tried to go back to work this week. I thought I was getting better. Then today my chest seemed to be exploding in pain. So I left work early and DH took me to the ER. Diagnosis: Bronchitis. I've got some meds and now I'm definitely staying home until I feel tip-top.
On the flipside, since we're Waiting to Try to Conceive (WTTC) I don't have to worry so much about ovulating. I am still charting to keep up with how often I O and stuff. I don't want to waste the test sticks on CBEFM so I've stopped using that.
But I did notice some pink tinged CM today. Maybe I'm ovulating today or tomorrow. Maybe I should review the section in TCOYF about pregnancy prevention. We'll see.
On the flipside, since we're Waiting to Try to Conceive (WTTC) I don't have to worry so much about ovulating. I am still charting to keep up with how often I O and stuff. I don't want to waste the test sticks on CBEFM so I've stopped using that.
But I did notice some pink tinged CM today. Maybe I'm ovulating today or tomorrow. Maybe I should review the section in TCOYF about pregnancy prevention. We'll see.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Sick, yucky
Well, of course I have a high on my fertility monitor! Which is weird because I'm sick as a dog right now. And I stayed home from work today. Just as I got up, DH calls and asks me to take him to the ER because he was getting a kidney stone! Hasn't really been our summer.
I don't feel well and I have a horrendous cough that is making my throat raw. Yucky.
I don't feel well and I have a horrendous cough that is making my throat raw. Yucky.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Putting on the Brakes for TTC
I had my annual cardiologist appointment today. After the ECHO, the doctor explained that due to some concerns they would like to have another ECHO done in 6 months. I happened to have the flu today when they did the test.
I asked if he had any concerns about my trying to conceive before the next ECHO. He asked if I could wait until the test to see what the results were. I also explained I was having more frequent heart palpitations. My doctor consulted with another one and they said they could move the Echo to 3 months and also gave me a portable EKG machine to use when I was having concerning symptoms.
So, DH and I have agreed to stop TTCing until we hear the results of test in November.
Until then I'm going to focus on losing some weight, getting some more exercise to be ready for the big day. I probably won't do any testing for ovulation while we're waiting, but will probably still take my pre-natals, B6, Folic Acid and also charting with just temps. Just to track my ovulation and luteal phase length.
I'll keep you posted on any changes.
I asked if he had any concerns about my trying to conceive before the next ECHO. He asked if I could wait until the test to see what the results were. I also explained I was having more frequent heart palpitations. My doctor consulted with another one and they said they could move the Echo to 3 months and also gave me a portable EKG machine to use when I was having concerning symptoms.
So, DH and I have agreed to stop TTCing until we hear the results of test in November.
Until then I'm going to focus on losing some weight, getting some more exercise to be ready for the big day. I probably won't do any testing for ovulation while we're waiting, but will probably still take my pre-natals, B6, Folic Acid and also charting with just temps. Just to track my ovulation and luteal phase length.
I'll keep you posted on any changes.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Ugh...
Yucky. I feel nauseous. Normally this would make me consider pregnancy, but I JUST had my period. At first I thought it was due to the constant cramping (which hasn't stopped with my period). Yay miscarriage! The benefits just keep on rolling in!
But, the nausea today was a bit pervasive. Then DH tells me that was how he felt that way when he first got sick last week. Great.
But, the nausea today was a bit pervasive. Then DH tells me that was how he felt that way when he first got sick last week. Great.
RESOLVE--Infertility Awareness
I know I'm, oh, about 4 months too late to start talking about infertility awareness, but I suddenly truly realized how damaging it is. I was reading another poor girl's post on TMP, about how upset she was that she hasn't gotten pregnant yet---she's on her 3rd month trying.
At first, I felt exasperated. Because I'm one of the LTTCER's (Long Term TTCer) who has put in 24+ months in efforts to try to conceive...this may be very snobby of me, and it is hard to say WHEN someone has the right to complain that it is been too long, but 3 months just seemed WAY too early. Plus, it seems that about 1/2 of the women who make that complaint this early will get pregnant in another two months or so. Mostly, it makes me think about how long it is taking ME to get (and stay) preggers and my trying not to lose hope. I just kept thinking, "well, if she is finding it hard now, wait until another 10 months come an go and see where she is at."
