The Essence of the TWW

I was just mulling over my last cycle again. I went back and forth between certain optimism that this IS the cycle and I AM pregnant to reminding myself that realistically, my "symptoms" over my TWW can change from cycle to cycle just cause that is what our bodies do. We never have "the same" TWW--there will always be that one tiny thing we can point out that is new or different--that we can try to hang our hat on as an indicator that we are pregnant.

But this is the essence of the TWW--the cycling between hope and despondency. We have put so much work, sacrifice and pain into "helping" our bodies create the perfect environment for growing a young life that we anxiously examine any sign that would prove our efforts are not in vain and that we are not engaged in an endlessly futile struggle.

I think it will be the death of me (or my efforts to TTC!)

My Review of The Keeper/Moon Cup

So, you might have read a post of mine a few weeks ago about buying a Menstrual Cup to replace my pads. I chose the Moon Cup--which is the silicone version of The Keeper (made of natural gum rubber or latex). I'm not necessarily allergic to latex, but I liked the idea of a clear one and just in case I was and since the prices were the same, I thought, why not? Here is a picture of the Moon Cup  and the Keeper

So, I did finally start spotting/bleeding enough to give this thing a whirl. I chose Size B (Before Childbirth). The first few times I think I didn't have it in exactly right b/c it still leaked to my undies, but after using it a few times I think I found out how to make it work. I may still have to practice some more, but it seemed to reduce to leaking only so that it showed on toilet paper or not at all.

I was curious how I was going to measure how much of a flow I had. The fullest it has gotten after 8 hours in was 1/4 full. Also, and this may be TMI----I'm on Amoxicillin for my sinus infection and according to TCOYF it is the BEST way to produce EWCM. So, I usually have just a pinky nails worth of blood and the rest is EWCM....very interesting. I decided to wear a pad one day so I could compare the flow---I would say I was having very light flow (almost just heavy spotting as it was inconsistent throughout the day). I did really miss my Moon Cup when I went back to my maxis. Back to feeling like wearing a diaper.

Oh, and when I first started using it I insanely decided to cut just a little of the stem, but either didn't have sharp enough scissors or the the tip was wrong b/c every time it left a jagged edge. So I ended up having to cut the stem off completely! It really wasn't that bothersome before I cut it and I do think it helped with removal a lot.  Also, now that I have no stem I will have to get a little dirtier than I might have with the stem intact.

I would say if you have ever used an OB tampon (without an applicator) that it is about the same. But if you really just can't imagine sticking your fingers anywhere near your hoo-ha (especially when AF is in town) then this might not be your product.

I will say that I needed to experiment to find the right position to insert it. I find it is easiest in the shower now. Of course in public I'll end up having to do it on the toilet so I'm practicing that way a lot. I think I still need more practice getting it in far enough to be comfortable, but it would have helped perhaps to have not cut off the stem.

Overall, I'm very happy with my purchase and am glad to be saying Buh-bye to pads/tampons forever! I highly recommend it.  

Sinuses, temp spikes, sleeplessness, Oh my!

Ok, I know I've used the ol' "Wizard of Oz" Lions, and Tigers, and Bears, OH MY title before, but how can you resist? Also, this is a super long post, and if you read the whole thing, bless you! : )

Sinus update--fatigue is somewhat less, but cough is way worse, sore throat moderately sore (compared to severe) and ears are itchy. Yuck. I kind of wish I'd asked the Dr at the Walk-in for a z-pack in hopes this would clear soon---I saw online it was pregnancy category B!! So is the amoxicillin he gave me, but I have 10+ days worth!! One cool thing he gave was a list of OTC (over-the-counter) meds that are "safe" for pregnancy. (Expect a post with that later!)