But then I really started thinking about it. It is NOT her fault that she believes pregnancy should come easily. Infertility is a taboo topic in our culture. It causes most couples starting a family to accept the myth that "it's easy to start a family" or that "you're not normal if you can't get pregnant right away." That, plus all of the sex education given as a teen about how easy it is to get pregnant and how it is important to ALWAYS protect yourself from unwanted pregnancy leads a couple to expect that all they have to do is select the month they want to deliver, count back 10 months or so to stop any birth control and get ready for their new baby.
(To any teens or women seeking to prevent pregancy reading this, it IS very important to protect yourself because one thing I have learned is that the pregnancy fairy usually chooses when and how she grants wishes, and it is usually not to those who expect it. Let's say she has bad aim)
Those who haven't experienced it don't know how to deal with it, or are judgmental or political (aren't there already too many children in the world?). Those who are (or have) experiencing it don't talk about it because 1) They don't want to be (or have been) judged by others and 2) They feel alone....and that perpetuates that taboo!! Their belief of being alone, no one understanding, shames them into not talking about it openly with others.
I then felt resolve myself to remember that infertility is misunderstood and this is why so many women blame themselves and feel like a failure after 2 or 3 months of trying!!!
I had seen a lot of blog posts about this in April or May during National Infertility Week/Month and checked out the RESOLVE website. This is a non-profit organization that is dedicated to educating people about infertility.
I found a startling statistic--Infertility affects 1 in 8 couples of reproductive age. 1 in 8. Think of 8 couples you know of reproductive age. If you yourself aren't infertile, that means one of those 8 may be. And they are suffering in silence.
I firmly believe in educating ourselves, which is why when I start most projects I try to find out as much as I can. But, many people don't think to or don't know where to look. So, I want to do what I can to help educate others on infertility. Hopefully one day it will become a conversation where it isn't assumed to happen to an unfortunate few but as a prevalent issue among our society.
I especially love the resources the RESOLVE site has for discussing infertility. It gives several good options for responding to questions others ask regarding family-building efforts. Check it out!!
At first, I felt exasperated. Because I'm one of the LTTCER's (Long Term TTCer) who has put in 24+ months in efforts to try to conceive...this may be very snobby of me, and it is hard to say WHEN someone has the right to complain that it is been too long, but 3 months just seemed WAY too early. Plus, it seems that about 1/2 of the women who make that complaint this early will get pregnant in another two months or so. Mostly, it makes me think about how long it is taking ME to get (and stay) preggers and my trying not to lose hope. I just kept thinking, "well, if she is finding it hard now, wait until another 10 months come an go and see where she is at."
But then I really started thinking about it. It is NOT her fault that she believes pregnancy should come easily. Infertility is a taboo topic in our culture. It causes most couples starting a family to accept the myth that "it's easy to start a family" or that "you're not normal if you can't get pregnant right away." That, plus all of the sex education given as a teen about how easy it is to get pregnant and how it is important to ALWAYS protect yourself from unwanted pregnancy leads a couple to expect that all they have to do is select the month they want to deliver, count back 10 months or so to stop any birth control and get ready for their new baby.
(To any teens or women seeking to prevent pregancy reading this, it IS very important to protect yourself because one thing I have learned is that the pregnancy fairy usually chooses when and how she grants wishes, and it is usually not to those who expect it. Let's say she has bad aim)
Those who haven't experienced it don't know how to deal with it, or are judgmental or political (aren't there already too many children in the world?). Those who are (or have) experiencing it don't talk about it because 1) They don't want to be (or have been) judged by others and 2) They feel alone....and that perpetuates that taboo!! Their belief of being alone, no one understanding, shames them into not talking about it openly with others.
I then felt resolve myself to remember that infertility is misunderstood and this is why so many women blame themselves and feel like a failure after 2 or 3 months of trying!!!
I had seen a lot of blog posts about this in April or May during National Infertility Week/Month and checked out the RESOLVE website. This is a non-profit organization that is dedicated to educating people about infertility.
I found a startling statistic--Infertility affects 1 in 8 couples of reproductive age. 1 in 8. Think of 8 couples you know of reproductive age. If you yourself aren't infertile, that means one of those 8 may be. And they are suffering in silence.
I firmly believe in educating ourselves, which is why when I start most projects I try to find out as much as I can. But, many people don't think to or don't know where to look. So, I want to do what I can to help educate others on infertility. Hopefully one day it will become a conversation where it isn't assumed to happen to an unfortunate few but as a prevalent issue among our society.
I especially love the resources the RESOLVE site has for discussing infertility. It gives several good options for responding to questions others ask regarding family-building efforts. Check it out!!
New Template!!!
I usually just change templates without comment, but was so excited about this one. I've loved the templates that look like they're made with fabric or paper (like a scrapbook page). I was at a friends blog (Kelly from TMP) and really liked her background. Then I saw a link in the top corner to the site she found it at. I went to look and fell in love!!!! There are so many and I swear I could change it out once a week! Some nice pink/blue ones with variations so that might be what I choose once I get my BFP and eventually find out the gender.
So, just wanted to share. You can click the link in the top left corner to visit it yourself or go to Shabby Blogs
So, just wanted to share. You can click the link in the top left corner to visit it yourself or go to Shabby Blogs
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Have you ever?
On a lighter note, I thought I would post this list that I found on fellow TMP members blog Ms. Polka Dottie.
So, if you want to follow along, copy this list and post in your blog, bolding the items you have done. (I count 38!)
1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to DisneyWorld
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped--sorta...did this bungee swing thing....lotta fun!
12. Visited Paris....don't think the Charles De Gualle airport counts
13. Watched a lightning storm...grew up around em, couldn't help it.
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning--Fried Okra from Church's chicken.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight--what little girl with sisters hasn't?
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill--guilty!
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset--both...no two are ever alike.
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise--I love the cruise life!
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors--Which ones? I'm an American Mutt, I'd have a LOT of places to visit...I have been to Oklahoma (Great-GMA was cherokee)
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language--haven't fully finished, but am learning Arabic
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke--Love to sing!
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight--lovely
46. Been transported in an ambulance--I was a baby, too young to remember
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling--snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain--I think I know what is meant, but it's Seattle, bound to have happened at some point.
53. Played in the mud--this is anytime in life right? I used to LOVE this clay pit near my house....that was the best summer.
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies--one brief round
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma--I tried! My cardiologist won't let me!
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter--Over Maui....Awesome
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy--More a memento of my Nano...old Porcelain doll she had in her house and let us play with
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job--does laid off count?
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone--both arms...different times
78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper--twice. Once in Jr High for being the Tennis Club's student of the week or something, and once in college for being first in line to buy tickets to see LOTR: (Two Towers?)--I was reading Harry Potter at the time, *snicker*
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox--it's almost a rite of passage
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Got a tattoo
94. Had a baby--We're working on it!
95. Seen the Alamo in person--it's much smaller than you'd think...much.
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone--I'd like to meet the person this is NOT true for...unless they're using semantics.
99. Been stung by a bee....No bees, yellow-jackets....thank GOD I don't remember.
So, if you want to follow along, copy this list and post in your blog, bolding the items you have done. (I count 38!)
1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to DisneyWorld
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped--sorta...did this bungee swing thing....lotta fun!
12. Visited Paris....don't think the Charles De Gualle airport counts
13. Watched a lightning storm...grew up around em, couldn't help it.
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning--Fried Okra from Church's chicken.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight--what little girl with sisters hasn't?
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill--guilty!
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset--both...no two are ever alike.
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise--I love the cruise life!
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors--Which ones? I'm an American Mutt, I'd have a LOT of places to visit...I have been to Oklahoma (Great-GMA was cherokee)
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language--haven't fully finished, but am learning Arabic
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke--Love to sing!
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight--lovely
46. Been transported in an ambulance--I was a baby, too young to remember
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling--snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain--I think I know what is meant, but it's Seattle, bound to have happened at some point.
53. Played in the mud--this is anytime in life right? I used to LOVE this clay pit near my house....that was the best summer.