Temp spikes---click the link to my chart at the top--99.1! Now for most people this would be a fever. I suppose it could be. I feel I don't have any reliable fever thermometers. The only one I trust is my BBT. Also, woke at 5AMish to pee and so got slightly less sleep than needed to accurately trust the temp. Here's the thing though---lately, my pre-O temps are hovering between 97.6 and 98.1---98.0 is my coverline and my pre-O temps were more often in the lower half of the 97s. So, now my coverline is about the same, but my pre-O temps seem to hover just underneath that until O. SO, assuming that I COULD be pregnant, and that I MIGHT go triphasic, it makes sense that I would get up to the low 99s, right?? (See me desperately grasping straws)

The sleeplessness thing. This COULD have been since I got the sinus infection (about 1 week pre-O) BUT from what I recorded on FF, the waking regularly around 4AM has been since O....not my usual LP experience, though it has happened a few times, this time it is CONSTANT. Also, the frequent urination thing---I usually overestimate this one, but I timed it the other day and 30 minutes after peeing I need to go again.  I can guarantee I will wake at least once before temping (~7:10AM--I know I'm weird for picking that time) and that time has ranged anywhere from 3:30-5AM. Most of those are early enough that I technically can get enough sleep in to have the required 3 hours sleep before temping. But not always. So, I just went and marked every day that I seemed to wake up early AM.

And, I know this is not the accepted truth, but I SWEAR that I have tested myself by taking temps when I first wake (at an early hour) and then again when I wake at regular testing time---and my temp DROPS. This is exactly opposite effect from what you read about in most charting materials. I suspect it is because I get all snuggly under the heavy covers that it acts as a sort of incubation and the first waking and getting out of covers creates a massive cooling down that the short amount of sleep can't regain the temp.

So, high temp, but this morning the leftover sperm from yesterday was streaked with darkish or bright red blood. This is just about on-cue for me to truly start spotting with my reg cycles. But at the same time I have doubt because, well, not to get to TMI, but let's just say there was a lot of irritation in the vajayjay after yesterday's exercise. Right after there was NOTHING. Today, just flecks in the seminal fluid.

Oh, and I decided to test using my CBEFM test sticks with my Clearblue digi OPK reader---the sticks look ALMOST exactly the same. It sure fit. Please don't laugh, but I was so tired when I first woke to pee at 5AM that I think I compromised the test with overflowing urine. I'm new to the CB OPK digi and I forgot that you put the test in the reader BEFORE peeing on it. I was using it like I would for the CBEFM. The CB OPK digi reader wouldn't work with it. So I tried again at 7Am and it did read it...got nothing though. And it looks like Estrogen is back in dominance, which for the average LP it would be higher than LH at this point. I wish there were a home Progesterone test! Kind of pointless unless it is quantitative and all home tests are qualitative (i.e. first one gives an exact # of the levels and the second is just a Yes/No answer). So if there were a Progesterone pee stick I'd have to take a baseline one right before O and then start testing later...but still, it'd be hard to know just HOW high it is getting.

I know we POAS addicts like to think a darker line means more hormone in the test (OPK, HPT, FSH, whatever) but the truth is that although this is generally true, each batch of the respective tests can have a varying amount of dye in each test---meaning same brand, different batch could yield very different results from the same urine sample in terms of color darkness. So, that's why ladies if you take an HPT one day that is super dark and the next very light followed by another dark one---mostly differences in dye, but then you add in different concentrations of urine (unless you truly used all from the same urine sample within 1 hour). Same thing for OPKs. We all like to think we can line up our OPKs and see a gradual darkening of the test line--and generally we can, but don't be surprised if there are a few in-between that get really darker or really lighter than the previous--it's all down to dye and pee.

6DPO--Maybe October Baby?

So sorry I have been absent for so long! All I can say is since my last post I have come down with a horrible sinus infection and just starting to feel up to snuff--still got a stuffy nose, sore throat, cough, but fatigue is lessening.

Anyhoo, if you've checked my chart you'll see that I could *potentially* have conceived this cycle. I had one day of BD on the day before O (2nd best day next to 2 days before O and O according to this study in the NEJM) so maybe.

I have been back on my vitamin regimen--Stuart Prenatal, Vitamin D (1000 IU), Vitamin B6 100 mg 2x day, and Folic Acid (4mg daily). I'm hoping the B6 lessens the spotting before AF (if she comes).

But I have had spotting since yesterday. Not my regular sort, which is either bright red or light pink---this is like creamy/sticky CM that is tinged light to dark brown.

Other than that I've been having cramp like AF and some not like since O---which is odd, they don't usually start that early. At 5 and 6 DPO I have a sort of jumpy/throbbing feeling in my pelvis when I lay down. Don't know if it qualifies as twinges. Who knows? I'm probably making it all up in my head.

We'll see! The fun thing is that if I am preggo the baby would be due around October 30. It would be so fun to have a Hallowe'en baby!