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies--one brief round
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma--I tried! My cardiologist won't let me!
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter--Over Maui....Awesome
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy--More a memento of my Nano...old Porcelain doll she had in her house and let us play with
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job--does laid off count?
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone--both arms...different times
78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper--twice. Once in Jr High for being the Tennis Club's student of the week or something, and once in college for being first in line to buy tickets to see LOTR: (Two Towers?)--I was reading Harry Potter at the time, *snicker*
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox--it's almost a rite of passage
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Got a tattoo
94. Had a baby--We're working on it!
95. Seen the Alamo in person--it's much smaller than you'd think...much.
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone--I'd like to meet the person this is NOT true for...unless they're using semantics.
99. Been stung by a bee....No bees, yellow-jackets....thank GOD I don't remember.
Sorrow...
I know most of this is due to AF beginning (soon I hope). Watching the news certainly isn't helping.
I just saw my psychiatrist and we were discussing how I was coping. I said that I knew that there were likely chromosomal reasons for the m/c and that "If God had wanted the baby to live he would have let it stay" I could barely finish. I broke down.
I want to go to counseling and hope that DH will go with me.
Just. So. Sad.
I just saw my psychiatrist and we were discussing how I was coping. I said that I knew that there were likely chromosomal reasons for the m/c and that "If God had wanted the baby to live he would have let it stay" I could barely finish. I broke down.
I want to go to counseling and hope that DH will go with me.
Just. So. Sad.
I broke down....
and started taking my Progesterone pills. I USUALLY would want to wait it out and let it happen naturally, but I'm becoming SOOOOO impatient! 
So, although the spotting has picked up yesterday, I'm just trying to hurry AF along a bit.
We'll seeeeee! By the way, definite BFN last two days, so I'm very sure I'm not preggers and it's just the wackiness of the chemical messing with my cycle.
So, although the spotting has picked up yesterday, I'm just trying to hurry AF along a bit.
We'll seeeeee! By the way, definite BFN last two days, so I'm very sure I'm not preggers and it's just the wackiness of the chemical messing with my cycle.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Temp drop!
So, this morning I woke at 5:30AM. I think I needed to pee. I was SURE AF had come in the night. I go to pee and my pantiliner is spotless. So I decide to do one more HPT. I thought I saw a shadow of a line, but I think I was just willing it there.
Took my temp at the reg time at 6:45AM and whaddya know, massive temp drop!! Wooohoooo!!! So, I imagine AF should land sometime today or tomorrow. Normally on an ovulatory cycle I wouldn't really want to get AF, but my doc recommended at least one cycle after the m/c to kind of clean the system out so to speak.
So, hopefully today will be CD1, just b/c I love when the CD match the calendar as it is Sept 1st! I do think this AF will be particularly mean and witchy. May be a lot of cramping. I've already had a lot already. So, I guess we'll see.
Took my temp at the reg time at 6:45AM and whaddya know, massive temp drop!! Wooohoooo!!! So, I imagine AF should land sometime today or tomorrow. Normally on an ovulatory cycle I wouldn't really want to get AF, but my doc recommended at least one cycle after the m/c to kind of clean the system out so to speak.
So, hopefully today will be CD1, just b/c I love when the CD match the calendar as it is Sept 1st! I do think this AF will be particularly mean and witchy. May be a lot of cramping. I've already had a lot already. So, I guess we'll see.
Monday, August 30, 2010
New Charting Opportunities!
Well, most of the forums I go to the women use Fertility Friend for charting because it is free and has a nice feature for sharing charts.
So, the other day I was at Countdown to Pregnancy and I noticed they were taking beta testers for their new BBT charting feature. This really excited me and so I definitely signed up for it. It made me wonder if there were other charting options out there and whether the Taking Charge of Your Fertility site was currently offering an online charting option. When I first checked it out in early/mid 2009 they did not have an online version available.
I've often wanted to use the charting software I got from my Taking Charge of Your Fertility
book but it is for WINDOWS users only and I have a Mac at home. Here's a picture of my pristine disk, never been unwrapped from the book:
When I checked the TCOYF site, I noticed that they too were offering beta testing of their about-to-launch ONLINE charting software! I signed up right there, although the thought of two charts right now is daunting. (Let alone three when I test CountdowntoPregnancy's too!). They don't have the nifty sharing abilities that FF has, but I created a ticker thanks to Ticker Factory for my TCOYF chart below
You can now find links to both of my charts at the top of the blog. Just a small review, I've been using it for about a week and there are definite differences between it and FF. Some things I like, some I think are just a matter of it being what I am used to and can't decide which is best. As a beta-tester they awarded me either 36 weeks or 36 months (can't remember!) of the Premium version and I'm not certain right now which of the following features are available on the basic version vs. premium.
What I like about TCOYF--
So, the other day I was at Countdown to Pregnancy and I noticed they were taking beta testers for their new BBT charting feature. This really excited me and so I definitely signed up for it. It made me wonder if there were other charting options out there and whether the Taking Charge of Your Fertility site was currently offering an online charting option. When I first checked it out in early/mid 2009 they did not have an online version available.
I've often wanted to use the charting software I got from my Taking Charge of Your Fertility
book but it is for WINDOWS users only and I have a Mac at home. Here's a picture of my pristine disk, never been unwrapped from the book:
When I checked the TCOYF site, I noticed that they too were offering beta testing of their about-to-launch ONLINE charting software! I signed up right there, although the thought of two charts right now is daunting. (Let alone three when I test CountdowntoPregnancy's too!). They don't have the nifty sharing abilities that FF has, but I created a ticker thanks to Ticker Factory for my TCOYF chart below
You can now find links to both of my charts at the top of the blog. Just a small review, I've been using it for about a week and there are definite differences between it and FF. Some things I like, some I think are just a matter of it being what I am used to and can't decide which is best. As a beta-tester they awarded me either 36 weeks or 36 months (can't remember!) of the Premium version and I'm not certain right now which of the following features are available on the basic version vs. premium.
What I like about TCOYF--
- Capacity for multiple charts with different layouts, each with different sharing capacities.
- What this means is that I can have my own personal chart that no one sees with every feature I find important. If, however, I don't want the whole world to know my BD schedule, or some other mundane detail, I can create a second chart that I can choose to share with everyone. There are also sharing options for registered TCOYF members and additional 2 or 3 options within certain groups in the membership for those who utilize all of the other aspects of the site (such as forums).
- Customization!
- Ok, so this is my girly side, but I've discovered that I can make my chart and calendar have any color theme I like! And I like that. I like being able to make it my own. I have noticed that it doesn't appear that you can customize each chart differently (how you customize your chart is the same for all charts whether you have one or 10). You can also customize your calendar, including icons on both the calendar and chart.
- Vaginal sensation and other charting features
- One thing I like about FAM (Family Awareness Method) principles is that you can check vaginal sensation as well as CM. Have you ever had what seemed like sticky CM but also had a very watery, wet feel? On FF it says to check the most fertile you detect. On TCOYF you could mark the CM as Sticky and the VS (Vaginal Sensation) as lubricative, hot, humid, slippery (that's one selection) This adds for finer interpretation of fertility.
- This may seem minor, but I like that all you have to do to mark BD is check a box for intercourse. I think it takes away a level of unnecessary stress and indecision. Isn't what really matters the fact that in some way (whether AM, PM, or mulitiple times) that there is a chance you fertilized an egg? You could always mark in notes if there were some special circumstances (like IUI or IVF vs Intercourse).
- You can choose when to exit the input window
- One thing that constantly bugs me about entering info into FF is that as soon as I hit "save" you are involuntary taken back to your chart. They do have the "save and next" button if you are editing a few days in a row. But I often start inputing today's information and then realize that I forgot to put the intercourse for yesterday, or symptom that occurred yesterday. Then I have to save what I have for today and manually go back to the day in question. With TCOYF's site, you can start inputing info on any calendar day, hit save and then guide within the input window to another calendar day that you need to input info on either before OR after the current day. I do have to remember to exit manually when I am done because I am so used to being taken to the chart upon saving.
- You can also use this site to AVOID pregnancy!
- So, let's say you have achieved pregnancy but would like to NOT go back to hormonal birth control while you're breast-feeding or waiting to conceive again. This site has the capacity to help you avoid pregnancy as well as achieve it. I think once it comes out of beta testing switching back and forth will be easier, but I do recall that when I was first signing up it asked if I were trying to prevent or achieve pregnancy. Indeed, the FAM principles are directed at a woman in any stage of life or fertility goal
- FF is specifically geared toward conception and here is what their FAQ says regarding using their site to prevent pregnancy:
- Can charting help me avoid pregnancy?
- Fertility charting is certainly a reliable and empowering means of family planning. FertilityFriend.com is totally tuned and geared to help you get pregnant and would put you at great risk if you used any of its interpretations to avoid pregnancy. The principles of chart interpretation for pregnancy avoidance and pregnancy achievement are significantly different and unfortunately not just the reverse of each other. Using any of FertilityFriend.com's chart interpretations in reverse will not work and will put you at risk to get pregnant. Avoiding pregnancy using fertility charting is a different approach altogether.If you plan to use fertility charting (or Fertility Awareness) to avoid pregnancy we recommend that you get in touch with a Natural Family Planing or Fertility Awareness counselor and get a specific training for that purpose.
Things I don't like about TCOYF online charting:
- You can't edit the chart from the chart
- Basically, if you want to input any information you must go to the calendar layout and click on the date. This is essentially what can also be done in FF, but in FF the calendar is on the same page as the chart and IF you want you can click on that day on the chart itself to edit it.
- Sharing is mostly self-directed
- I had to use the FAQ to figure out how to have someone be able to view my chart (but did find the FAQ VERY user friendly!). Sharing basically involves marking who I allow to see the chart and it also informed me what link to use to share with others. For most women they would be stuck providing a simple text link such as this : My Chart. I like experimenting and discovered with BBCode for a ticker made by an online service (such as AlternaTicker)
- Here is an example of the BBCode for the ticker below I made on AlternaTicker: [URL=http://alterna-tickers.com][IMG]http://alterna-tickers.com/tickers/generated_tickers/4/45pxnasbf.png[/IMG][/URL]
- To enable this ticker to link to my chart on a forum using BBCode, I would remove the url "http://alterna-tickers.com" and replace it with my charting code as seen below (I bolded the URL in the above and below codes for illustration only. [URL=http://www.tcoyf.com/members/lissabee79/charts/2.aspx][IMG]http://alterna-tickers.com/tickers/generated_tickers/4/45pxnasbf.png[/IMG][/URL] and voila! I have the ticker of my choice routing to the site of my choice. However, many women will need a lot more guidance to find out how to do this for themselves, which is why I like the sharing capabilities of FF better. Also, since FF allows for creating your own ticker the ticker will automatically update with your chart. When you create your own ticker, you may need to make a new one for each cycle to remain current.
- No delete option?
- Somehow it selected one day for my first cycle and my actual first cycle entered is now marked as cycle 2. I haven't checked the FAQ yet, but I've looked at all the places I might edit my cycle and can't figure out how to delete or merge it. It wasn't REALLY my 1st cycle day, but it could have been, I just don't want to reset all of my dates and also don't want to enter all of the info from the previous cycle.
- Lack of features compared to FF
- FF just has SO many features that guide in interpretation of the chart compared to TCOYF. You can look at an analysis of all your intercourse in TCOYF and it will give an estimate of effectiveness. You can also look at a section under Fertility planner that predicts chances of pregnancy based on the chart. But I like the tools in FF much better, just because there are so many more.
11DPO....Spotting alert and iffy temps!
So far, I've made it through 11DPO....so far. Last night I had restless sleep and I woke up around 3:30AM. I had to pee and somehow just knew that I'd started bleeding....well sorta. I went to the bathroom and it was just spotting. So, I was expecting full-fledged AF in the morning. Got up, still just spotting. All day, just spotting. Also, I couldn't fall asleep right away and by the time I did I got restless sleep. It was cold in my bedroom but I felt hot under the covers.
So, I marked Sleep Deprived on my FF chart b/c I technically went back to bed less than three hours before I took my temp. Normally when this happens, your temp is a little higher than it would have been. However, every time this seems to have happened to me my temp has done the opposite of what was expected (plummeted). However, my temp DID go up and it was so confusing to me that it did what it should have done that for most of the morning I was thinking it had done the wrong thing again (because it is not my norm).
It's now 7:00PM and as of my last check, still just spotting. Steady spotting, but nowhere near enough to be considered a flow. Today I had a really runny/stuffy nose and was sooo tired from not sleeping the night before. And a headache. I hate PMS!
I'm really cramping now, so I think that I'll end getting my period either tonight or tomorrow....It would be nice if it lasts until 12DPO b/c then I would have a somewhat normal LP. But I might still take the B6 I bought for next cycle, just in case.
Oh, and I broke down and bought my DREAM BBT!
It was only 9 dollars total so I don't know why I hesitated. My thermometer is not bad per se, but frustrating. This BBT was designed and/or approved by Toni Weschler (author of Taking Charge of Your Fertility). The best feature for me is that it beeps WHILE it takes the temp. Since I do V-temping, it's under the covers and I hardly hear mine, which is very quiet. I'm hoping it doesn't disturb DH, but I'm thinking b/c of the covers it should only be heard by me. Also, it has a LIGHTED display, so when it's really dark in the morning I could enter my temp right away if I wanted. It also has one temp memory so I can always record it when I get up. I just got an email it shipped today. I'm hoping that it gets here soon enough that I can use it for the next cycle. Cool!
On a side note, I tried to get my passport today, but the *only* thing I didn't have was a valid birth certificate. I was hoping the ancient copy I had would fly, but it didn't, so now I have to get an "official" copy. It has to be the FULL form too, they make a short version but that won't work for passports apparently.
I'll keep you posted with an update tomorrow. I'm fairly certain the witch will show, it's just a matter of time. Thank y'all for the support. I know this AF will be rough and I do want to get my period, but I fear besides being in more than usual physical pain that it will bring back all of the emotions of the miscarriage. But I think it will be closure for me.
So, I marked Sleep Deprived on my FF chart b/c I technically went back to bed less than three hours before I took my temp. Normally when this happens, your temp is a little higher than it would have been. However, every time this seems to have happened to me my temp has done the opposite of what was expected (plummeted). However, my temp DID go up and it was so confusing to me that it did what it should have done that for most of the morning I was thinking it had done the wrong thing again (because it is not my norm).
It's now 7:00PM and as of my last check, still just spotting. Steady spotting, but nowhere near enough to be considered a flow. Today I had a really runny/stuffy nose and was sooo tired from not sleeping the night before. And a headache. I hate PMS!
I'm really cramping now, so I think that I'll end getting my period either tonight or tomorrow....It would be nice if it lasts until 12DPO b/c then I would have a somewhat normal LP. But I might still take the B6 I bought for next cycle, just in case.
Oh, and I broke down and bought my DREAM BBT!
It was only 9 dollars total so I don't know why I hesitated. My thermometer is not bad per se, but frustrating. This BBT was designed and/or approved by Toni Weschler (author of Taking Charge of Your Fertility
). The best feature for me is that it beeps WHILE it takes the temp. Since I do V-temping, it's under the covers and I hardly hear mine, which is very quiet. I'm hoping it doesn't disturb DH, but I'm thinking b/c of the covers it should only be heard by me. Also, it has a LIGHTED display, so when it's really dark in the morning I could enter my temp right away if I wanted. It also has one temp memory so I can always record it when I get up. I just got an email it shipped today. I'm hoping that it gets here soon enough that I can use it for the next cycle. Cool!On a side note, I tried to get my passport today, but the *only* thing I didn't have was a valid birth certificate. I was hoping the ancient copy I had would fly, but it didn't, so now I have to get an "official" copy. It has to be the FULL form too, they make a short version but that won't work for passports apparently.
I'll keep you posted with an update tomorrow. I'm fairly certain the witch will show, it's just a matter of time. Thank y'all for the support. I know this AF will be rough and I do want to get my period, but I fear besides being in more than usual physical pain that it will bring back all of the emotions of the miscarriage. But I think it will be closure for me.
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